Why I'm excited for the ROBOT REVOLUTION

[Cramulus]

Why I'm excited for the R0B0T REV0LUTI0N
by Professor Cramulus

Alright, we all know that when the shit hits the fan, humanity's back is going to be up against the wall. But the thing is that the robot revolution is going to be real sexy. We'll WANT to submit to them. Rawr!

Your robot girlfriend will be anything you want and more. You can customize her appearance to match your taste, whether you want a swedish bikini model or a tentacular hentai zombie!

She'll have personality packs you can install. You can configure her to act and talk like a naughty schoolgirl, a naughty dominatrix, a naughty UN Ambassador, or even a naughty nurse!

Robotic girlfriends are superior to meat-based ones in every way. They'll never nag you about anything, they'll never cheat on you, and they'll never leave you.

All the vestigial systems which come standard on a meat-based girlfriend have been removed in the robotic model, such as periods, aging, and orgasms.

A variety of protein pills will be available. By changing her "diet" you can change her build or hair color. You can sculpt her from slim and trim to pleasantly plump and back to the undernourished waif setting in a short three week diet cycle. These cycles take months, if not years in the outdated human models. and unlike humans, robots do not get stuck in one setting.

Your robot girlfriend's nipples will be dials. One will be a volume control, the other an AM/FM tuner

Your robot girlfriend will have a keg in her stomach cavity. She'll secrete delicious beer through her tongue, tears, and hoo-hoo. Most people have wanted a girl to pee on them, but don't like human urine. Now you can have Heineken urinated into your eager mouth!

You don't have to be insecure in any way around your robot girlfriend. Robots can be programmed to think your penis is gigantic, even if her records obviously indicate otherwise.

My robot girlfriend is going to have a wireless modem which receives live feeds from cameras placed around the room. She'll take in all camera streams and instantly edit them into high quality porn footage. Her eyes are functional video projectors, so she can project the porn onto the wall as you rail her from behind.

When not in use, her butt unit will stream funky porn music.

Holy shit my robot girlfriend is going to have rockets on her feet so we can fly around as I pork her over and over again.

Hate condoms? Worried about getting your robot girlfriend pregnant? Scientists have developed a birth control patch with 80% efficacy!

See, the Robot Revolution is the sexiest thing to happen to mankind. With options like these available, no one will want to date a smelly girl. When given a choice, they'll pick the stainless steel fembot every time.

"Check out the nodes on that robo-ho!"

For humanity, the end will come not with a bang, but with a moan of ecstasy

So presented with these facts, I must ask...

[LMNO]

Needs more dark satire.  Right now, it's simply faux-mysogynist.  Take it to the extreme.

[Cramulus]

okay not everything needs to be dark satire

I'm just expressing my fantastic vision of the robot future

[P3nT4gR4m]

No problem with the mysogeny (I'm a man ffs!) but I do agree with LMNO that it could be taken a lot further. I feel you owe it to the rest of the class to do so Prof!

Suggestion - What else is going on whilst you're stuck in a 24/7 cyber orgasm? Bring it full circle - what were you discussing at the start?

[LMNO]

I wasn't trying to say that the misogyny was a bad thing, in this context, I just thought I could go more over the top.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I wasn't trying to say that the misogyny was a bad thing, in this context, I just thought I could go more over the top.

I dare you.

No... goddamnit ... I double dare you!

[LMNO]

I don't have the time, but if I did, it would be something very tech-writer-ish, like the manual to your robo-ho, or a corporate report on marketing tests.

Very clinical, very pro-robot, very anti-female.

[Cramulus]

while we're getting it on she could be killing terrorists with LASERS.


or maybe her nipples can actually cut glass!
In addition to glass, her nipples can cut solid titanium.



my robot girlfriend is going to have a rotating vagina, so no hip motion is necessary

when warmed up, the vagina spins at up to 70 rpm 170 RPM!


you can get a scrolling LED marquee installed on her lower back which will give you stock quotes


you can install personality packs which mimic teachers, celebrities, even dead people. Ever wanted to nail Martha Washington? I sure have!


in a pinch, your robot girlfriend can jump start your car. With her mouth.


in a pinch your robot girlfriend can jump start your peen. With her spark plugs.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

have they, in this new model, finally defeated the Gag Reflex bug so prevalent in human models?

[Cramulus]

of course! anything you can imagine!

some models, for example, will come with poontangs grafted to the back of their throats

[P3nT4gR4m]

I'd have posted this an hour ago if I hadn't got carried away shopping a pic of Jenna with clothes on.

Yup ... prioritise life acquisition ... I'm on it

[Cramulus]

yes, YES

[Cramulus]

[Cramulus]

sorry guys, boredom at work has apparently transmogrified me into a robosexual wango tango meme machine.

[AFK]

What do you do again for work?