Purple Monkey Statement One (from a long time ago)

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Purple Monkey Mafia/Cabal Statement One:

It doesn,Äôt matter whether you believe in magic or not. We will use magic to subvert everything you stand for. We will dream walk you. We will enchant you. We will cast spells upon you. We will manifest your own desires solidly in front of you through the use of your own secret memories. What right have we to invade you like this? Well, what right have you to invade the quality of our air through driving your polluting vehicles? What right do you have to lower the standard of our lives by your incessant breeding of yuppie children who over-consume? We are the conspiracy that can not be jailed, assassinated, or silenced because your authorities have not the tools nor the means to fight us on this battlefield. If you think this is a Discordian trick or a joke of some kind, good. And may the gods bless you on the day you realize that it is not. Trying to stop chaos is like pissing in the wind, it may make you smugly happy, but it will not do anything else.

We are the ignorant bastard children who have stumbled upon the wisdom which you can never attain. This pisses you off to no end, even if we offer that wisdom to you for free, because it is not wisdom you want, but the acclaim you feel is your due for having wisdom. And that is why wisdom is denied you. If only you knew the powers inherent in foolery. You can keep lying to yourself. The multiverse is not fooled.

Your system of possibilities is not a prerequisite for our actions. Your beliefs will not stop our magical subversion. Your control will not stop our laughter as we watch your system eat itself and you with it. Don,Äôt think you can run and hide, for you will only get exhausted, and we will still be there, inside your deepest thoughts, subverting them against you. We are the chaotic children of Eris and have always been here threatening and overthrowing your tepid systems of domination. We have put up with you for long enough to allow you to paint yourselves into a corner. But we tolerate your ruination of our planet no longer. If you think this is a declaration of war, you are right. Occult assaults on everyone of your institutions will become more common from this day forth. If you think this is some surrealist joke, remember it. In the future you may fucking well wish it was.

[Guido Finucci]

Dutifully read and tucked away in the quotes file.

[Horab Fibslager]

my magic comes with cooler special effects.

[UndercoverLazyHugh]

Damn.  I can't believe we actually wrote that and posted it in bar bathrooms.

[Trollax]

Damn.  I can't believe we actually wrote that and posted it in bar bathrooms.

I'm thinking of trying to start a cabal on campus again

but with simpler, more-ostenatatious advertising...

like just A3 posters with sacred chaos done with an ink brush style and stuff...

[maddcat0]

Trying to stop chaos is like pissing in the wind, it may make you smugly happy, but it will not do anything else.

..and sometimes the wind will blow that piss right back at ya!  

[Trollax]

Trying to stop chaos is like pissing in the wind, it may make you smugly happy, but it will not do anything else.

..and sometimes the wind will blow that piss right back at ya!  

Which is most-disgusting and unhygenic.

[Guido Finucci]

<cough>

[Guido Finucci]

..and sometimes the wind will blow that piss right back at ya!  

Which is most-disgusting and unhygenic.

Unhygenic? Urine? No way - it is incredibly sterile unless you get an especially nasty disease. In general, it is less hygenic to get splashed with tap water than it is to get splashed with urine, especially if it is your own.

Disgusting? Well, you might have a bit of a point there but we do live in a world of shit, piss and blood.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My magic consists of outbursts of violence and foul language.

It ain't much, but it keeps the yahoos away from my door.

[Bella]

My magic consists of outbursts of violence and foul language.

It ain't much, but it keeps the yahoos away from my door.

Sounds like highly effective magic to me.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My magic consists of outbursts of violence and foul language.

It ain't much, but it keeps the yahoos away from my door.

Sounds like highly effective magic to me.

A useful trick I learned in the army was The Slap.

It's a technique by which you can knock down anyone, of any size, with a simple slap.  It does them no permanent harm, but it's funny as hell.

Now, THAT'S magic.

[Bella]

My magic consists of outbursts of violence and foul language.

It ain't much, but it keeps the yahoos away from my door.

Sounds like highly effective magic to me.

A useful trick I learned in the army was The Slap.

It's a technique by which you can knock down anyone, of any size, with a simple slap.  It does them no permanent harm, but it's funny as hell.

Now, THAT'S magic.

I wanna learn that kinda magic.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

My magic consists of outbursts of violence and foul language.

It ain't much, but it keeps the yahoos away from my door.

Sounds like highly effective magic to me.

A useful trick I learned in the army was The Slap.

It's a technique by which you can knock down anyone, of any size, with a simple slap.  It does them no permanent harm, but it's funny as hell.

Now, THAT'S magic.

I wanna learn that kinda magic.

Simple.  Slap them low on the side of the head.  Position it so that your thumb strikes JUST in front of their ear (at the base of the earlobe), and that your cupped fingers strike them on the neck JUST behind the ear.  This messes up their inner ear for a second, they lose their balance, and fall down.  Done properly, it makes a HELL of a SLAP noise.

Do NOT strike the actual ear itself.

[Bella]

My magic consists of outbursts of violence and foul language.

It ain't much, but it keeps the yahoos away from my door.

Sounds like highly effective magic to me.

A useful trick I learned in the army was The Slap.

It's a technique by which you can knock down anyone, of any size, with a simple slap.  It does them no permanent harm, but it's funny as hell.

Now, THAT'S magic.

I wanna learn that kinda magic.

Simple.  Slap them low on the side of the head.  Position it so that your thumb strikes JUST in front of their ear (at the base of the earlobe), and that your cupped fingers strike them on the neck JUST behind the ear.  This messes up their inner ear for a second, they lose their balance, and fall down.  Done properly, it makes a HELL of a SLAP noise.

Do NOT strike the actual ear itself.

Cool, thanks.