Morals

[LHX]

Morals:

1. Don't betray.
2. Avoid debts and vendettas.
3. Pick your people.
4. Respect something.

that sounds more like sound advice than what people call morals

the fact that people somehow need to be told what 'good behavior' and 'bad behavior' is is immediately suspect


the only reason i can see for teaching any of that shit to kids is that they might lack a bit of foresight - but if you let them make a few mistakes, im sure they learn eventually

[AFK]

the only reason i can see for teaching any of that shit to kids is that they might lack a bit of foresight - but if you let them make a few mistakes, im sure they learn eventually

agreed.  kids need to know that the world WILL bite back.  The better prepared they are for that the better.  Also, it's good for kids to learn about certain things to keep them out of prison and other consequences that are going to limit their freedom of mobility.

Morality is their own journey as far as I'm concerned.  Sure, my daughter is going to absorb a certain "morality" from my wife and I just from being around us.  But, she's gotta calibrate her own compass.  I'll keep her from killing herself, or someone else, but beyond that it's her journey.  My wife and I will simply have the privelege of watching her as she pursues it. 

[LHX]

damn

that sounds like the most reasonable approach to parenting in this modern society that i have ever heard

[AFK]

here's hoping.

I think it has to do with my upbringing.  I was raised in a Baptist household and so "morality" was laid on fairly heavily.  And even when I was older living with a woman I wasn't married to.  I want to be able to have my daughter tell me my beliefs are BS because then I'll know, or have a good hunch, that she is processing information on her terms.  I don't want her to feel like she has to hide it as I felt I had to when I was growing up. 

[Triple Zero]

this kind of "backlash freedom" approach can have its disadvantages as well.

they WILL want to rebel when they hit puberty, so what are they going to do? yes..

and expect her to some day, step up to you and say she might have liked a little more guidance or sturdy background thing perhaps.

maybe not even because she needed it, but because her friends did get it and she feels left out

speaking from experience a littlebit ..

i'm NOT trying to tell you how to raise your child really! (dont get me wrong)

i'm just saying, because my mother had a very clear idea about how NOT to raise me (like her parents), and perhaps in a few things swung a littlebit over to the other side.

it's all about balance.

and it's probably one of the hardest things to do

[LMNO]

A child will always find something about their upbringing they didn't like.

I was brought up in an intellectual house, given lots of leeway and responsibility, but not too much emotionality.    Not that they were cold to me, but didn't have enougth exuberance for my liking.


I really shouldn't complain.  But sometimes, I do anyway.

[Triple Zero]

exactly. you can never do it right.

[LMNO]

I suppose the question is, "In what way do I want to fuck up my kid?"

[AFK]

this kind of "backlash freedom" approach can have its disadvantages as well.

they WILL want to rebel when they hit puberty, so what are they going to do? yes..

and expect her to some day, step up to you and say she might have liked a little more guidance or sturdy background thing perhaps.

maybe not even because she needed it, but because her friends did get it and she feels left out

speaking from experience a littlebit ..

i'm NOT trying to tell you how to raise your child really! (dont get me wrong)

i'm just saying, because my mother had a very clear idea about how NOT to raise me (like her parents), and perhaps in a few things swung a littlebit over to the other side.

it's all about balance.

and it's probably one of the hardest things to do

It's cool, I know where you are coming from.  And also brevity doesn't do me justice.  I'm not suggesting she won't have ANY structure, just that I'm always going to be making an effort to not "push" her.  To not tell her how to succeed at life.  How to be happy in life, and where she is going to find that happiness. 

For example, my little girl LOVES trains.  If I were to give her a doll, she'd take the doll and stick it head-first into the grill on her make-believe kitchen set.  I can see a lot of parents maybe covertly steering a girl like that towards more "girlie" things.  Or, conversely, I could see a father seizing upon this opportunity to reinforce this "maleness" because he secretly wants a little boy.  I just sit back, watch, and enjoy.  It's a wonder to see her explore through playing.  And, it's ended up that she treats her Thomas trains kind of like dolls.  She puts them to bed at night, covers them with blankets, etc.  It's a little strange, but it's great to see the wheels turn. 

Okay, wtf am I going on about?  I dunno.  You are right, the balancing act is hard.  It's like the BIP.  You are never totally 100% a "good" and "enlightened" parent.  I fall into parenting traps, discouraging things I shouldn't discourage, encouraging things I probably shouldn't encourage.  In the end, I guess you just do what seems right for your child and do your best not to squelch their Spark. 

[P3nT4gR4m]

I suppose the question is, "In what way do I want to fuck up my kid?"

My parents used to fight like cat and dog. Whenever they did they'd pick up a kid each and start beating the shit out each other with them. Then the bitch left the bastard when I was 6. I got real emotional and abandonment issues and the usual bollix. He started drinking too much and taking it out on me. I was left to fend for myself a lot of the time.

When I look at the comfy lives other kids my age were subjected to I think - "Thank fuck". I brought myself up. Learned responsibility, independence and how to think for myself. Families are for pussies - was the conclusion I came to. My advice - turf your kids out on the street - do them a world of good.

[LMNO]

You solipsistic narcissism makes more sense now.  Not much room to develop compassion in that environment.

[AFK]

I suppose the question is, "In what way do I want to fuck up my kid?"

My parents used to fight like cat and dog. Whenever they did they'd pick up a kid each and start beating the shit out each other with them. Then the bitch left the bastard when I was 6. I got real emotional and abandonment issues and the usual bollix. He started drinking too much and taking it out on me. I was left to fend for myself a lot of the time.

When I look at the comfy lives other kids my age were subjected to I think - "Thank fuck". I brought myself up. Learned responsibility, independence and how to think for myself. Families are for pussies - was the conclusion I came to. My advice - turf your kids out on the street - do them a world of good.

to each their own I guess.

[P3nT4gR4m]

You solipsistic narcissism makes more sense now.  Not much room to develop compassion in that environment.

Yuo meant nihillism right?

[LMNO]

You solipsistic narcissism makes more sense now.  Not much room to develop compassion in that environment.

Yuo meant nihillism right?

That too.


I suppose "solipsistic narcissism" is redundant, huh?

[P3nT4gR4m]

Lol - either that or one miserable fucker!