OK Cupid: Round IVXXXIX

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Looks like OKC is going to be losing this one http://www.policeone.com/bizarre/articles/6737528-Police-on-lookout-for-Swiss-cheese-serial-masturbator/

[Left]

Looks like OKC is going to be losing this one http://www.policeone.com/bizarre/articles/6737528-Police-on-lookout-for-Swiss-cheese-serial-masturbator/

The man identified by the magazine, along with several of his relatives, could not be reached for comment yesterday, 

...Why they will never mention cheese at family functions again...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Wow, that's a new one on me!

Funny but true, its never occurred to me to report any of the guys who sent me unsolicited pictures of their junk to the police.

[Junkenstein]

Well that has all the makings of the identity parade of the future

"So Ma'am, can you identifying the offending penis?"

[LMNO]

Well that has all the makings of the identity parade of the future

"So Ma'am, can you identifying the offending penis?"

Already happened.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

They got him.
Looks a little like ol' Rush.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Presented without edits or comment.

Mothers_Warning: Great photos and wonderful profile except that the very first sentence implies that you have some sort of knowledge of other people's complex situations that puts you in a position to judge them. Why is that such a strong instinct for you - judging people you don't know and who's circumstances you have no way of comprehending?

I'm just curious. I know that New England is notoriously small-minded and puritanical to it's core but that streak seems to be exceptionally strong among the openly polyamorous. I don't understand why people who find happiness in polyamory find it necessary to judge others in order to be happy.

Seems like there is a Beatles lyric in there somewhere.

Me: I had several men message me with the expectation that I would engage in a romantic relationship with them without their wives' knowledge or permission. That's cheating, and I refuse to be party to it. I have plenty of poly and open friends.

Mothers_Warning: Expectation of anything is wrong and I'm sorry you have recieved those unwanted advances. I would never do that.

I'm also sorry for reacting so strongly but your opening statement is a slap in the face to anyone who has been in a sexless marriage for years (as have I) but refuse to leave our spouses and are doing everything we can to keep our families together without succumbing to the inevitable physiological slide that happens when one has become celibate but is sleeping next to a woman he loves or a man she adores. I have male and female friends in that situation and you haven't walked in their shoes.

I have all sorts of people writing me wanting all kinds of things that I don't want any part of. I don't insult the way they live their lives.

I think Dossie Easton has done polyamory much harm with her judgmental nonsense and I hear that in your dismissive statement.

Sorry for calling you out. I actually am a nice person who is trying to do the best thing for everyone involved and your opening line ripped me.

- Sean

Me: You think that creating an alternative solution to sexless relationships wherein people are openly communicating is harmful?

Mothers_Warning: No. Quite the opposite. Polyamory is the most evolved and wonderful option and, were I getting married again I wouldn't consider a closed marriage.

I just don't think that the fact that someone has had the courage, and good fortune (in the form of an open-minded spouse) to develop a polyamorous relationship is a reason to disparage those who have not.

I think it's great that you have found happiness and I wish you the very best. I just wish your wonderful profile didn't open with an attack on people like me who cannot (for reasons that I could explain but won't) arrive at an arrangement that is as wonderful as yours.

"I won't date someone who's spouse doesn't know" is perfectly legit and is kind. "I AM NOT HERE TO HELP YOU CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE" is unnecessarily harsh, insulting and implies that you understand something about other people's marriages which you absolutely do not. Nobody does.

Me: Are you cheating on your wife?

Mothers_Warning: I don't believe that cheating is a verb that should ever be applied to marriage. Your marriage, mine or anyone else's for that matter.

I already told you that I'm not going into reasons for making the choices I have made since I'm not here to defend anything to you. You just seemed like a nice person who was parroting something really stupid and hurtful. If they are your own actual thoughts and you want to stand by them I'll leave you alone. I'm not here to police the internet - it's just that I've said stupid things in the past and been glad when people suggested that I re-think them.

Me: Ah, so this is a truth hurts moment. Gotcha.

Mothers_Warning: Not at all. This is a "why do people feel the need to be dicks?" moment.
Done trying to make you better. Complete waste of bytes.

Me: Good luck cuckolding the missus!

Mothers_Warning: Again. You might or might not have two synapses to rub together but the value of the signals they might generate is questionable.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

WHAT A PEACH!

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

Ugh.

I can conceive of scenarios in which this dude is not wrong. Very rare and very extreme. But it's that extreme part that would make the line "I'm not here to help you cheat on your wife" burn a hole through what would already be a pretty imperiled heart.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Ugh.

I can conceive of scenarios in which this dude is not wrong. Very rare and very extreme. But it's that extreme part that would make the line "I'm not here to help you cheat on your wife" burn a hole through what would already be a pretty imperiled heart.

I would really love to hear a version of reality where people are wrong for calling cheating cheating.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Ugh.

I can conceive of scenarios in which this dude is not wrong. Very rare and very extreme. But it's that extreme part that would make the line "I'm not here to help you cheat on your wife" burn a hole through what would already be a pretty imperiled heart.

I usually have a pretty vivid imagination, but it's failing me in this case.

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

Ugh.

I can conceive of scenarios in which this dude is not wrong. Very rare and very extreme. But it's that extreme part that would make the line "I'm not here to help you cheat on your wife" burn a hole through what would already be a pretty imperiled heart.

I would really love to hear a version of reality where people are wrong for calling cheating cheating.

Spend enough time on Tumblr and i guarantee you'll find one.

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

oh also, i had an honest question for the thread. I have had this profile on OKC for years now, with minimal success (few real dates, and even fewer message responses) I haven't really updated it in a while and i was wondering if i should just tweak the stuff thats changed in the meantime(for instance, I've now got my BA and am no longer a student) or start over from scratch. I've got a rough draft for a new profile, but first i'd like to know what you guys think. here it is:

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Chelagoras

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Ugh.

I can conceive of scenarios in which this dude is not wrong. Very rare and very extreme. But it's that extreme part that would make the line "I'm not here to help you cheat on your wife" burn a hole through what would already be a pretty imperiled heart.

I would really love to hear a version of reality where people are wrong for calling cheating cheating.

Yeah, I can't. And I play pretty fast and loose, if you know what I mean.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

oh also, i had an honest question for the thread. I have had this profile on OKC for years now, with minimal success (few real dates, and even fewer message responses) I haven't really updated it in a while and i was wondering if i should just tweak the stuff thats changed in the meantime(for instance, I've now got my BA and am no longer a student) or start over from scratch. I've got a rough draft for a new profile, but first i'd like to know what you guys think. here it is:

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Chelagoras

Quick thoughts:

Remove the part where you say you're in the process of revising. Everyone is, all the time, and it makes your reader wonder what important things you  haven't included, such as a marriage.

Change your age parameters to include as many years up as you do down. This might just be me, but when I was in your age bracket, when I saw a guy a couple years older than me who is willing to date like six years below his age but only two years over, I dismissed him as a shallow fuck who would probably find me too old anyway.

Get rid of "I know, everyone's a psych major, but I'm serious about mine" unless you are specifically seeking to alienate other psych majors.

Get rid of "look us up!" because condescending.