OK Cupid: Round IVXXXIX

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

Right so after the whole thing i just posted i am considering switching up my profile. I had written up a prospective new profile a while back, but i'd like to post it up here first too see if its too... aggressive? tell me what you think.

"Alright, so I've had the same self- summary for the past several years and it's gotten me nowhere. Let's start from the top....
I'm not going to try to encapsulate everything about me in a profile. I'm a complex person, so doing that would be impossible anyway. Besides, that would take away the fun of getting to know me, right? Right. So instead, I'm going to be up front with what I'm hoping to get out of this site and what I can offer to you, Person Reading This Profile.
So, first and foremost, I want to make it clear that I'm not looking for a one night stand. No, this is not a ploy, not some PUA bluff mean to get your guard down so I can get in your pants. I guarantee that if we have a one night stand, it will be largely unintentional. I have never been in a serious relationship before yet through my experiences with dating I've found that I'm one of those guys for whom physical attraction and emotional connection go hand in hand, so it just makes sense for me to focus on a girlfriend.
But even then, why should you even give me a chance? You, being a lovely lady on a dating site, I'm sure you're up to your shapely figure in messages from guys better looking than me, so why bother? Well, to be honest, if that's the case, then by all means, play on ladyplaya. Yet, what I'm hoping is that you, like me, are tired of all these games, and are looking for something real. I have a very low tolerance for bullshit, so if you can be open, honest, and upfront with me, I will be the same with you. That seems fair, right?
So what do I have to offer? Well, for starters, I am talented. I can give a good hard backrub after a long day, I can cook you a delicious meal from the plants I grow in my garden, or prepare a useful home remedy from those same plants. I can listen to your day, I can make you laugh about it, and afterwards I can serenade you with my lovely singing voice. Who wouldn't want that?
Furthermore, I pride myself on my honesty. I think too much goes wrong when people aren't up front about what they want, so I try to be an open book about what I want and need from a potential partner as humanly possible. If you date me, I promise no games, no underlying messages, just what you see is what you get. This also means I'll expect a similar level of honesty from you, but that's a fair tradeoff, don't you think? If you're comfortable communicating openly and you're tired of guys who lie to you, give me a shot. I promise you won't regret it."

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Way too long and makes it sound like even you think a chick would be settling by going out with you. At least sell yourself a little, man, by assuming that there are ladies out there who are not totally out of your league/dating down by going out with you. And a little less leaning on the honesty and openness angle, because too much stress on that can be scary, for the reason that psychos can and will turn every minute perceived inconsistency, or even a changed mind, into a basis for accusations of lying liar slutdom, and those same psychos often put way too much emphasis on I AM HONEST GODDAMMIT AND I EXPECT PERFECT HONESTY FROM YOU TRUST ME I WILL BE EXAMINING EVERYTHING YOU EVER SAY AND GOING THROUGH YOUR PHONE, PURSE, AND EMAILS FOR ANY HINTS OF DISHONESTY, YOU MISLEADING WHORE.

Anyway, a suggested revision:

I'm not going to try to encapsulate everything about me in a profile. I'm a complex person, so doing that would be impossible anyway. Besides, that would take away the fun of getting to know me, right? So instead, I'm going to be up front with what I'm hoping to get out of this site and what I can offer to you, Person Reading This Profile.

So, first and foremost, I want to make it clear that I'm not looking for a one night stand. I've found that I'm one of those guys for whom physical attraction and emotional connection go hand in hand, so it just makes sense for me to focus on getting to know someone before getting down and dirty.

You, being a lovely lady on a dating site, I'm sure you're up to your shapely figure in messages from guys, so why should you take the time to play the slow game? Well, if that's where you're at, then by all means, play on ladyplaya. Yet, what I'm hoping is that you, like me, are looking for something real; someone with whom you can be open, honest, and upfront, and from whom you expect the same. I think too much goes wrong when people aren't up front about what they want, so I try to be an open book about what I want and need from a potential partner. I'm not into games or hidden underlying messages, just what you see is what you get, and that's what I look for in people to enjoy spending time with.

I can give a good hard backrub after a long day, I can cook you a delicious meal from the plants I grow in my garden, or prepare a useful home remedy from those same plants. I can listen to your day, I can make you laugh about it, and afterwards I can serenade you with my lovely singing voice. If that sounds appealing to you, message me, and  maybe you and me let's go do something fun together.

[The Johnny]

I like Nigels edit, its more concise.

The general message conveyed is: im not an unidimensional person, have some basic inaight and self perception, is probably looking for someone long term monogamously, are nurturing, into gardening and some herbolatry.

[Eater of Clowns]

I agree with Nigel's assessment.

I also just fired this thing back up myself. I wasn't going to do the online dating thing but I'm just not meeting new people with any regularity.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/eeyoci

Feedback welcome.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I agree with Nigel's assessment.

I also just fired this thing back up myself. I wasn't going to do the online dating thing but I'm just not meeting new people with any regularity.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/eeyoci

Feedback welcome.

It is perfect, and you are adorable. If you were ten to twenty years older and within a 20-mile radius of me, I would already have messaged you.

So I guess what that tells you is that your profile is very attractive to Nigel-types. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, you'll have to be the judge of that.

[Eater of Clowns]

I agree with Nigel's assessment.

I also just fired this thing back up myself. I wasn't going to do the online dating thing but I'm just not meeting new people with any regularity.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/eeyoci

Feedback welcome.

It is perfect, and you are adorable. If you were ten to twenty years older and within a 20-mile radius of me, I would already have messaged you.

So I guess what that tells you is that your profile is very attractive to Nigel-types. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, you'll have to be the judge of that.

Shucks! 

Thanks, really, and that does sound like a good thing!

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

Thanks Nigel, I like it! I often feel I come off too desperate with bios like this.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

YW!

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

hxxp://www.okcupid.com/profile/boxer4you12

I didn't message him, I didn't look at his profile, I didn't do shit. This is what he dumped in my inbox as the very first interaction.

I'm thinking you and me.. we meet up in the woods and kiss eachother. Just enjoying the warmth of making out eyes closed lip biting with every fourth kiss..Feeling your head tilt back with me kissing your neck inch by inch by inch peck by peck till I'm at your ear..I'll grab your hair and pull your head back while I tease your ear lobe and nibble / suck..telling you "I want you..your skin tastes so great..I'm going to take my big cock and Fuck you over and over till your dripping"

Then I'll let my grip off of your pony tail and stand behind you. I'll push you forcefully to the closest tree. Your hands grasping the trunk. You breathing heavily as I lift your skirt up and smack your ass red.

You'll be enjoying the pain holding tighter against the tree almost hurting your hands. Then I'll rip your blouse off and unstrap your bra so your breasts hang there. You'll try to cover them and push you back to the tree and slap your ass even harder as punishment..

You'll be breathing heavy scared but excited for what's next. This time I'll place my hands against the back of your neck and slide them down your spine softly feeling the softness of your skin..then I'll reach your ass and slide down your thong. With my left hand I'll splice open your pussy and send two fingers deep in you..

Letting you enjoy the feeling as I explore your pussy feeling all inside. You'll feel my right hand in front of your thiegh reaching between your legs and rubbing your clit at the same time. Hands to the tree and moaning with each stroke of my fingers into you. Barely holding on your slip to the tree and I reposition you right away and continue finger fucking you until you shake..your legs barely hold and you cum..

Soaked in cum I pull out my left hand and use the right now in you. Going fast hard and making you moan with each push. My cock is throbbing hard waiting for you and now that you've finished you have a job i pull you too me and my hands soaked in your cum I massage your tits with them getting them wett and tease your nipples..you can't handle it so I pull with two fingers on each one n snap just a little..enough to make you whine because of how good it feels. Your turned around now staring in my eyes we kiss..lips pursed and my cock pushed to your clit. Body's close warmth exhanged and my eyes confident into you.. I lift you up onto me pushed against the tree and suck your left breast..enjoying the taste of your cum on them.. sucking soft then hard leaving hickies all over each one..I'll go to the right one next and as I'm teasing your nipple your head keeps falling back in enjoyment.. I can't stop I need more

Your a very lucky little girl I say to you and you smirk but are scared

I put you back down lay onto the ground and tell you to unzip my jeans..you do as your told then I have you position yourself opposite of me and make you suck me off. I'm staring into your soaked pussy and I can't help myself. It feels so good that your face first all the way onto my Dick and I start licking your clit focusing on the top.

Iicking into your pussy for that sweet cum I love then I spit on it and start sucking your clit just enough pressure to keep suction on it while I slap my tounge left and right on your clit pressing that ball that makes you choke on my cock from the pleasure of getting off

Your so wett and you reach your orgasm.. I'm ready to cum in your mouth but I reach up with my tongue force it into you and rub your clit fast as i taste all of you

So your watching my starving cock throb sucking and licking it. I pull you up with your hair and make you turn to me

Your sitting on my abs and I prop you up letting your pussy lips rest against the tip of my cock... I push you onto me even tho there not fully in.. I pull you up more and let you adjust so I can slide smoothly into you

Slowly letting you pump my cock bouncing on it as it sinks deep into you with each wrench.. then when your going fast ill pull you too me from your waste and start sucking your breasts

I'll grab your hips and force you onto me while my ass in is the air meeting you slamming down on me.. when your fully in ill slide you back into the air and out of me.. ill slam your pussy back onto me and force you closer to me so that your clit splays and rubs against me.. youll whine with the feeling of your clit being pushed back and forth. My cock only moving less than an inch out of you at a time I'll force you to sit fully up hands on my chest while I'm pushing your hips to slide back and forth from my legs sliding your pussy against my skin while it sinks back and forth past your g spot

Getting faster and faster it starts burning your clit like friction from rubing so hard. Then you reach it as your clit is numb and you squeeze my cock so hard as you release that I shove it deeper and cum into you.. I'll put your hand on your clit to rub the rest out as you squeeze my cock hard and I finish inside you

I let you fall on me and we lay there in the woods naked to eachothr skin pressed flat and making out as the warm wind of beach sways into the forrest

Cock still in you the whole time we pass out and wake up hours later inside you...

I need an adult

[Freeky]

Jesus.

[Doktor Howl]

hxxp://www.okcupid.com/profile/boxer4you12

I didn't message him, I didn't look at his profile, I didn't do shit. This is what he dumped in my inbox as the very first interaction.

I'm thinking you and me.. we meet up in the woods and kiss eachother. Just enjoying the warmth of making out eyes closed lip biting with every fourth kiss..Feeling your head tilt back with me kissing your neck inch by inch by inch peck by peck till I'm at your ear..I'll grab your hair and pull your head back while I tease your ear lobe and nibble / suck..telling you "I want you..your skin tastes so great..I'm going to take my big cock and Fuck you over and over till your dripping"

Then I'll let my grip off of your pony tail and stand behind you. I'll push you forcefully to the closest tree. Your hands grasping the trunk. You breathing heavily as I lift your skirt up and smack your ass red.

You'll be enjoying the pain holding tighter against the tree almost hurting your hands. Then I'll rip your blouse off and unstrap your bra so your breasts hang there. You'll try to cover them and push you back to the tree and slap your ass even harder as punishment..

You'll be breathing heavy scared but excited for what's next. This time I'll place my hands against the back of your neck and slide them down your spine softly feeling the softness of your skin..then I'll reach your ass and slide down your thong. With my left hand I'll splice open your pussy and send two fingers deep in you..

Letting you enjoy the feeling as I explore your pussy feeling all inside. You'll feel my right hand in front of your thiegh reaching between your legs and rubbing your clit at the same time. Hands to the tree and moaning with each stroke of my fingers into you. Barely holding on your slip to the tree and I reposition you right away and continue finger fucking you until you shake..your legs barely hold and you cum..

Soaked in cum I pull out my left hand and use the right now in you. Going fast hard and making you moan with each push. My cock is throbbing hard waiting for you and now that you've finished you have a job i pull you too me and my hands soaked in your cum I massage your tits with them getting them wett and tease your nipples..you can't handle it so I pull with two fingers on each one n snap just a little..enough to make you whine because of how good it feels. Your turned around now staring in my eyes we kiss..lips pursed and my cock pushed to your clit. Body's close warmth exhanged and my eyes confident into you.. I lift you up onto me pushed against the tree and suck your left breast..enjoying the taste of your cum on them.. sucking soft then hard leaving hickies all over each one..I'll go to the right one next and as I'm teasing your nipple your head keeps falling back in enjoyment.. I can't stop I need more

Your a very lucky little girl I say to you and you smirk but are scared

I put you back down lay onto the ground and tell you to unzip my jeans..you do as your told then I have you position yourself opposite of me and make you suck me off. I'm staring into your soaked pussy and I can't help myself. It feels so good that your face first all the way onto my Dick and I start licking your clit focusing on the top.

Iicking into your pussy for that sweet cum I love then I spit on it and start sucking your clit just enough pressure to keep suction on it while I slap my tounge left and right on your clit pressing that ball that makes you choke on my cock from the pleasure of getting off

Your so wett and you reach your orgasm.. I'm ready to cum in your mouth but I reach up with my tongue force it into you and rub your clit fast as i taste all of you

So your watching my starving cock throb sucking and licking it. I pull you up with your hair and make you turn to me

Your sitting on my abs and I prop you up letting your pussy lips rest against the tip of my cock... I push you onto me even tho there not fully in.. I pull you up more and let you adjust so I can slide smoothly into you

Slowly letting you pump my cock bouncing on it as it sinks deep into you with each wrench.. then when your going fast ill pull you too me from your waste and start sucking your breasts

I'll grab your hips and force you onto me while my ass in is the air meeting you slamming down on me.. when your fully in ill slide you back into the air and out of me.. ill slam your pussy back onto me and force you closer to me so that your clit splays and rubs against me.. youll whine with the feeling of your clit being pushed back and forth. My cock only moving less than an inch out of you at a time I'll force you to sit fully up hands on my chest while I'm pushing your hips to slide back and forth from my legs sliding your pussy against my skin while it sinks back and forth past your g spot

Getting faster and faster it starts burning your clit like friction from rubing so hard. Then you reach it as your clit is numb and you squeeze my cock so hard as you release that I shove it deeper and cum into you.. I'll put your hand on your clit to rub the rest out as you squeeze my cock hard and I finish inside you

I let you fall on me and we lay there in the woods naked to eachothr skin pressed flat and making out as the warm wind of beach sways into the forrest

Cock still in you the whole time we pass out and wake up hours later inside you...

I need an adult

Can I write the response?

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

probably smarter than finding him and lighting him on fire irl.

[Doktor Howl]

probably smarter than finding him and lighting him on fire irl.

Hot diggity!  I'll get on it when I get home from the gym tonight.

[Ben Shapiro]

hxxp://www.okcupid.com/profile/boxer4you12

I didn't message him, I didn't look at his profile, I didn't do shit. This is what he dumped in my inbox as the very first interaction.

I'm thinking you and me.. we meet up in the woods and kiss eachother. Just enjoying the warmth of making out eyes closed lip biting with every fourth kiss..Feeling your head tilt back with me kissing your neck inch by inch by inch peck by peck till I'm at your ear..I'll grab your hair and pull your head back while I tease your ear lobe and nibble / suck..telling you "I want you..your skin tastes so great..I'm going to take my big cock and Fuck you over and over till your dripping"

Then I'll let my grip off of your pony tail and stand behind you. I'll push you forcefully to the closest tree. Your hands grasping the trunk. You breathing heavily as I lift your skirt up and smack your ass red.

You'll be enjoying the pain holding tighter against the tree almost hurting your hands. Then I'll rip your blouse off and unstrap your bra so your breasts hang there. You'll try to cover them and push you back to the tree and slap your ass even harder as punishment..

You'll be breathing heavy scared but excited for what's next. This time I'll place my hands against the back of your neck and slide them down your spine softly feeling the softness of your skin..then I'll reach your ass and slide down your thong. With my left hand I'll splice open your pussy and send two fingers deep in you..

Letting you enjoy the feeling as I explore your pussy feeling all inside. You'll feel my right hand in front of your thiegh reaching between your legs and rubbing your clit at the same time. Hands to the tree and moaning with each stroke of my fingers into you. Barely holding on your slip to the tree and I reposition you right away and continue finger fucking you until you shake..your legs barely hold and you cum..

Soaked in cum I pull out my left hand and use the right now in you. Going fast hard and making you moan with each push. My cock is throbbing hard waiting for you and now that you've finished you have a job i pull you too me and my hands soaked in your cum I massage your tits with them getting them wett and tease your nipples..you can't handle it so I pull with two fingers on each one n snap just a little..enough to make you whine because of how good it feels. Your turned around now staring in my eyes we kiss..lips pursed and my cock pushed to your clit. Body's close warmth exhanged and my eyes confident into you.. I lift you up onto me pushed against the tree and suck your left breast..enjoying the taste of your cum on them.. sucking soft then hard leaving hickies all over each one..I'll go to the right one next and as I'm teasing your nipple your head keeps falling back in enjoyment.. I can't stop I need more

Your a very lucky little girl I say to you and you smirk but are scared

I put you back down lay onto the ground and tell you to unzip my jeans..you do as your told then I have you position yourself opposite of me and make you suck me off. I'm staring into your soaked pussy and I can't help myself. It feels so good that your face first all the way onto my Dick and I start licking your clit focusing on the top.

Iicking into your pussy for that sweet cum I love then I spit on it and start sucking your clit just enough pressure to keep suction on it while I slap my tounge left and right on your clit pressing that ball that makes you choke on my cock from the pleasure of getting off

Your so wett and you reach your orgasm.. I'm ready to cum in your mouth but I reach up with my tongue force it into you and rub your clit fast as i taste all of you

So your watching my starving cock throb sucking and licking it. I pull you up with your hair and make you turn to me

Your sitting on my abs and I prop you up letting your pussy lips rest against the tip of my cock... I push you onto me even tho there not fully in.. I pull you up more and let you adjust so I can slide smoothly into you

Slowly letting you pump my cock bouncing on it as it sinks deep into you with each wrench.. then when your going fast ill pull you too me from your waste and start sucking your breasts

I'll grab your hips and force you onto me while my ass in is the air meeting you slamming down on me.. when your fully in ill slide you back into the air and out of me.. ill slam your pussy back onto me and force you closer to me so that your clit splays and rubs against me.. youll whine with the feeling of your clit being pushed back and forth. My cock only moving less than an inch out of you at a time I'll force you to sit fully up hands on my chest while I'm pushing your hips to slide back and forth from my legs sliding your pussy against my skin while it sinks back and forth past your g spot

Getting faster and faster it starts burning your clit like friction from rubing so hard. Then you reach it as your clit is numb and you squeeze my cock so hard as you release that I shove it deeper and cum into you.. I'll put your hand on your clit to rub the rest out as you squeeze my cock hard and I finish inside you

I let you fall on me and we lay there in the woods naked to eachothr skin pressed flat and making out as the warm wind of beach sways into the forrest

Cock still in you the whole time we pass out and wake up hours later inside you...

I need an adult

Can we guess how small his dick is?

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

That would just be rude to the smalldick community.