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Aaand for reference purposes:

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=29009.0

For reference purposes:

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=29011.0

"I.  I.  I'm not okay with this.  I'm not okay with it.  I'm just a clerk, man.  That guy, he f*bleep*.  Getting my GED, I'll do whatever it takes, can't won't do this."
-Former 7/11 store clerk, when asked about the incident.

"You know what the worst part was?  It was the smell.  I showed up there and I just figured it was the hot dogs, but then it just stayed there the whole ride.  It really got to me.  It's not the burned flesh thing, I mean, I've dealt with burn victims before it's just.  Well.  He smelled delicious."
-Paramedic responding to the call.

"Between you and me?  Like, turn the camera off?  Not recording?  Alright, I was totally going to *bleep* him.  Never *bleep* a corpse before and I figured it was going to be my chance.  But then I was all getting into it and, well, do you remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?  The bad guy drinks from the wrong cup and he gets all old and *bleep*?  I felt that happening to my *bleep*.  No *bleep*.  Felt it.  Got the *bleep* out of there."
-Local pervert.

"Never seen anything like this before.  What do you want, some kind of comment?  Well that's my comment.  Never seen anything like this before, not in 13 years.  No, no we won't be investigating this matter.  Actually, I wish we didn't have to file this report.  Legally required to hold onto it for two years, you know.  So two years from now, when I'm finally over the whole thing, I'm going to be shredding some old documents, see my name down there, and remember it all again.  Look I'm going home and think of a thing to tell my wife and kid when they ask me what work was like today."
-Officer responding to the scene.

"Have you tried these hot dogs?  They're incredible.  I buy them by the half dozen now, here, take one."
-Bystander.

Ahaha hahahaha

Response up.   

I actually got the ambulance call at work.  I've heard some distraught EMTs in my years, but I don't think I've ever heard horrormirth actually creak through their voice quite like this time.

It was a priority 1 call, meaning basically they're either dead or dying.  Judging from the tone, I'll go with the former.  The got the call from Fall River, a guy stepping into the convenience store to buy some gas.  The clerk had, apparently, fled some time before.  A streak of sweat and grease on the door marked where his forehead apparently slammed as he attempted to run through the reinforced glass.  It must have been a fuck of a thing.  The guy works in a cess pit even New Bedford can look down upon, so you know he's seen some shit.

So the EMT says the guy was found with his head in a hot dog heater, his hoodie draw string all rolled up in a deadly weave amongst the favored late night treats of stoners and loners and gastronomic daredevils.  As you can imagine, the taught string had pulled the hood pretty well closed over the victim's face, basically catching itself on his brow and just under the nose.  These ambulance drivers don't usually get very descriptive in these cases, but here the man turned right into a poet.  He said the flesh looked like a topographical map of Mars, his nose closest to the heat lamps an Olympus Mons of sorts, but in the younger days of the planet where the occasional gush hinted at a life only very recently extinguished.

Evidence of a priapism is one of those things they teach you at the EMT courses, but I think this man forewent the traditional sweep of the crotch.  By his description, the hot dog heater was overhanging a shelf of bagged chips and small candies, which were strewn and, paradoxically, open.  A Neco wafer had lodged itself in the ceiling as though thrown like a discus.

He was covered in bruises.  I wanted then to interject and tell them, inform them they did not result from the struggle but from being beaten by sticks, which was in fact the purpose of his late night outing.  It explains why, in his tired state, energy expenditure did not seem all that great but for one thing.  After the momentary resistance against the slow and wretched machine, the man apparently gave up and focused on a new goal.  He ripped and he tore and he contorted in ways a big man should not be able to do to reach it.  Richter was found with a half eaten hot dog in his mouth, still present at the time of the ambulance ride as, apparently, it had been fused to him in the time it took the paramedics to arrive.

The EMT suggested a cleaning crew.  They were covered in vomit both their own and that of the patrons that seemed to witness the event, expel their stomachs, and turn heel in hopes of vanquishing the sight forever.  My guess is at least one of them is still running.

The important thing is he had a smile on his face and, well, they don't clean the grease trays on those things very often so a part of him is still among us.  Friends, this was a Holy Man.  I say we dedicate this 7/11 a shrine, and partake of its delectable wieners on Fridays.  Of course, sans buns.

Almost right, Richter, but EoC actually died choking on steel cut oats after laughing hysterically at his own memorium.

DRINK MY JUICES, FOLKS, SCOTCH IS ON ME.   

Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.

It's not superfluous if you want to impersonate a character from "South Park", or you have an asphixiation fetish.
I usually take them off my hoodies, they scream liability.

I can see it, Richter, leaning forward at the 7/11 hot dog roller to gaze at the gleaming near-sausages within.  In the trance brought forth by those glistening wieners, you barely notice the tug on the drawstring of your hoodie.  It's fed from one roller to the next, drawing you inexorably closer and suddenly your vision focuses not on the choice convenience store delicacies but the angry, vengeful red heat lamps above.  And your fate.

Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.

You can take the girl out of the goth club...

But you can't gutwrenchingly tear the goth club from the dark recesses of the dungeons in her tortured, bleak soul?

It appears I am now spending both days at Boston Comic Con.

How the hell do I let this happen?!

THAT'S COOL, HAVE FUN CURLING AT THE - OH WAIT.

[Is that Hayes?]

Whoa.

Is that Hayes?

These continue to be quite excellent, Pent.

Not what you had in mind?

No, it's perfect, I just wanted to make sure.

OR do that very same thing at a board that's being trolled.   

Whoa.

Is that Hayes?

These continue to be quite excellent, Pent.

[You can check your facts before you post. In a live interview you CAN be ambushed in a number of ways.]

I'm still incredulous as to how you can claim the tactic LMNO is talking about can't exist on the internet, though.

How are message board debates and live interviews purporting to be journalism remotely comparable?

You can check your facts before you post. In a live interview you CAN be ambushed in a number of ways.

And then there's the matter of expectations. Journalism is expected to contain undistorted factual information, message boards are expected to be full of opinion and trolls.

It's like going to a waste management plant for a romantic dinner and flipping out about all the poop.

So the basis of your argument is that people have no excuse to be ill prepared to respond to a question on the Internet, and therefore it doesn't happen.