Messages

In Russia

How apropos.

Fun fact, Robocop was called Robocop because he was both robot and cop.

It's never going to be over.

Do you ever stop and think that you've been secretly dead ever since, and this is your personal hell?

Nothing I'm about to say will ever live up to that title. You can have it.

I've been sick. Coughing up a fit since getting back from Florida. Every single day, I thought I was done for. This virus likes a certain receptor that is found mostly in the lungs, but apparently in the heart. That's why people just drop dead.

I started feeling better, and what is the first thing I did? I got drunk.

And now I'm sort of coming out of the stupor, and I'm having shooting pains in my chest.

Ironic?

I guess I'll give the emergency line another call tomorrow if it persists. In the meantime, fuck it. But at least I documented it on this Internet backwater for zero purpose.

The only gin I can tolerate is the cheap stuff, which doesn't taste like gin at all. In fact, the only reason I ever buy it is because it's literally the cheapest thing you can buy in a liquor store. It's basically just pure alcohol labelled as gin.

Real gin sucks shit. It tastes like being fucked by George Bush. Either of them.

I can hear Gilbert Gottfried again.

IF ANYONE HERE HAS ANY PROOF THAT BOB SAGET RAPED AND MURDERED A GIRL IN 1992 PLEASE GO TO THE POLICE

The quarantine is mostly normal life for me. When I work, it's sporadic; I make a lot of money all at once instead of having a wage and regular hours. So I wind up spending weeks, months, being at home and doing whatever.

It does lead to madness; I'm mad. I'm fucking insane. But I'm starting to become comfortable with it, to the point where I've finally started to think that seeing a therapist would be a very good idea. I have personal and existential issues I'm pretty sure most psychiatrists aren't prepared to handle.

A guy goes to a talent agent. He says, "I've got the greatest show you've never seen. I get up on stage and I evict the black half of the audience. I parade in twelve women and rape four of them. I marry three. Then I rape them, too. I have kids with all of them, and the one daughter that pops out, I develop a strange sexual tension with. I don't actually have sex with her, I just sort of silently insinuate that I might be thinking about it, which is in some ways worse than actually having sex with her. I get millions of dollars from Russia for no reason, but I'm so stupid that I actually put it on my tax forms, which I then set fire to. I start loudly complaining about Mexicans. I become president, and I do literally everything I can to not just fuck shit up, but to get away with it, too. Then Mitch McConnell comes out and starts fellating me."


The talent agent says, "Fantastic! What's the name of that act?"

I guess maybe it's weird to run on supreme court issues which the president only influences indirectly,
but I'm kinda surprised Biden isn't framing this election as absolutely critical for women's rights, trans rights, separation of church & state, and the death penalty.

I also think it's a big missed-opportunity to not seize on Trump's constitutional violations and frame Biden as rescuing the constitution. There's a lot of right-wing jacking off about the constitution, and that's a crowd that's been uncomfortable with some of Trump's moves. With the right language, one could reactivate their memory of giving-a-shit about these things.

Biden is more concerned with the Malarkey quotient.

GIVE HIM A BREAK MAAAAAN

Could be because he doesn't really want to win.

It's still April.

And we're mired in a pandemic.

Fucking Christ, I'm actually defending Biden.

I'm glad we all finally have something in common. I'm just sorry that this is for real.

Whichever Mad Max movie it was where they guy says "No matter where you go, there you are."

I hate that guy.


I still hate him even though I haven't seen whichever movie that was in probably 30 years.

Shut up and die, that guy.

Let's talk about your uncle.

If you see other people as an obstruction and not the goal, then you're doing it wrong.

Hail Eris.