http://www.reuters.com/article/us-northkorea-missiles-china-quake/north-korea-says-rockets-to-u-s-inevitable-as-u-s-bombers-fly-off-north-korean-coast-idUSKCN1BY0BSFucking REUTERS, ground zero for neutral and objective reporting, is finally starting to sound like The Onion. If the autistic backwater of North Korea were even capable of getting out of its electric wheelchair to throw a punch, we'd be on the brink of nuclear war instigated in the same manner as a bizarre chapter from a Douglas Adams novel, save for the fact that our LEADERS aren't YET talking about each other's mother's.
Despite being creatively innocuous, apparently being called "rocket man" is enough to prompt Kim Jong Il - a grown man who has difficulty locating his sideburns - to shoot back with all of the fury of a SubReddit title. Donald Trump has been called a lot of well-deserved nicknames over the last nine months, but "Dotard" really combines the childishness of the Internet with all of the artistic nuance of a Jackson Pollock.
Finally, my wishes have come true. The headlines of my personal utopia have never been anything short of "Dotard to Rocket Man: U Mad, Bro?"
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