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UNLIMITED Arizona Hilarity thread

Started by Requia ☣, April 22, 2010, 04:44:30 AM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Wow. Arizona just keeps it coming.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Nigel's Red Velveteen Skinmeat Snacks on January 21, 2014, 09:54:32 PM
Wow. Arizona just keeps it coming.

The state is cool as fuck.  Weirdness everywhere.

But the PEOPLE.  Jesus H Christ.

HOWEVER, you will notice that ASU is ALSO North of Casa Grande.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

As a person who is North of Casa Grande, I would love nothing more than to object to Roger's characterization of this half of the state.

But I can't, because he is right.

Everyone up here is awful. Even our small business owners are awful. Everyone. Including me. Just rotten and evil from the very deepest point of the soul.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: V3X on January 21, 2014, 11:07:56 PM
As a person who is North of Casa Grande, I would love nothing more than to object to Roger's characterization of this half of the state.

But I can't, because he is right.

Everyone up here is awful. Even our small business owners are awful. Everyone. Including me. Just rotten and evil from the very deepest point of the soul.

James could have been a regular person.

Won't you please help?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

The only thing tethering me to reality is the fact that I spent 3 years in Tucson myself, therefore poisoning the pit of my being with its weirdness and ruining it for Sheriff Joe. I'm damaged goods to his bunch, sure, but I'm still buried under five tons of them.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: V3X on January 21, 2014, 11:13:11 PM
The only thing tethering me to reality is the fact that I spent 3 years in Tucson myself, therefore poisoning the pit of my being with its weirdness and ruining it for Sheriff Joe. I'm damaged goods to his bunch, sure, but I'm still buried under five tons of them.

You'll be back.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIRâ„¢
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

tyrannosaurus vex

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 21, 2014, 11:14:59 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 21, 2014, 11:13:11 PM
The only thing tethering me to reality is the fact that I spent 3 years in Tucson myself, therefore poisoning the pit of my being with its weirdness and ruining it for Sheriff Joe. I'm damaged goods to his bunch, sure, but I'm still buried under five tons of them.

You'll be back.

I can feel it in my bones. Every once in a while I find myself out of cat videos to watch on Youtube and end up browsing Craigslist job postings in Tucson, without consciously meaning to. Eventually I'll find one, and then I'll be on my way. It's only a matter of time.

Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 21, 2014, 11:17:51 PM
Arizona is scary, man.

"Scary" falls somewhat short. In my brief 32 years, here are some things that I have *I swear to Christ* seen, in Arizona:

- A moth, as large as a doorknob. ON a doorknob, so I know I'm not making this shit up.
- A normal black fly. Normal, in all respects, except that it was as big as my six-year-old fist. Fuck the laws of physics, that shit was absolutely real.
- An out of body experience induced by the smell of average red latex paint.

And then there are the things that aren't even weird.
- Every single creature in the desert is weaponized, including what you'd normally think of as "prey" animals. Jackrabbits can kill you, as in kill you dead.
- We build bridges over rivers that have been bone dry for a thousand years.
- We build regular ground-level streets through rivers that look dry until the rainy season wipes them out once every decade.
- Sheriff Joe goes around in the wilderness putting up little white crosses to remind undocumented immigrants how dead they ought to be.
- Our cell phone towers are disguised as palm trees and cacti, because we want the convenience of the 21st century, but we want to pretend it's still 1860.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: V3X on January 21, 2014, 11:35:33 PM
- Sheriff Joe goes around in the wilderness putting up little white crosses to remind undocumented immigrants how dead they ought to be.

Yep.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 21, 2014, 11:50:03 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 21, 2014, 11:35:33 PM
- Sheriff Joe goes around in the wilderness putting up little white crosses to remind undocumented immigrants how dead they ought to be.

Yep.

When Sheriff Joe finally croaks, there will be ten worse guys to take his place. It always happens like that: "George Wallace is dead! That old racist generation is dying out and things are going to change for the better now!"

NOPE. If you think it's bad now, wait ten or fifteen years.

Arizona is also the place where tiny little tornados come and pick up four-by-fours and whirl them around for a just second before disappearing. When you walk past piles of crap, there's always a chance something could float up and brain you.

Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on January 22, 2014, 12:03:40 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 21, 2014, 11:50:03 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 21, 2014, 11:35:33 PM
- Sheriff Joe goes around in the wilderness putting up little white crosses to remind undocumented immigrants how dead they ought to be.

Yep.

When Sheriff Joe finally croaks, there will be ten worse guys to take his place. It always happens like that: "George Wallace is dead! That old racist generation is dying out and things are going to change for the better now!"

NOPE. If you think it's bad now, wait ten or fifteen years.

Arizona is also the place where tiny little tornados come and pick up four-by-fours and whirl them around for a just second before disappearing. When you walk past piles of crap, there's always a chance something could float up and brain you.

I disagree.  Sheriff Joe is the last of the dinosaurs.  When he's gone, all that will be left is small & annoying birds.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 22, 2014, 12:43:05 AM
Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on January 22, 2014, 12:03:40 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 21, 2014, 11:50:03 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 21, 2014, 11:35:33 PM
- Sheriff Joe goes around in the wilderness putting up little white crosses to remind undocumented immigrants how dead they ought to be.

Yep.

When Sheriff Joe finally croaks, there will be ten worse guys to take his place. It always happens like that: "George Wallace is dead! That old racist generation is dying out and things are going to change for the better now!"

NOPE. If you think it's bad now, wait ten or fifteen years.

Arizona is also the place where tiny little tornados come and pick up four-by-fours and whirl them around for a just second before disappearing. When you walk past piles of crap, there's always a chance something could float up and brain you.

I disagree.  Sheriff Joe is the last of the dinosaurs.  When he's gone, all that will be left is small & annoying birds.

This. Of course, it should not be construed to mean that Arizona will cease to be weird, or that Phoenix will cease to be filled with jackals.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: V3X on January 22, 2014, 12:46:18 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 22, 2014, 12:43:05 AM
Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on January 22, 2014, 12:03:40 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 21, 2014, 11:50:03 PM
Quote from: V3X on January 21, 2014, 11:35:33 PM
- Sheriff Joe goes around in the wilderness putting up little white crosses to remind undocumented immigrants how dead they ought to be.

Yep.

When Sheriff Joe finally croaks, there will be ten worse guys to take his place. It always happens like that: "George Wallace is dead! That old racist generation is dying out and things are going to change for the better now!"

NOPE. If you think it's bad now, wait ten or fifteen years.

Arizona is also the place where tiny little tornados come and pick up four-by-fours and whirl them around for a just second before disappearing. When you walk past piles of crap, there's always a chance something could float up and brain you.

I disagree.  Sheriff Joe is the last of the dinosaurs.  When he's gone, all that will be left is small & annoying birds.

This. Of course, it should not be construed to mean that Arizona will cease to be weird, or that Phoenix will cease to be filled with jackals.

No, we'll find a totally new way to be horrible.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Ben Shapiro

I'm having a hard on for Arizona now.

Telarus

Edit: Oops, meant to post in "Random New Stories".
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