The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2012

[P3nT4gR4m]

Rock n roll is a definable thing.  It may be a broad catagory (Elton John vs Metal, for example), but it is NOT all inclusive.

Maybe a distinction between rock n roll and plain rock is in order?

Rock n roll was what it was originally called. It was mainly white boys playing ripped-off boogie-woogie blues and singing about holding women's hands inappropriately and other stuff that was frowned upon back then. The early pioneers explored the other two crucial elements of the rock n roll trinity, namely sex and drugs and the heroes were the ones that took all three TO THE WALL. Some of them died, some completely defied medical science and actually survived.

This became the benchmark - sing songs that upset parents while showing the kids how to party like you mean it. Of course, every generation  it becomes harder to upset the parents, since they were brought up listening to the shit that upset the hell out the previous generation of parents. You have to push it further. Louder, noisier, more sex, more drugs. Our great great grandchildren will attend concerts where the lead singer swallows 8 kilos of crack and then fucks a bunch of farm animals while screaming incoherently until his liver explodes.


Sure you could probably buy a ticket for this gig right now but you'd have to go to Tijuana or Eastern Europe. In another couple of decades it'll be mainstream. Grade schoolers will be practicing "Fuck this sheep til my liver explodes" to sing to the parents at the school concert. The next generation will probably have to start killing people just to raise the bar.

The "roll" part was dropped in the 80's when Metal came along. Roll is too soft for a moshpit. No one rolls in there. You Rock, that's what you do.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

They're on tour but it isn't the original line-up.  Slash has been doing his solo thing, I think Duff has some band he's started that no one is listening to, I dunno I think Izzy might be pumpkin-farming with Jim Martin, and Steve Adler is busy telling anyone who will listen that he wants to be back in the band, which is pretty much what he's been doing ever since he got kicked out.

I gotta think there's a bunch of concert promoters waving big stacks of dough in front of Axl's face convincing him that the induction ceremony could be the beginning of a big reunion tour.  But Axl's got a lot of stubborn pride Down's Syndrome brain syphilis so I have great faith he will tell them all to get bent so he can soldier on with whatever gaggle of nu-metal cast-offs he has in the band currently.  

Fixed that for you.

FTFY

Also, fuck the Hall of Fame for inducting people like Madonna and passing on Doug Sahm and Roky Erickson.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Donovan?

Donovan??

DONOVAN???

How the hell did DONOVAN get on that list?

Am I seeing that right?

THIS Donovan? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCtcXDCxh7w

Because, OK, I really like Donovan, but I may have to completely redefine my concept of rock & roll if he belongs on that list.

It's because he sang about drugs and eating pussy in the 60's. They're that retarded.

[Triple Zero]

Our great great grandchildren will attend concerts where the lead singer swallows 8 kilos of crack and then fucks a bunch of farm animals while screaming incoherently until his liver explodes.

This is why I'll be teaching my grandkids how to rape a cow on crack as soon as they can insert their elbow as far as it goes on their own strength and hold the smoke in long enough.

That way they can be the cool kids that were already into hard-core it before everyone was doing it and it got mainstream like those fucking commercial sell-outs that use rubber gloves and sedated geese, the fucking pussies (IF ONLY!).

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

And defining rock 'n' roll is easy:

If the music makes me wanna get outta my chair and kick things, it's rock 'n' roll.

If having to listen to the music makes me wanna get outta my chair and kick things, it's not rock 'n' roll.

This can even vary drastically within one band's discography:

Damage Inc.?  VERY rock 'n' roll.

Nothing Else Matters? Very NOT rock 'n' roll.

Or even between different versions of the same song:

Higher Ground by Stevie Wonder? Not all that rock 'n' roll.

Higher Ground by RHCP? Pretty fuckin' rock 'n' roll.

Or even within a single song:

First 6 hours of Stairway to Heaven? Fuck my life.

Last couple minutes of Stairway to Heaven? I will rape Godzilla to this music.

But yeah, in the context of a Hall of Fame for musicians/bands it's a pretty useless term as currently applied. I still think we should open an actual IRL Metal hall of fame. I bet if we put it someplace like Hoboken or New Bedford or Toledo and made it affordable to the average working-class metalhead, we could actually make loot.

[Cain]

RHCP pre-One Hot Minute definitely deserve it, even though Anthony Keidis is the AKK of soft-rock radio.

In fact, the only member of RHCP I actually like is John Frusciante, who is rock and roll enough on his own to merit nomination.

[East Coast Hustle]

Agreed. Frusciante is the shit. One of the best guitarists alive (and possibly the most underrated) IMO.

IIRC he left the band, probably because they turned to such utter shit.