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Still Yet More Anon PM Responses. Again.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, June 09, 2014, 05:09:56 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

I have 17 saved up, so here's the first 10:

1.  Dear Tard:  I am not actually in charge of anyone here.  Nor would I want to be, because they are disgusting fleshy things that ooze fluids out of various orifices at times.  Nor can I make them SHUT UP; believe me, I have tried.  The fact that they say things that offend you is a problem in YOUR head, not mine.  I am, like you, not an atheist.  Unlike you, though, I do not believe that blasphemy is something that affects anyone other than the blasphemers themselves, and also unlike you, I feel that God has a sense of humor.  You should try it yourself.  It will make you more godly and less of an insufferable punter.

2.  I never fucking said that the NFL is a good thing, or fun to watch.  What I said was that you can't understand America without understanding the NFL.  The distinction is not that difficult.  Also, just because YOU don't like watching cars make left turns for 500 miles doesn't mean other people don't derive satisfaction from it.  Would a NASCAR fan come take away your happy sock?  Probably not.  So leave them to THEIR fun and they'll leave YOU to YOURS.

3.  Nigel and I ARE the same person.  This affords us many benefits.  She gets to stick her dick in all of us (At the same time.  Don't ask.), and I get to show a little cleavage in the conference room when I want to get everyone to agree with me.  Also, I look SMASHING in a sun dress on a hot Tucson day.  I have a horrendous track record with boyfriends, though, and Nigel fucks my wife on a regular basis.  Everyone involved is comfortable with this; don't question it.

4.  No, "frottage" is NOT French for "cheese" (You're thinking "frommage").  Though I have to say that the resulting confusion could be funny.

5.  I have never been to North Dakota, nor do I want to go there.  So, no, it wasn't ME following you around.  You might ask Nigel, though (see #3).  Where do you freaks come from?  Is there something in the fucking water?  NOBODY IS FOLLOWING YOU AROUND.  At least nobody from this board.  Except maybe Richter.  He isn't to be trusted. 

6.  Because my dick has an elbow.  Nuff said.

7.  While I appreciate the sentiment, and acknowledge my own geriatric sexiness, I am certainly NOT flying to England to do SCIENCE on you.  Or whatever else you had in mind.  I've seen enough bad crime dramas to know that I'd wake up in a tub full of ice, missing a kidney.  And believe, me, I need BOTH of those fuckers; I eat a lot of Asian food, and I drink pulque.  One kidney isn't going to make the nut.  It would clog and back up, and then I'd have urine streaming out of my nostrils.  Again.  So allow me to suggest that you find a partner for your weirder ideas in an appropriate part of your own fair city.  May I suggest Lambeth road?  Rent boys are cheap there, I have heard, and they don't need EITHER of their kidneys.

8.  Those of us here in Tucson hate you because we are dead and you are alive, and this makes us bitter and envious.  Given half a chance, we will haunt your bathroom forever.  Because it's better than Tucson, even if you have irritable bowel syndrome and lactose intolerance.  Do not imagine that we wouldn't trade the rest of our eternity for your worst day.  Or failing that, haunting the hell out of you.  Are you ready for that?  Are you ready to look in the bathroom mirror and see me standing behind you, with a GRIN on my face and nothing but black holes where my eyes ought to be?  Good luck putting that make up on under THOSE circumstances, Sunshine.  Muhaha.

9.  The Facebook Discordians are like that weird cousin that gets too drunk at family get togethers, and then tries to fuck the dog.  Go home, Facebook, you're drunk.  Go see for yourself.

10. No, I don't know you.  I don't want to know you, because you're a bad person.  I have plenty of experience with bad people.  LMNO and Nigel, for example.  They are both absolute rotters, and would steal the shirt right off your back.  LMNO is a vicious dope fiend who can't be allowed out in public without EoC, his handler.  It's been tried, and they had to rename Pleasantville, MA, which is now "Deadham".  Nigel was born wrong, and thinks everything in the world can be solved with a blow torch and some colored sand.  She is also the reason you are so butthurt; her dick is jammed right up to your liver.  I believe this has been explained...Her dick is in EVERYONE'S ass, which is why everyone's an asshole these days.  Understandable, really.


(Remaining 7 to be rolled in with the next 3)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

I like that someone in England wants you to SCIENCE them. That's entertaining. Especially if they weren't too specific, you could always just dump a tub of Richter sauce on them and see how long it takes for various limbs to melt.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

UB

Within the grip of Err.... some are fucked in the head by a fist of fire.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Inge on June 09, 2014, 05:19:34 PM
Facebook Discordians? Hmmmm.

You'll love them.

Go to Facebook, search "The Discordian Society".  Not "The Discordian Society 2014", just "The Discordian Society".  Tell them Hamish sent you.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Quote from: Inge on June 09, 2014, 05:19:34 PM
Facebook Discordians? Hmmmm.

You'd probably get on there really well. :) It's a friendly place full of learning and sharing and wacky hijinx.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 09, 2014, 05:21:33 PM
Quote from: Inge on June 09, 2014, 05:19:34 PM
Facebook Discordians? Hmmmm.

You'd probably get on there really well. :) It's a friendly place full of learning and sharing and wacky hijinx.

This.  Inge, also, take some time to get to know the user "Matt Kilbe".  He's first rate.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO


Luna

I would like to point out that, in order to solve at least one of my problems, a blow torch and colored sand would be a lovely, creative place to begin.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Cain

I know this is "anonymous" PM responses, but the third one is totally Scilon Agent or Rev. Stu

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Cain on June 09, 2014, 06:10:17 PM
I know this is "anonymous" PM responses, but the third one is totally Scilon Agent or Rev. Stu

I can neither confirm nor deny.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 09, 2014, 05:09:56 PM
6.  Because my dick has an elbow.  Nuff said.

I'm going to be puzzling over what brought on that reply all day now.

THANKS A LOT, OBAMA.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on June 09, 2014, 06:13:18 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 09, 2014, 05:09:56 PM
6.  Because my dick has an elbow.  Nuff said.

I'm going to be puzzling over what brought on that reply all day now.

THANKS A LOT, OBAMA.

:hammer:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Q. G. Pennyworth

Every time I read a TGRR thread, something terrible crawls in my brain.

ELBOW DICK?

Cain

You had an elbow-dick crawl into your brain?  I'm no expert, but that doesn't sound healthy,