Suu's Low-Carb Atrocities.

[Suu]

I've been Atkinsing the fuck out of life since Memorial Day. I hate it, because I can't just shove all the things into my pie hole, but I'm losing weight, my mood is better, and my skin is clearer. I'm a slow loser because of PCOS and my BC pills, but, I was down 13lbs from Memorial Day on the 4th of July, and as of yesterday I have lost 3 inches from my waist, 2 from my hip, 2 from my high waist, and even an inch from my biceps. Not bad for 2 months.

This means I have to cook. Here are some of the recipes I've been able to come up with. This stuff is also good for folks who need to eat gluten free. However, vegetarians and vegans need to GTFO. I eat so much dead animal to stay full it's awesome.

One of the things I can cook with is flax seed meal. It has next to no impact carbohydrates (seriously, it's all fucking fiber) and helps sate annoying bread cravings. It tastes like grass if you don't season the hell out of it, but then it just tastes like grass with seasonings. Either way, here is the pizza I made tonight:



That don't look so bad, does it? It wasn't, other than that flax does not firm up like wheat does, so the crust gets soggy faster. This is a fork pizza.

1 1/2 cups flax seed meal
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt (I threw in Adobo.)
1 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon Italian spices (I have a spice blend.)
1 teaspoon granulated garlic
1/2 teaspoon granulated onion
1 tablespoon Stevia (original recipe called for Splenda. Ew.)
3 tablespoons oil
3 eggs
1/2 cup water

Preheat to 425F. Put dry stuff in one bowl. Put wet stuff in another. Beat your wet stuff together, then beat it into your dry stuff. Make sure it's good and mixed, and then let it sit for a few minutes to thicken. Put your brown goo on a pan, and throw that shit in the oven for 15 minutes and change. I think next time I'm going to cook it a bit longer to see if I can get it more crispy. Remove when it's done and top with your goodies. DO NOT USE JAR SAUCE. That shit is full of sugar and garbage. Make your own if you can, or try to find the purest sauce on the market. Or, sliced tomatoes would probably rock. This is just my sauce, shredded full-fat mozzarella (low-fat = more sugar. Seriously.) Pepperoni and onion. I popped the pizza back in until the cheese and pepperoni had that done look, and bam. Dinner. This says it should serve 4-6, it served me and the boyfriend with no leftovers, but we were REALLY full.

I'll post something else tomorrow. I have a few that I've been meaning to share, just because they're tasty.

[East Coast Hustle]

Just FYI, that's not even close to gluten-free. Assuming that we're talking about "I have actual celiacs disease" gluten-free and not "Oh, I heard this trendy diet will magically make me better" gluten-free.

[Suu]

I thought flax was? The toppings aren't. Not that I give a fuck, I'm not eating gluten free. I had to talk several friends OUT of it, because they thought that's what I was doing, and they wanted to "diet" too.

No, idiots. Gluten free is not going to make you thinner, especially when you think you can still cram Hershey bars into your pie hole because "sugar and chocolate are gluten free!" GF is for people with Celiac, not tards that want to jump on the next fad diet. I'm not fad dieting, I'm removing grains from my diet because I'm facing insulin resistance thanks to my fucking broken girl parts.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I don't get where the gluten is in that. It doesn't really matter, but now I'm curious.

[SexyFish]

aw Suu you poor thing!!! It must suck being so old that it's harder for you to lose weight. I wish you luck in scoring that dream body even though your face, skin, and boobs will never be young again.

[Suu]

I don't get where the gluten is in that. It doesn't really matter, but now I'm curious.

This.

Maybe in the cheese or meat some how as a byproduct (I wouldn't be surprised.) But like I said, I'm not eating GF, but the flax meal is a good option for folks that have to. It just, you know, tastes nothing like wheat, BUT it's an option.

[Suu]

aw Suu you poor thing!!! It must suck being so old that it's harder for you to lose weight. I wish you luck in scoring that dream body even though your face, skin, and boobs will never be young again.

The day that HIMEOBS turned me from a 40 year old fat internet troll who could barely see his penis to a 25 (at the time) year old walking vagina, I knew I would never be the same.

THANKS, HIMEOBS!

[East Coast Hustle]

It's almost certainly in the pepperoni. Most prepackaged cured meats contain gluten. Some prepackaged shredded cheeses contain it as well depending on what they use for an anti-caking agent, but that's less common.

[Suu]

It's almost certainly in the pepperoni. Most prepackaged cured meats contain gluten. Some prepackaged shredded cheeses contain it as well depending on what they use for an anti-caking agent, but that's less common.

Huh, I'll have to take a look out of curiosity.

I would hate to have celiac. It's such a difficult lifestyle with all the crap food we have on the market these days.

[East Coast Hustle]

And the thing is, in the USA you can legally call something gluten-free as long as it has less than 20ppm of gluten in it. That's fine even for most people with wheat allergies and even some people with celiacs but for people with severe celiacs it can still cause a reaction. Our food labeling laws are much more lax than, say, Europe or Australia's.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It's almost certainly in the pepperoni. Most prepackaged cured meats contain gluten. Some prepackaged shredded cheeses contain it as well depending on what they use for an anti-caking agent, but that's less common.

Well whaddaya know. I would never have thought to check the pepperoni.

Then again, I couldn't give two fucks about gluten either way. I had a tofurkey sausage for lunch and I'm pretty sure that's made entirely of gluten.

[Suu]

And the thing is, in the USA you can legally call something gluten-free as long as it has less than 20ppm of gluten in it. That's fine even for most people with wheat allergies and even some people with celiacs but for people with severe celiacs it can still cause a reaction. Our food labeling laws are much more lax than, say, Europe or Australia's.

Well, that sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen if it hasn't already.

[East Coast Hustle]

On what grounds? Companies are following the law in the US. I mean, you can try suing the FDA I guess. Good luck with that. The amount of corruption and shady dealing that goes on in and around the food industry in this country is staggering and the FDA and USDA are no exception. In fact, they may be the gold standard.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, 20ppm is a residual level so small that the only way it could be guaranteed NOT to be in a product is for the product to be produced in a separate, isolated facility. It's a trace amount; for perhaps slightly better perspective, that's 1/0.000002, or 0.0002%.

That's not reassuring to someone who can have an adverse reaction to a single molecule, but for almost all purposes it is, functionally, zero. It's essentially "Oh shit, a grain of wheat got in this 50-lb sack of rice".

[East Coast Hustle]

Indeed. But IIRC if you want to label your product "gluten free" in Australia it has to be produced in a dedicated gluten free facility with regular independent assays to confirm that the product is completely gluten free. I could be misremembering some of the details but their laws are WAY more stringent about that sort of thing, as are the EU's though to a lesser degree.