OPEN BAR: 50 Shades of Chronic Liver Disease

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

My hospital just called to tell me that the antibiotics are going to fuck with the effectiveness of my birth control. 

*sings*
"it's getting better...all the tiiiiiime!"

Hold on. You didn't already know this?
It's in the instructions that come with your birth control, and usually somewhere in the thing that comes with your antibiotics.
Do never sex on pill alone with antibiotics!
This is a thing! Always.

What Squiddy said.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I would eat the HELL out of one of CPD's sammishes.

I want one in my face right now.

[LMNO]

I would eat the HELL out of one of CPD's sammishes.

I want one in my face right now.

[Ben Shapiro]

I would eat the HELL out of one of CPD's sammishes.

I want one in my face right now.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I would eat the HELL out of one of CPD's sammishes.

I want one in my face right now.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I would eat the HELL out of one of CPD's sammishes.

I want one in my face right now.

Oh my!

[Eater of Clowns]

Roger told me I am a maniacal version of the traveling gnome despite being taller than him. Minutes later, an awesome drunk SCAdian lady called me a "little asshole" after the first words I said to her.

EoC,
stature determined by popular vote.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Roger told me I am a maniacal version of the traveling gnome despite being taller than him. Minutes later, an awesome drunk SCAdian lady called me a "little asshole" after the first words I said to her.

EoC,
stature determined by popular vote.

13.5 hours of screaming through Boston in the back of EoC's fucking Shiner car, with NO FUCKING CLUE where the hell I was or where I was going, yeah fuck you, you're Satan's version of the fucking travelocity gnome.

[Eater of Clowns]

Roger told me I am a maniacal version of the traveling gnome despite being taller than him. Minutes later, an awesome drunk SCAdian lady called me a "little asshole" after the first words I said to her.

EoC,
stature determined by popular vote.

13.5 hours of screaming through Boston in the back of EoC's fucking Shiner car, with NO FUCKING CLUE where the hell I was or where I was going, yeah fuck you, you're Satan's version of the fucking travelocity gnome.

That's part of the experience. We were driving through my brain. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Roger told me I am a maniacal version of the traveling gnome despite being taller than him. Minutes later, an awesome drunk SCAdian lady called me a "little asshole" after the first words I said to her.

EoC,
stature determined by popular vote.

13.5 hours of screaming through Boston in the back of EoC's fucking Shiner car, with NO FUCKING CLUE where the hell I was or where I was going, yeah fuck you, you're Satan's version of the fucking travelocity gnome.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Roger told me I am a maniacal version of the traveling gnome despite being taller than him. Minutes later, an awesome drunk SCAdian lady called me a "little asshole" after the first words I said to her.

EoC,
stature determined by popular vote.

13.5 hours of screaming through Boston in the back of EoC's fucking Shiner car, with NO FUCKING CLUE where the hell I was or where I was going, yeah fuck you, you're Satan's version of the fucking travelocity gnome.

So, Richter and I, weighing in at a combined 500 pounds, are jammed into EoC's 2 door toy car thing, and HIS BACK SHOCKS ARE SHOT TO SHIT.  On the tank trap they call "The MA tollway".  My kidneys moved in with my lungs, on account of they've always liked each other and why pay 2 rent cheques?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

One of my friends is being a superfreak and I don't know what to do. I can't tell if she's in crisis, or just unusually clueless all of a sudden. Wednesday, she invites me over for dinner (same night invitation, I normally don't but it was after my last final). While we were there FBF invited us both over for dinner Friday, I explained that I couldn't. Friday afternoon Superfreak texted me, letting me know she was at a coffeeshop if I cared to join, and I told her I couldn't. Then she texted me again two hours later while I was at dinner with the bf and his coworkers, asking if I could come grab a drink. And then tonight, she texted me twice from a bar. I'm thinking, it's after ten o'clock, WTF? I know it's Saturday night, but dude, I am not that girl. What the hell is even going on.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

One of my friends is being a superfreak and I don't know what to do. I can't tell if she's in crisis, or just unusually clueless all of a sudden. Wednesday, she invites me over for dinner (same night invitation, I normally don't but it was after my last final). While we were there FBF invited us both over for dinner Friday, I explained that I couldn't. Friday afternoon Superfreak texted me, letting me know she was at a coffeeshop if I cared to join, and I told her I couldn't. Then she texted me again two hours later while I was at dinner with the bf and his coworkers, asking if I could come grab a drink. And then tonight, she texted me twice from a bar. I'm thinking, it's after ten o'clock, WTF? I know it's Saturday night, but dude, I am not that girl. What the hell is even going on.

People go to you, I think, because you will not bullshit them.  So they THINK they're calling you to get a shoulder to cry on, when they're REALLY calling you because they at some level know they need to be told to cut the shit.

Just a thought.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

One of my friends is being a superfreak and I don't know what to do. I can't tell if she's in crisis, or just unusually clueless all of a sudden. Wednesday, she invites me over for dinner (same night invitation, I normally don't but it was after my last final). While we were there FBF invited us both over for dinner Friday, I explained that I couldn't. Friday afternoon Superfreak texted me, letting me know she was at a coffeeshop if I cared to join, and I told her I couldn't. Then she texted me again two hours later while I was at dinner with the bf and his coworkers, asking if I could come grab a drink. And then tonight, she texted me twice from a bar. I'm thinking, it's after ten o'clock, WTF? I know it's Saturday night, but dude, I am not that girl. What the hell is even going on.

People go to you, I think, because you will not bullshit them.  So they THINK they're calling you to get a shoulder to cry on, when they're REALLY calling you because they at some level know they need to be told to cut the shit.

Just a thought.

Hahaha maybe that's it. I said "Are you drunk? Go home".

[The Good Reverend Roger]

One of my friends is being a superfreak and I don't know what to do. I can't tell if she's in crisis, or just unusually clueless all of a sudden. Wednesday, she invites me over for dinner (same night invitation, I normally don't but it was after my last final). While we were there FBF invited us both over for dinner Friday, I explained that I couldn't. Friday afternoon Superfreak texted me, letting me know she was at a coffeeshop if I cared to join, and I told her I couldn't. Then she texted me again two hours later while I was at dinner with the bf and his coworkers, asking if I could come grab a drink. And then tonight, she texted me twice from a bar. I'm thinking, it's after ten o'clock, WTF? I know it's Saturday night, but dude, I am not that girl. What the hell is even going on.

People go to you, I think, because you will not bullshit them.  So they THINK they're calling you to get a shoulder to cry on, when they're REALLY calling you because they at some level know they need to be told to cut the shit.

Just a thought.

Hahaha maybe that's it. I said "Are you drunk? Go home".

We need a "GO HOME PORTLAND, YOU'RE DRUNK" WOMP-athon.