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There ain't no cure for the summertime blues.

Started by Cardinal Pizza Deliverance., May 29, 2013, 09:26:26 PM

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Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

When she dreams, everything is peaceful. There is a forest of tall, tall trees filtering the sun into manageable streams. Taming it. A wealth of flowers, every shape and color and scent, fill the places between trees and bushes and the pathway. Birds sing and streams babble as they meander. It is beautiful and peaceful. Cleansing.

She knows she is about to wake when the path beneath her feet melts from loam, fallen leaves, and moss. It ripples and crackles. It hardens into something abrasive. It tears her feet apart.

The forest melts away with a muffled shriek.

She's back. Again. Here.

The sunlight falls full and heavy and smug. It burns and glares as it exposes every flaw, ever dark spot on her soul. It leaves no shadow or shade. It burns the forest from her heart.

Then the man comes with his belt and his shouts. His slaps and his clenched fists. Other things. The hours he is with her are long and while the pain never ceases, only increases, time itself blurs until she can't tell one slur from another. Each blow is the same, only more painful. Each insult is the same, only louder. It goes on forever.

Because she deserves it. But she knows she doesn't. No one does. Not even him. If the tables were turned . . .

Endless.

All she has are her thoughts. Those can't be taken from her. Only interrupted sometimes. And she wonders what she did. Why she is being so punished.

Then she realizes she's not. He is. This is his hell and she is not bound.

The dead girl stands, startling the man. He knocks her down but she stands again.

"It's okay," she says. "Or it would be, if you would let it." And walks through him as if he isn't there.

Leaving the wall and the window. Leaving the man.

She walks away and doesn't look back.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Q. G. Pennyworth


Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

The other girl felt a ripple. For a second all the colors were real. Then they weren't, again. But the textures of trees and grass were wrong now. More like paper. Less like living plants. Less like something real. She turned and ran.

Smack into the house that had the room where awful things happened.

The dead girl was waiting for her, in the doorway.

"You moved," the other girl whispered.

"I did," the dead girl replied solemnly.

"I think something is happening. Nothing is as real as it was . . . before."

"Come outside with me," the dead girl said. "Please. I don't want to go alone."

The other girl took her hand and led the way.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

The drowning boy peered through the inches of water between his up-turned face and the surface of his river. Lazy bubbles, always almost the very last of his air, slipped from between his lips and wobbled upwards. They crossed those few inches and burst free, as he never would.

His eyes and lungs burned. But they always did. His heart felt as if it were going to burst. It always did. His limbs were leaden, heavy. Weighted, as he tried to rise up and the river tried to pull him down. Stalemate. Always stalemate.

He sighed, releasing more air. Panic flooded his system, adrenaline lighting his nerves on fire. But what did it matter? He was frozen on life's cliff, dangling by a single fingertip. It would be easy to get go. It would be easy to be free. To rise up. If he could figure out how.

But the passing of the seasons, the turning of the tide. The screaming woman.

Nothing made any change to his environment. There was nothing to do but wait, struggle, and daydream.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

The nightmares started early this year. Didn't even make it to April. Woo.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

The Good Reverend Roger

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

I usually know when I'm dreaming. I have the option of trying to change the dream or just waking myself up. Sometimes I'm either completely sucked in or I'm aware and can't change anything. Those dreams tend to suck extra hard.

Potential Trigger Warning.

.*.*.*.*.

It starts out a good dream. I'm under a tree in the rain. It's quiet and smells fresh. In my dreams I can smell things. Air and rain and trees and dirt. Good stuff. It's quite and peaceful and I think to myself I might actually sleep six or seven hours straight for a change and settle into the soft pine needles to enjoy the ambiance.

Then there's a jolt like I've been hit with a truck and a grinding thunderclap pig getting its throat slit squeal that almost wakes me up except I'm stuck. Fuck this shit already.

By the time I sort out the panic and disorientation the dream has changed and I'm eight years old wearing a white dress with a bow at the waist with white socks and shiny black girly shoes and my hair is down.

I have never dressed like this, not even when my mom used me as her own fucking dress up dolly. I was also never in this church basement as an eight year old. Fuck. My hair being down is starting to worry me, more than the clothes.

There are a bunch of other little girls dressed similarly and some boys in the equivalent. We're all on splintery wooden pews with our hands clasped and our heads bowed and we can't move. T is to my left, between me and the tiny window that I can't turn my head to see properly. D, T's slightly younger sister is on the pew behind us.

Some lady I can't look up to identify is walking back and forth across the uneven cement floor in clicky stiletto heels. The noise her shoes make echo in the room except when a heel hits one of the drains that are evenly spaced down the center of the slanted floor in a row from the front of the room to the back. Then her heels make a different noise. A dripping, slithering noise.

For a second I think we're going to get torn apart by Nessies, which would be a dramatic improvement over what normally happens in this basement.

Then the lady calls a halt to our 'precious prayers' so we can hear the sermon. We can move our heads but that's it. We all look up as the door to the room opens and our fathers walk in the room. I can hear T's breath getting faster and faster and behind me, I can hear D wetting herself. I consider doing the same.

The priest enters last, wearing his robes and a beautific smile. He closes the door and the lights go out. Someone screams and a big, sweaty hand wraps around my face, cutting off my air and smashing my nose and mouth in to my skull, squeezing so hard my jaw pops out of socket and strands of hair by my face are pulled from my scalp.

.*.*.*.*.*.

After that I don't remember anything but I woke up on the floor. So yay.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

The Good Reverend Roger

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

LMNO


hooplala

"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

The sun is so blinding bright it's blistering the blue, blue sky like taking a lit match to film. I'm laying on my back on a pile of dirt and rocks, staring straight up at it, watching the sky being eaten away by rage-filled fire.

Two pairs of dusty black boots appear in my peripheral vision, one on each side. "Fuck," I mutter.

Two hands reach down and grab mine, yanking me to my feet so fast I almost fall over again and the world spins. My hands are pinned and they're pulling my arms tight enough to make my shoulders scream.

"It's your fault the sky got eaten," Ex-friend #1 says. He's on the right. Taller, balder. His nose broken one more time. All the scar tissue from the shrapnel he took in the face standing out like it's outlined in neon. He's half hunched over and one shoulder is crunched up but he's still taller than me. All the damage he took over-seas is magnified and fresh.

"What the fuck did you do?" Ex-friend #2 demands. On the left, he's the shortest of us. Whip lean and almost delicate looking until he makes eye contact and all that anger and crazy spills out. His shirt is slowly turning red over the places he was shot. But there are no holes in his clothes.

"I didn't do anything but wake up here." I reply, yanking my hands free. #1 lets go, which breaks my heart even though I was pulling away anyway. #2 breaks my fingers and doesn't let go.

"That's all it takes," #1 says, glaring at me and then the sky.

Then they're both on fire. #2 screams and screams but #1 just chuckles dryly and collapses into a pile of ash.

"You ruin everything you touch," someone says, from behind me.

I start running. Everything behind me catches on fire except the voice, who repeats his message every few footfalls. I run a few miles and trip on a knobby tree root. Face-first in the dirt, I'm smashed into the earth and then my back is burning up, my flesh melting and running off my bones. I can feel my spine and ribs creak and turn black as the marrow bubbles out.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

Curled up in the fetal position, one arm already broken, up to ward off blows. One wrapped around my head as I'm kicked and pummeled from all sides for what feels like forever.

I don't realize the attack is over until the concrete I'm curled up on melts into sand and the scalding particles grind into various cuts and bruises. I start screaming and flop like a fish trying to find a position that doesn't hurt. I can't open my eyes, they're crusted shut. One arm is broken and I can't feel my hand. All the fingers are crushed on the other hand and . . . there's just no good way to get upright. I flop over some more and bake in the sun.

My blood sizzles as the sun and sand soak it up. Bugs skitter over me, some getting stuck in the injuries and struggling to get free, biting or stinging me in the process.

Eventually footsteps approach and sand is kicked into my face, dislodging the crust over my eyes. Before I can open them, someone says "Get off your ass and clean up this fucking mess before I kick your god damn ass and give you something to cry about."

Then I hear the sound of leather clearing belt loops.

.....

Woke up before I could start screaming.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.