News:

PD.com: our ability to recall your stupidity makes elephants look like Alzheimer's patients.

Main Menu

PI with Malice Aforethought: Tucson Edition

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, December 02, 2013, 03:43:07 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
User actions

The Good Reverend Roger

#45
December 04, 2013, 04:46:38 PM
Part 4

As we approached the bar, Jimmy was walking along the roadside, just off the curb.  As he neared a storm drain, I said, "Keep away from the drain, jackass."

"What?  Why?"

"Because this is the legal district.  The Grabby Girls will have your ass."

"What, they live in the sewers?"

"Well, that's just it.  We don't know.  They strike and they disappear, and nobody sees them come and go.  And they always catch their victims by surprise.  The only thing that makes sense is the sewer."

Jimmy gave me a dubious look, but got back up on the curb.

We arrived at the club.  There was no line, it was still a little early for that, so we went in.  Crazy Steve stood behind the bar, turning pale as he saw me.  Holy shit.

"Steve.  I haven't seen you for 8 years.  What the hell are you doing here in Tucson?"

"I don't know, man.  Last month, I was up in Morenci moving a bale of pot, then suddenly I'm here."

"Well, life can be that way.  Set up 10 whiskeys.  Bourbon.  The cheap shit."

"Done and done."

"Man gets thirsty walking over from Drachmann."

"You WALKED?  Are you nuts or something?  No, wait, forget I said that.  Of course you're nuts.  How did you get here in one piece?"

"Just lucky, I guess."

I took the drinks out to the table the girls had chosen, out by where some guy was setting up sound equipment.  Great.  Another shitty band to fuck up our evening...But the girls looked eager.  They were leaning towards the guy with an expectant look on their faces.

"You are of course aware that, this being Tucson, this guy is going to suck ass", I mentioned.

"Yep", Heather said.

"Of course", Jenn added.

"Counting on it", Missy concluded.

Oh, dear.  I buried my face in my whiskey glass, as the poor unsuspecting bastard pulled out a ukelele and began to play some fucked up faux-folk song on it.  I winced at the poor performance, and while I was doing so, it stopped.  I looked up, and the guy was gone.  So where the ladies.  Jimmy was looking around, bewildered.

"SHIT!", I hollered, "The fucking Grabby Girls snagged the ladies!"

We both jumped up, and ran for the front door of the bar, trying to catch a glimpse of anyone or anything running off with the ladies.  There was nothing out front.  We headed back in...And there they were, sitting right where they were before their disappearance.

"What the hell is wrong with YOU two?", Jenn asked, "You just got up and ran like your ass was on fire."

"Um.  Nothing", I said.

"We thought we saw something", Jimmy added.

I picked up my drink again, and had finished half of it, when I noticed that the musician was still missing.

To be continued.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#46
December 04, 2013, 04:48:52 PM
I have all day meetings tomorrow and the next day, so I thought I'd try to finish this today or tonight.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#47
December 04, 2013, 04:49:31 PM
OH HO HO!

The Good Reverend Roger

#48
December 04, 2013, 04:52:25 PM
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#49
December 04, 2013, 05:01:24 PM
Part 5

As the night went on, the bar got emptier and emptier.  At one point, I went in to get drinks, and Steve was gone.  I hopped over the bar and fixed the drinks, then walked back out.

The patio was empty, except for me.

I sat down and started on the drinks.   I was mostly done with them, when the police cruisers started screeching into the parking lot.

And that's where you guys came in.

Morris looked disgusted.  "This piece of shit is just making this all up.  We have a senator's son and daughter-in-law missing from that bar.  Enough is enough, I'm taking custody of the prisoner."

The police detective sighed, pulled out his pistol, and calmly shot Agent Morris in the face.  Blood and brains spattered all over the wall.

"Thanks, Jimmy", I said, "That guy was an asshole."

"Yeah, and we're late."  He led me to the next interrogation room over, where there were two dresses and two pairs of roller skates.  "Let's hurry up, though...The girls are waiting."

I stripped and put the dress and skates on as fast as I could. 

After all, it was Girl's Night Out.

End
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#50
December 04, 2013, 05:11:17 PM
 :lulz:

Fantastic!


Didn't see that one coming.



Of course, now I have the mental image of Roger in a dress and roller skates.

The Good Reverend Roger

#51
December 04, 2013, 05:12:24 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 04, 2013, 05:11:17 PM
Of course, now I have the mental image of Roger in a dress and roller skates.

Show me the way to the last whiskey bar...
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#52
December 04, 2013, 05:16:10 PM
 :eek: That was fucking fantastic. And weird as fuck.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

The Good Reverend Roger

#53
December 04, 2013, 05:16:48 PM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 04, 2013, 05:16:10 PM
:eek: That was fucking fantastic. And weird as fuck.

Thanks.

Chapter 3 was my favorite.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#54
December 04, 2013, 05:49:00 PM
That. Was. Awesome. O.O It felt like I was peering into the Twilight Zone only to find out it was sneaking tendrils into my brain.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

The Good Reverend Roger

#55
December 04, 2013, 05:50:10 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on December 04, 2013, 05:49:00 PM
That. Was. Awesome. O.O It felt like I was peering into the Twilight Zone only to find out it was sneaking tendrils into my brain.

Thanks.

Alty is next.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Anna Mae Bollocks

#56
December 04, 2013, 06:13:12 PM
 :eek: :eek: :eek:

BRAVO
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

#57
December 04, 2013, 06:14:59 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 04, 2013, 05:50:10 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on December 04, 2013, 05:49:00 PM
That. Was. Awesome. O.O It felt like I was peering into the Twilight Zone only to find out it was sneaking tendrils into my brain.

Thanks.

Alty is next.

Your writing is mighty. It fills me with dread and wonder.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Sister_Gothique

#58
December 04, 2013, 06:39:02 PM
That was awesome, Rog.
I'm the new "God's Will"...Soon it'll be, "Oh, I can't be held accountable for THAT, Sister Gothique made me do it!"

The Good Reverend Roger

#59
December 04, 2013, 06:41:13 PM
Quote from: Sister_Gothique on December 04, 2013, 06:39:02 PM
That was awesome, Rog.

Thanks.   :)

We should arrange for Missy to read it.

Because you know who was in the trunk.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
Print
Go Up Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
User actions