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OK Cupid: Round IVXXXIX

Started by Mesozoic Mister Nigel, August 03, 2013, 01:47:43 AM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 23, 2014, 06:15:31 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 23, 2014, 06:05:25 PM
Basically, I don't think that LG should feel bad because some random jerk feels guilty about cheating on his wife.

I don't, in fact, give a fuck what his excuses are, and I don't see why she should either. You know what the reasonable thing to do is, when you encounter the profile of someone who is not interested in you or your circumstances? Click away, look for someone else.

I would put money on the table that this guy isn't butthurt because she called cheating cheating. My bet is that he's butthurt because she's hot and she made it clear in her profile that she won't fuck him. I can't tell you how many messages I've gotten from guys who are mad that I won't even "give them a chance".

It's entitlement, pure and simple. Asshole farm up there is mad because he wants to cheat without anyone calling it cheating, but even more so, he's mad because she's closed the door on something he thinks he deserves, which is access to that fine ass.

In addition to the entitlement angle, I think the last little bit about "trying to make you better" is especially telling. You see, I am a woman who does not want to sleep with him, and therefore I must be wrong and broken and need a middle-aged know-it-all white male atheist to fix me.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I did not look this guy up or message him first. His profile is really fantastic, though. He heavily implies he has talked this over with the wife, when it's clear from our discussion that no he has not.

Yeah, he needs to improve you, and by "improve" he means convince you that you should have sex with him.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I'm really not even as anti-cheating as I probably sound. Shit happens, feelings happen, sex happens. People are messy and imperfect. Sometimes situations spin out of control, and you didn't go into it meaning to but the next thing you know it's six months later and you're having an affair.

On the other hand, going online and seeking out sex when your spouse doesn't know isn't just a messy life happening, it's about as premeditated as you can get. Demanding that people who aren't OK with that situation change their profiles to make it sound like they're more OK with it than they are is, IMO, a great big manipulative entitled asshole red flag.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

QuoteI know that New England is notoriously small-minded and puritanical to it's core but that streak seems to be exceptionally strong among the openly polyamorous.

Sounds like code for "I'm mad that none of the poly girls will fuck me because they have this whole narrow-minded 'honesty' hangup".

I don't care what this guy's situation is, he's a douchebag for trying to lay it on you and guilt-trip you.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Q. G. Pennyworth

I have to confess that I am super anti-cheating. I'm not gonna advocate for scarlet lettering anyone but the most obnoxious, entitled assholes over it, though.

My aunt got divorced in her late 50s because she found out her husband was cheating on her. I'm sure Chuck would have said a lot of the same things this asshole did, how it's a "sexless marriage" and he's "just trying to hold it together" but that doesn't change dick. He went out of his way to find a new dickcozy knowing that if and when the wife found out, she would divorce him. And she did. That's not saving the marriage, that's forcing the other party to do the difficult thing and say "I want out." I know firsthand that being the asshole who says "I want out" hurts and is terrible, but putting it off on the other person to say is just awful.

I don't care what promises people make to each other as a part of their marriage, I really don't. I've seen poly groups explode and monogamous couples split, happy long-term open relationships and successful decades-long monogamous marriages. If you are the kind of asshole who will make a promise within that kind of a relationship and break it without discussion or remorse, I don't want to date you. I don't care if it's hiding money or fucking the maid, either. That shit's toxic and I have a responsibility to protect myself and my family from drama.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

My philosophy on that is that if a dude is lying to his wife about something as significant as where he's putting his dick, and using their circumstances as an excuse for seeking sex with other women instead of seeking marriage counseling, there's no reason I should believe ANYTHING he says to me. He has no investment in me, he's made no promises.

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Freeky

Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 23, 2014, 07:02:25 PM
My philosophy on that is that if a dude is lying to his wife about something as significant as where he's putting his dick, and using their circumstances as an excuse for seeking sex with other women instead of seeking marriage counseling, there's no reason I should believe ANYTHING he says to me. He has no investment in me, he's made no promises.

Like a promise to you would even matter, look what they're doing to one where promises were made sort of thing?

Ben Shapiro

Quote from: EL MAESTRO! on November 23, 2014, 07:42:31 AM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 23, 2014, 05:11:51 AM
Quote from: NoLeDeMiel on November 23, 2014, 03:35:59 AM
Ugh.

I can conceive of scenarios in which this dude is not wrong. Very rare and very extreme. But it's that extreme part that would make the line "I'm not here to help you cheat on your wife" burn a hole through what would already be a pretty imperiled heart.

I would really love to hear a version of reality where people are wrong for calling cheating cheating.
Spend enough time on Tumblr and i guarantee you'll find one.


Damn it beat me to it!

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Choppas an' Sluggas on November 23, 2014, 07:20:31 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 23, 2014, 07:02:25 PM
My philosophy on that is that if a dude is lying to his wife about something as significant as where he's putting his dick, and using their circumstances as an excuse for seeking sex with other women instead of seeking marriage counseling, there's no reason I should believe ANYTHING he says to me. He has no investment in me, he's made no promises.

Like a promise to you would even matter, look what they're doing to one where promises were made sort of thing?

Yeah, that was kind of my point. If he's willing to deceive someone who he HAS made promises to, I have literally zero basis for expecting honesty.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Freeky

Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 23, 2014, 07:55:11 PM
Quote from: Choppas an' Sluggas on November 23, 2014, 07:20:31 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 23, 2014, 07:02:25 PM
My philosophy on that is that if a dude is lying to his wife about something as significant as where he's putting his dick, and using their circumstances as an excuse for seeking sex with other women instead of seeking marriage counseling, there's no reason I should believe ANYTHING he says to me. He has no investment in me, he's made no promises.

Like a promise to you would even matter, look what they're doing to one where promises were made sort of thing?

Yeah, that was kind of my point. If he's willing to deceive someone who he HAS made promises to, I have literally zero basis for expecting honesty.

:oops: I reiterated to see if I understood the point.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

That said, I can see reasons someone might want to sleep with a guy who's cheating on his wife. They're all pretty selfish reasons, though, and most of them apply equally well to dating someone who is in a legit open marriage.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Choppas an' Sluggas on November 23, 2014, 07:57:16 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 23, 2014, 07:55:11 PM
Quote from: Choppas an' Sluggas on November 23, 2014, 07:20:31 PM
Quote from: Sexy St. Nigel on November 23, 2014, 07:02:25 PM
My philosophy on that is that if a dude is lying to his wife about something as significant as where he's putting his dick, and using their circumstances as an excuse for seeking sex with other women instead of seeking marriage counseling, there's no reason I should believe ANYTHING he says to me. He has no investment in me, he's made no promises.

Like a promise to you would even matter, look what they're doing to one where promises were made sort of thing?

Yeah, that was kind of my point. If he's willing to deceive someone who he HAS made promises to, I have literally zero basis for expecting honesty.

:oops: I reiterated to see if I understood the point.

Oh, yes, then. Exactly.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Chelagoras The Boulder

had a pretty great OKC date tonight. Great girl, fun and super nerdy. we had dinner then went for drinks at this bar nearby that does karaoke( i sang three of my most ridiculous songs, she was too shy) We had super great conversation and everything just felt easy and comfortable. I can't wait to see her again. :D
"It isn't who you know, it's who you know, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do."

Chelagoras The Boulder

Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 23, 2014, 02:13:17 PM
Quote from: EL MAESTRO! on November 23, 2014, 07:50:02 AM
oh also, i had an honest question for the thread. I have had this profile on OKC for years now, with minimal success (few real dates, and even fewer message responses) I haven't really updated it in a while and i was wondering if i should just tweak the stuff thats changed in the meantime(for instance, I've now got my BA and am no longer a student) or start over from scratch. I've got a rough draft for a new profile, but first i'd like to know what you guys think. here it is:

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Chelagoras

In addition to everything Nigel said, get rid of the income, add a couple more things on "you should message me if," switch out your profile pic for one with better lighting and focus, and answer another couple hundred questions. Oh, and your media section needs some newer entries, too.

I don't know if this is universal, but every time I see "kissing" "cuddling" or similar smarmy shit in the good at section I barf a little in my mouth. This may be a personal problem.
would the luchador pics be too much? they have a much better lighting and focus and are pretty epic in their own right. On the other hand I could see how someone could write me off as a whacko for posting them. On the strange vestigial third hand however, i am a proud and unabashed whacko, and thus I feel I should be honest about what i'm bringing to the table here.  :lulz:
"It isn't who you know, it's who you know, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do."

The Johnny

Quote from: EL MAESTRO! on November 24, 2014, 05:32:48 AM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 23, 2014, 02:13:17 PM
Quote from: EL MAESTRO! on November 23, 2014, 07:50:02 AM
oh also, i had an honest question for the thread. I have had this profile on OKC for years now, with minimal success (few real dates, and even fewer message responses) I haven't really updated it in a while and i was wondering if i should just tweak the stuff thats changed in the meantime(for instance, I've now got my BA and am no longer a student) or start over from scratch. I've got a rough draft for a new profile, but first i'd like to know what you guys think. here it is:

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Chelagoras

In addition to everything Nigel said, get rid of the income, add a couple more things on "you should message me if," switch out your profile pic for one with better lighting and focus, and answer another couple hundred questions. Oh, and your media section needs some newer entries, too.

I don't know if this is universal, but every time I see "kissing" "cuddling" or similar smarmy shit in the good at section I barf a little in my mouth. This may be a personal problem.
would the luchador pics be too much? they have a much better lighting and focus and are pretty epic in their own right. On the other hand I could see how someone could write me off as a whacko for posting them. On the strange vestigial third hand however, i am a proud and unabashed whacko, and thus I feel I should be honest about what i'm bringing to the table here.  :lulz:

Showing your own personal brand of whacko is a good thing, filters out those that are turned off by it and attracts those more in the same wavelenght... saves time for everyone involved... on the other hand, if you are NOT looking for something meaningful, you should go as generic and positive have funish presentation as possible... so it depends on your objective.

Note: psychos should avoid this advice and rather focus on fix their personal flaws instead of exalting them  :horrormirth:
<<My image in some places, is of a monster of some kind who wants to pull a string and manipulate people. Nothing could be further from the truth. People are manipulated; I just want them to be manipulated more effectively.>>

-B.F. Skinner

Ben Shapiro

Quote from: EL MAESTRO! on November 24, 2014, 05:16:50 AM
had a pretty great OKC date tonight. Great girl, fun and super nerdy. we had dinner then went for drinks at this bar nearby that does karaoke( i sang three of my most ridiculous songs, she was too shy) We had super great conversation and everything just felt easy and comfortable. I can't wait to see her again. :D


*brofist*