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transformed by the corporation

Started by tyrannosaurus vex, September 26, 2014, 05:58:05 PM

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Junkenstein

"I need time off to go for an interview for a better job"

"You are clearly incompetent yet earn 5 times what I do. I am considering having you beaten by goons"

"You have no choice in this because of the realities of law and business you blithering simpleton"

"Pay me money or I will call the regulatory authority"

"I am not planning or doing anything suspicious"



Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Freeky

Shut the fuck up before I start stabbing until one of us is dead.

tyrannosaurus vex

Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on September 26, 2014, 09:43:07 PM
Shut the fuck up before I start stabbing until one of us is dead.

Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Freeky

That's amazing!  This whole thread is  :lulz:

tyrannosaurus vex

Quote from: Junkenstein on September 26, 2014, 09:40:04 PM
"I need time off to go for an interview for a better job"
I would like to formally submit a request for a brief but justified absence this afternoon in order to pursue activities related my professional development.
Quote
"You are clearly incompetent yet earn 5 times what I do. I am considering having you beaten by goons"
If you review the attached presentation, you may find it in the best interest of our Department to invest in protective facegear for all management staff.
Quote
"You have no choice in this because of the realities of law and business you blithering simpleton"
We seek to assure you that events will transpire in strict alignment with all previously agreed-to conditions. If you would like to discuss the matter in greater detail, please consult our Defenestration Department on floor 16B.
Quote
"Pay me money or I will call the regulatory authority"
My conduct and communications on this matter are strictly bound both by the applicable legal framework and by the compensatory dedication which binds me to my position.
Quote
"I am not planning or doing anything suspicious"
I have taken no counter-cooperative action and seek only to bolster our common benefit in all circumstances.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Junkenstein

Thank you Vex, a meeting I've got on Monday should be quite entertaining.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Junkenstein

Oh, I'll probably need:

"I am going to have you beaten by goons"

"Large goons"

"With hammers"

too.

Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

tyrannosaurus vex

Quote from: Junkenstein on September 26, 2014, 10:21:59 PM
Thank you Vex, a meeting I've got on Monday should be quite entertaining.
Report back with your progress! :lulz:

Quote from: Junkenstein on September 26, 2014, 10:24:09 PM
Oh, I'll probably need:

"I am going to have you beaten by goons"

"Large goons"

"With hammers"

too.

Market realities might dictate that we invest in muscle-based policy enforcement.
The Contractors brought on board to help with this process are physically imposing.
They will also be bringing to the team their considerable expertise in osteo-breakdown tools.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Reginald Ret

Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

Trivial

The sales people are selling things that don't exist, and may never exist.
Sexy Octopus of the Next Noosphere Horde

There are more nipples in the world than people.

The Wizard Joseph

This is great!  :lulz:

"I just met this chick in a bar last night. She dragged me back to her place, snorted blow off my forehead, popped a viagra in my mouth, and nearly killed me with the sexual. While I was recovering and she was in the john her cell started ringing. I glanced at it. Name said PaPa Sugarcane, but the number was the Director's office number. I double checked to be sure and got the fuck out! He wasn't in today."

(I know it's a lot, and I have complete faith in your documented ability to proforma motivate in tandem with swift rising, asymetrical market demands! Your achievement is my goal.)
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

tyrannosaurus vex

Quote from: a somewhat wiser Joe. on September 27, 2014, 08:17:32 AM
This is great!  :lulz:

"I just met this chick in a bar last night. She dragged me back to her place, snorted blow off my forehead, popped a viagra in my mouth, and nearly killed me with the sexual. While I was recovering and she was in the john her cell started ringing. I glanced at it. Name said PaPa Sugarcane, but the number was the Director's office number. I double checked to be sure and got the fuck out! He wasn't in today."

(I know it's a lot, and I have complete faith in your documented ability to proforma motivate in tandem with swift rising, asymetrical market demands! Your achievement is my goal.)
At a privately-operated imbibement center overnight I established networking ties with a representative of the opposite gender department. After exchanging contact information and resumes, she proceeded to consume a first-order tropane alkaloid from my glabella, administered a dose of sildenafil orally, and then we actualized an anatomical transfer give and take session which nearly resulted in complete biological incapacitance. Afterward as the distinguished representative was consuming lavatory services and I was recharging for further research, I noticed her cell phone ringing. Upon closer inspection the Caller ID alluded to one "PaPa Sugarcane." Curiously, however, the telephone number displayed matched that of the Director's office phone. After confirming this actuality, I made the executive decision that it would be best to immediately separate myself from the situation and did so. Today, the Director does not appear to be in the office.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Wizard Joseph

Quote from: V3X on September 27, 2014, 04:19:07 PM
Quote from: a somewhat wiser Joe. on September 27, 2014, 08:17:32 AM
This is great!  :lulz:

"I just met this chick in a bar last night. She dragged me back to her place, snorted blow off my forehead, popped a viagra in my mouth, and nearly killed me with the sexual. While I was recovering and she was in the john her cell started ringing. I glanced at it. Name said PaPa Sugarcane, but the number was the Director's office number. I double checked to be sure and got the fuck out! He wasn't in today."

(I know it's a lot, and I have complete faith in your documented ability to proforma motivate in tandem with swift rising, asymetrical market demands! Your achievement is my goal.)
At a privately-operated imbibement center overnight I established networking ties with a representative of the opposite gender department. After exchanging contact information and resumes, she proceeded to consume a first-order tropane alkaloid from my glabella, administered a dose of sildenafil orally, and then we actualized an anatomical transfer give and take session which nearly resulted in complete biological incapacitance. Afterward as the distinguished representative was consuming lavatory services and I was recharging for further research, I noticed her cell phone ringing. Upon closer inspection the Caller ID alluded to one "PaPa Sugarcane." Curiously, however, the telephone number displayed matched that of the Director's office phone. After confirming this actuality, I made the executive decision that it would be best to immediately separate myself from the situation and did so. Today, the Director does not appear to be in the office.

That was great!  You have restored my faith in the ability of doublespeak and jargon to cover all ills and make em sound pretty.

How about

"Go fuck yourself. I told you to tell that vendor not to arrive until after the morning deliveries are done at 11:30. Now I'm blocked into the lot by her van and the boss takes his sweet time schmoozing the pretty ones over lunch."
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

tyrannosaurus vex

Quote from: a somewhat wiser Joe. on September 27, 2014, 04:38:57 PM

That was great!  You have restored my faith in the ability of doublespeak and jargon to cover all ills and make em sound pretty.

How about

"Go fuck yourself. I told you to tell that vendor not to arrive until after the morning deliveries are done at 11:30. Now I'm blocked into the lot by her van and the boss takes his sweet time schmoozing the pretty ones over lunch."

Now would be an opportune time for you to engage in a self-actualizing autocoital exercise. As we discussed at our previous meeting, the 3rd-party vendor should have been instructed to postpone his arrival until after the already established time of morning deliveries. As a result of this oversight, the parking lot arrangement has negatively impacted my personal conveyance's range of momentum, and we will have to operate under these conditions while the Director bolsters company relations with prospective secretaries over lunch.
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Wizard Joseph

Dude! The weird part is execs eat this kind of crap right up. It's one of my favorite kinds of humor.

Now I want a Laconic Executive handbook. Teach em to use 1 syllable or less. Marketed on toughness and efficiency it just might fly if presented right.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl