Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 13, 2013, 03:52:37 AM
I'll tell you whose chocolate balls contain alcohol.
ECH's?
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Show posts MenuQuote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 13, 2013, 03:52:37 AM
I'll tell you whose chocolate balls contain alcohol.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 12, 2013, 10:47:46 PMQuote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 12, 2013, 10:25:05 PMQuote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 12, 2013, 10:13:03 PM
OH MY GOD POST OFFICE ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON
I hear ya.
Well, they're all out now, except Waffles. I'm gonna do a separate batch of seriously shelf-stable ones for him.
Everyone who's getting cookies: I cannot guarantee that everything makes it there not stale or broken, in fact I'm pretty sure a bunch of things are going to break in transit. As long as nothing gets lost in the postal system, nothing will have the chance to go seriously bad, and the mix of baked goods should keep everything at close to the optimal moisture levels. The chocolate balls contain alcohol as a preservative, do not feed them to small children.
Quote from: Alty on April 12, 2013, 09:25:39 PM
If I found out someone was cheating on me through nefarious ways I wouldnt actually taunt them, I'd just end it
Jesus.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 12, 2013, 08:59:43 PM
I didn't know that he was inviting strange men from Craigslist to my house. I didn't know WHAT was going on. All I knew was that things weren't right, on some massive level that I couldn't comprehend. I mean, there were little things... like, what is this washcloth doing in his car? Why does he want me to go out for the evening, and why does he care so much about when I'll be back? Why does he keep leaving at odd times? Why is he acting so strange?
But there was nothing that really "justified" me looking at his email, other than my inner sense that something was horribly awry.
I'm just saying that yeah, it's not always a black-and-white situation.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 12, 2013, 08:56:01 PM
WHO'S GOT TWO THUMBS AND TWELVE BOXES FULL OF COOKIES FOR THE POST OFFICE?
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 12, 2013, 08:41:13 PMQuote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 12, 2013, 06:01:18 PMQuote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 12, 2013, 05:58:58 PM
ECH, not that I think poorly of you, but it must be asked, if only to be put aside:
ARE you cheating?
Doesn't really have much relevance, for the same reason we (supposedly) require warrants for searches in a legal sense. The ends do not justify the means; the result does not justify the bad act.
I'm gonna debate that. I was at my wits end, going completely crazy, and had asked my husband over and over again what on earth was going on because everything felt JUST NOT RIGHT and he kept telling me that there was nothing. I finally lost it and looked at his email, and discovered that he was not only cheating, but that it had been going on for a while and that he was hooking up with people off Craigslist on a regular basis, sometimes in our house while I was gone, with the kids asleep in the house. Not only total strangers, but a risk to me and my kids.
Do the ends justify the means? I think that question doesn't even apply in a situation that messy, with lives that intertwined and with that many levels of shit going on. If I'd found nothing, I would have confessed and we would have ended up in counseling either way because shit was falling apart. It had to be bad for me to go to that kind of extreme.
On the other hand, snooping a boyfriend or girlfriend's phone because you "feel insecure" is just wrong, and I don't think it's a habit that can easily be trained out of someone. If they do it once, on some level they feel like their insecurity trumps your privacy, and that means they'll keep on doing it, and it will probably get worse.
Having lived with someone who would do shit like search my backpack when I wasn't looking, I am very sensitive to it. But I don't think that it's as simple to dismiss as "the end justifying the means" because in some cases, by the time a scrupulous person gets to that point, especially in a committed long-term partnership, something is very very wrong.
QuoteNot only total strangers, but a risk to me and my kids.is the delineating factor. And:
QuoteIt had to be bad for me to go to that kind of extreme.Sounds like a good rule of thumb.
Quote from: Alty on April 12, 2013, 07:23:41 PM
If you are cheating, actually are cheating, and your other finds out you have bigger things to worry about beyond the snooping because you've already betrayed the other person.
If I DID snoop, which I wouldn't, and I found out some bad shit I would feel no remorse. Because they were a bigger asshole.
That's not the same as The Ends Justify The Means, it means You Cheated You Motherfucker, La La I can't hear you.
At that point its not about justification, its about a broken heart. The damage is done.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 12, 2013, 06:01:18 PMQuote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 12, 2013, 05:58:58 PM
ECH, not that I think poorly of you, but it must be asked, if only to be put aside:
ARE you cheating?
Doesn't really have much relevance, for the same reason we (supposedly) require warrants for searches in a legal sense. The ends do not justify the means; the result does not justify the bad act.
Quote from: Alty on April 12, 2013, 05:13:31 PM
I hate snoopers. They generally are repeat offenders, and depending on how AWESOME the person is, I guess I would allow it to happen twice before dropping them. Once is a fuckup, twice is a pattern.
Dan Savage says snooping is acceptable so long as what's found outweighs the crime of snooping. So, rarely ever. I just think trust is important, if you can't trust the one you're with enough to leave their damned phone alone, why torture yourself staying with them?
Quote from: Balls Wellington on April 12, 2013, 09:26:08 AM
OK, PD, I need a head-check.
ECHGF 2.0 snooped my phone. Now, I haven't been hiding anything from her or doing anything I wouldn't want her to know about. There's no reason for her to have any suspicions that would even come CLOSE to justifying that sort of thing, if indeed anything ever justifies that sort of thing. Her stated reason for feeling suspicious and insecure enough to snoop my phone is that I'm still friends with my ex-GF and talk to her alot, which is true depending on your definition of "alot", in that we exchange texts a few times a week. I have never kept that hidden or a secret. I explained to her right from the start that if I liked someone enough to spend 7 years with them, even if things didn't work out romantically I'm still going to want to be friends with that person. None of our conversations veer into anything inappropriate or threatening to my current relationship. Not to mention that my ex lives 200 miles away. I've seen her once in the last 7 months, when I stopped by to pick up a load of my stuff.
Now, with regards to the current GF, this is the first time she's ever done anything that's actually UPSET me (not talking about normal everyday annoyances) and the first time she's ever shown any hint of maybe having a touch of the crazy. She is, by and large, a very sweet and intelligent woman who makes me laugh alot and enjoys enough of the things I enjoy that we don't drive each other nuts with our quirks.
And yet....SHE SNOOPED MY MOTHERFUCKING PHONE. THAT IS NOT EVEN A TINY BIT OK. And trusting people is very difficult for me and being able to trust someone is pretty much my number one prerequisite for wanting to be in a serious romantic relationship with them. So I ask you, PD, if I decide that this is a deal-breaker for me, am I overreacting?
This may be a deal-breaker for me.