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THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD

Started by Cainad (dec.), June 30, 2010, 10:50:19 PM

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Cainad (dec.)

Fruit is fucking awesome. It's all growing on trees and shrubs and shit, and you can totally just leave a fruit-bearing plant in your backyard, never do any work (except the initial planting if you don't already have one), and BAM it'll give you a bunch of awesome fruit FOR FREE.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

If you're really hardcore, you can grow shit like cantaloupes and watermelon in a garden but that's work so screw that.



MANGOES FUCK YEAH

Eat these sweet bitches straight (gotta slice 'em up though 'cause the skin and seed are some nasty shit) or make a delicious-as-fuck mango chutney to smear all over your boring-ass chicken, and possibly you or your significant other's tits if you're into that.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Some of 'em are like WEEDS and once you have them they just spread everywhere, dumping delicious fruit ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. I just walked out of my house and BAM! Right in the middle of a raspberry patch. I just grabbed handfuls of those little fuckers off the bush and popped 'em right in my mouth until my belly was full.

Fucking raspberries:

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Cainad (dec.)

Oh HELL yeah raspberries. Think I'm gonna pay whatever the hell they're charging for a tiny box of them at the store? Fuck no. Get 'em for free right off of mother nature's bountiful awesomeness.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Strawberries:



They grow on the motherfucking ground, like sweet little ninjas of fruity reproduction. These motherfuckers are so badass that they not only propagate by seed, but they also divide at the root, and not content with that, they ALSO send out runners to colonize nearby soil. These badass bitches would take over the world if they weren't stopped by force, and on top of that they have enlisted humankind to help them in their domination by tempting us with sweet, delicious fruit, which they will gladly produce great bounties of even in the poorest soil, with almost no maintenance (other than trying to keep them out of everywhere else in your garden).
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Suu

Hey guise, wanna know what?

My parents have a papaya tree. MOTHERFUCKING PAPAYAS.



Ever see the fucking size of a papaya? HOLY FUCK they're like a GODDAMN rugby ball, FUCK!



And look at all those GODDAMN SEEDS. You can grow a whole GODDAMN orchard of fucking papayas with those fuckers! SHIT!

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Remington

Holy motherfucking shit, Crabapple trees!



What's that, you say? You don't like crabapples?

Well FUCK YOU. This bitch puts out so many goddamn apples that you seriously don't know what to do with the motherfucking things. You'll choke to death on sour-tinged heaven, and this mean, green, botanical machine will still have enough to feed a fucking army.



You will nom, and you will fucking love it.
Is it plugged in?

Pope Pixie Pickle

Quote from: Suu on June 30, 2010, 11:35:59 PM
Hey guise, wanna know what?

My parents have a papaya tree. MOTHERFUCKING PAPAYAS.



Ever see the fucking size of a papaya? HOLY FUCK they're like a GODDAMN rugby ball, FUCK!



And look at all those GODDAMN SEEDS. You can grow a whole GODDAMN orchard of fucking papayas with those fuckers! SHIT!



i AM SO GODDAMNED JEALOUS!

Papaya juice and spiced rum FTW!

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

GRAPES



YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S A HUGE FUCKING PIC

BECAUSE LOOK AT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PLANT 'EM, JUST THROW A STICK ON THE GROUND AND IN A COUPLE YEARS IT'S A 70-FOOT VINE CLIMBING TREES AND SHIT. AND THEN IN THE FALL THAT SONOFABITCH WILL PRODUCE A MILLION POUNDS OF UNCONTROLLABLE CLUSTERS OF FRUIT

YOU CAN MAKE WINE WITH THESE BITCHES, OR RAISINS, OR JELLY, OR JUST EAT 'EM FRESH OFF THE VINE LIKE GODDAMN VINE CANDY.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Suu

You see that white powdery shit?! THAT'S MOTHERFUCKING YEAST ON THOSE GRAPES!

WINE! NAO!
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Richter

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I am pretty sure I want to eat it, whatever the fuck it is.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Richter

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat