I'm eventually going to have to leave Boston forever.

[LMNO]

Incidentally, where else has she lived?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Ok.  So, the default response here seems to be she "fucking hates Boston".

I think you two are going to have to unpack that.  A lot.  The initial reasons about why she hates it are immediately contradicted by her willingness to live in essentially the same city, but with a worse crime rate (Philly).

A gut reaction to a place is fine, but for a major life change such as this, you both need to know what's triggering that reaction.  Because it's not "snow/cost of living/people suck/public transportation".

I'm working on that. Those are reasons she hates Boston, and taken individually they're not deal breakers. The more Bostonlike the less happy she'll be about it. It's also worth noting that I am the only reason she's still here. Our friends and our families are not. And those are two reasons why I don't want to leave. She hates her family, I hate her family too, so I can understand that, but she only feels like she has a handful of real friends, and she questions the motives of one, since she wonders if their friendship is more of one of convenience (,said friend lives downstairs and is blind but also apparently slightly sociopathic. My reaction to that is uh... but she's blind, and your her closest friend, both in friendship and in literal proximity. Of course she relies on you. But I also don't see their whole friendship on a daily basis)

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Incidentally, where else has she lived?

West Roxbury. She's lived in two places, including her current neighborhood of Adams Village.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Maybe she just fucking hates Irish people

[Suu]

I don't want to make this thread about myself, but let me give you our scenario, and maybe it will help:

Jeff hates people. Period. He hates cities. He hates Boston, he REALLY hates Providence, and he exceptionally hates New York City. He's retiring from the Navy in 10 years. That gives me enough time to finish my MA, float around with him, potentially get a PhD, and nail a high-paying curatoral gig. I love cities, I navigate them well, I handle the people well and I love public transportation.

Where are the museums with the collections I want to work with?

New York City, Boston, and Providence.

The words we are using now is called, "Commutable distance." Where can we live where I will have access to a train or bus to get to work on a daily basis in one of these cities?

The Metro North runs as far north as Dutchess County NY, that's a nice area in the Hudson Highlands south of the Catskills, and also up to Danbury, CT, which requires Western Connecticut, and gross, but I can get to Manhattan in 2 hours on the local trains. Express...an hour and a half.

The longest MBTA purple line runs to Wickford, RI now, which is a town I love that isn't extremely populated. I can also get that train into Providence.  Commuter buses serve New Hampshire, and so far we're liking Portsmouth. the C&J terminal is about 3 miles away from my complex right now. I can be in Boston in an hour. I would get comparable times from Nashua and Manchester, should we live in the less populated areas surrounding those cities.

We already decided we're not living in Massachusetts, and I don't like Western Connecticut, so that leaves us with New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, and New Hampshire. New Jersey outside of the disgusting "Jersey" areas DOES NOT SUCK. Northern NJ closer to the PA border is still serviced by NJ Transit trains. Either way, we're in it for a high cost of living and potentially shitty taxes outside of NH, but that's the price you pay for living in the Northeast, but should be offset with a good paying career.

But wait, there's more. Military benefits. Where can we live with proximity to a base with a commissary and exchanges to help save money, and also have access to healthcare through the VA? There's a large ANG base in Newburgh, NY, that has Metro-North access, and is in the Highlands on the river. Ding.

But that's just one option. See? This gets way more involved than, "I hate Boston, I hate snow and I want to move forever." You need to sit down with your girl and start taking this seriously.

[Suu]

It sounds to me like she doesn't have a clue of the world outside of Boston. Moving to New Hampshire from Providence has DRIVEN ME FUCKING CRAZY. Not because it's not nice here, because it is, but the lack of convenient anything sucks. Remember that if you choose to leave the hub, because once you're out, it's a different world.

That's very much crossed my mind. And the last thing I want to happen is to move to a place that a couple of months in decides is not for her, but now I'm in grad school and now we're stuck there and neither of us want to be there.

From Portsmouth I can take the municipal bus to UNH, and the C&J to Boston. I can also take it to the grocery store...but it only runs on the hour, always runs late, and not past 9pm or on Sundays at all.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I don't want to make this thread about myself, but let me give you our scenario, and maybe it will help:

Jeff hates people. Period. He hates cities. He hates Boston, he REALLY hates Providence, and he exceptionally hates New York City. He's retiring from the Navy in 10 years. That gives me enough time to finish my MA, float around with him, potentially get a PhD, and nail a high-paying curatoral gig. I love cities, I navigate them well, I handle the people well and I love public transportation.

Where are the museums with the collections I want to work with?

New York City, Boston, and Providence.

The words we are using now is called, "Commutable distance." Where can we live where I will have access to a train or bus to get to work on a daily basis in one of these cities?

The Metro North runs as far north as Dutchess County NY, that's a nice area in the Hudson Highlands south of the Catskills, and also up to Danbury, CT, which requires Western Connecticut, and gross, but I can get to Manhattan in 2 hours on the local trains. Express...an hour and a half.

The longest MBTA purple line runs to Wickford, RI now, which is a town I love that isn't extremely populated. I can also get that train into Providence.  Commuter buses serve New Hampshire, and so far we're liking Portsmouth. the C&J terminal is about 3 miles away from my complex right now. I can be in Boston in an hour. I would get comparable times from Nashua and Manchester, should we live in the less populated areas surrounding those cities.

We already decided we're not living in Massachusetts, and I don't like Western Connecticut, so that leaves us with New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, and New Hampshire. New Jersey outside of the disgusting "Jersey" areas DOES NOT SUCK. Northern NJ closer to the PA border is still serviced by NJ Transit trains. Either way, we're in it for a high cost of living and potentially shitty taxes outside of NH, but that's the price you pay for living in the Northeast, but should be offset with a good paying career.

But wait, there's more. Military benefits. Where can we live with proximity to a base with a commissary and exchanges to help save money, and also have access to healthcare through the VA? There's a large ANG base in Newburgh, NY, that has Metro-North access, and is in the Highlands on the river. Ding.

But that's just one option. See? This gets way more involved than, "I hate Boston, I hate snow and I want to move forever." You need to sit down with your girl and start taking this seriously.

I am taking this seriously. She wants me to start thinking about what I need in a place, and what places work. That's the point we are in the conversation. Surprise surprise, the place that best matches my needs is the Greater Boston Area. So, I'm going to have to find what makes a place good enough.

[Junkenstein]

Personal note, seriously consider the time you are willing to spend commuting.

I've done the 2hours+/day thing and it really fucking sucks after a while. I got increasingly concious of the level of time I was spending just shifting my arse from A-B. Shifting my arse around the world is not one of the ways I have lots of fun. Fun is at the destinations.

Consider - A 2 hour commute a day X 5 days = 10 hours at best (assume no traffic/service fuckups). Hours in a week = 168.
So that's 6% of your week you just spend travelling around. At best.

Anyway, I'd strongly suggest living as close as possible to where-ever you're going to be working, even if it does impact on the cost of living. As long as you're pulling in more than needs to go out, you're good.

[Suu]

I am taking this seriously. She wants me to start thinking about what I need in a place, and what places work. That's the point we are in the conversation. Surprise surprise, the place that best matches my needs is the Greater Boston Area. So, I'm going to have to find what makes a place good enough.

There's plenty of nice areas outside of the city within a 45 minute train ride. I cannot guarantee the quality of snow removal anywhere in said areas, though. She may have to accept that for now, this is where you need to be until other opportunities come around.

Right now, it sounds more like Villager is being way too finite about leaving without considering what's best for you.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Personal note, seriously consider the time you are willing to spend commuting.

I've done the 2hours+/day thing and it really fucking sucks after a while. I got increasingly concious of the level of time I was spending just shifting my arse from A-B. Shifting my arse around the world is not one of the ways I have lots of fun. Fun is at the destinations.

Consider - A 2 hour commute a day X 5 days = 10 hours at best (assume no traffic/service fuckups). Hours in a week = 168.
So that's 6% of your week you just spend travelling around. At best.

Anyway, I'd strongly suggest living as close as possible to where-ever you're going to be working, even if it does impact on the cost of living. As long as you're pulling in more than needs to go out, you're good.

Yeah, I like not having to commute too long if I can help it.

I am taking this seriously. She wants me to start thinking about what I need in a place, and what places work. That's the point we are in the conversation. Surprise surprise, the place that best matches my needs is the Greater Boston Area. So, I'm going to have to find what makes a place good enough.

There's plenty of nice areas outside of the city within a 45 minute train ride. I cannot guarantee the quality of snow removal anywhere in said areas, though. She may have to accept that for now, this is where you need to be until other opportunities come around.

Right now, it sounds more like Villager is being way too finite about leaving without considering what's best for you.

This is not an immediate thing. She knows that I'm stuck here til around 2017. This does have immediate impacts on me, as it effects what might be a good idea as far as transferring to a four year is. If I'm not going to grad school at MIT, then maybe I should finish up my bachelor's there in order to make me look better outside of Massachusetts.

[Suu]

Okay, that makes more sense. The vibe I was getting from your posts was, "I want to leave Boston NOW and you're coming with me. Fuck this place. The End."

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So, some reasons she's given thus far are she hates the snow, and shoveling, she hates relying on public transportation to get to work, she hates the cost of living, the people here are rude and unfriendly, the weather in general.

Tampa.

I'm not fucking joking, I'm not saying this is a biased manner because it's where I grew up, but you WILL find work there, and it doesn't snow. Did you see my post?

I don't think the kind of biology in Tampa is the kind of biology Twid is planning on doing.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The way I see it, a place with a low cost of living for rent/supplies will usually not offer anything substantial in terms of jobs in the biology fields.  This would imply either getting a job in the area that is not in biology (which could easily mean a reduced income, making the low cost of living moot), or getting a job with an extended commute, adding both social and financial cost (social cost = a daily 2 hour+ commute reduces time spent as a couple), again rendering the cost of living meaningless.

I agree with you. It's probably going to come down to getting a car, or her dropping me off at a bus stop. I'm not in anyway at this point willing to make my biology degree moot. I went back to school mostly for her. I'm not starting over again, so I'm going to be a biologist one way or another.

Why don't you postpone thinking about it until you're closer to graduation, have a clear idea about your subfield, and are able to look at jobs in that subfield? Because people are telling you "there are no jobs in biology outside of major cities", but frankly, they have no idea what they're talking about. I think they have some cartoon concept of what biology means. It depends entirely on what field of biology. You want to do cancer research? You need to be in a major city. But you have many, many classes in front of you and you may find yourself engrossed in a subfield that has job opportunities in a surprising little burg.

[Suu]

So, some reasons she's given thus far are she hates the snow, and shoveling, she hates relying on public transportation to get to work, she hates the cost of living, the people here are rude and unfriendly, the weather in general.

Tampa.

I'm not fucking joking, I'm not saying this is a biased manner because it's where I grew up, but you WILL find work there, and it doesn't snow. Did you see my post?

I don't think the kind of biology in Tampa is the kind of biology Twid is planning on doing.

He was looking for ideas, and I gave him one, that's it.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

The way I see it, a place with a low cost of living for rent/supplies will usually not offer anything substantial in terms of jobs in the biology fields.  This would imply either getting a job in the area that is not in biology (which could easily mean a reduced income, making the low cost of living moot), or getting a job with an extended commute, adding both social and financial cost (social cost = a daily 2 hour+ commute reduces time spent as a couple), again rendering the cost of living meaningless.

I agree with you. It's probably going to come down to getting a car, or her dropping me off at a bus stop. I'm not in anyway at this point willing to make my biology degree moot. I went back to school mostly for her. I'm not starting over again, so I'm going to be a biologist one way or another.

Why don't you postpone thinking about it until you're closer to graduation, have a clear idea about your subfield, and are able to look at jobs in that subfield? Because people are telling you "there are no jobs in biology outside of major cities", but frankly, they have no idea what they're talking about. I think they have some cartoon concept of what biology means. It depends entirely on what field of biology. You want to do cancer research? You need to be in a major city. But you have many, many classes in front of you and you may find yourself engrossed in a subfield that has job opportunities in a surprising little burg.

That's a fair point. She was pretty stressed out over it during the weekend. It's something for me to keep in mind. Incidentally, Nigel already knows this, but the areas of biology I'm currently interested fall under Microbiology, molecular biology, virology, and early life on earth