Most Wanted, #1 of ?

[Doktor Howl]

Nigel Delores  Age:  Unknown, estimated at 1800 years +/- 100 years.  Gender:  unknown (presumed female but has an infinite number of dicks).  Race:  Orkadian et al.

She's just an American chasing a dream.  She's just running with the top down and the music up.  She's just trying to smile and say "welcome to America", but she speaks through a shotgun and your head falls off.  She's wanted in all 50 states, Puerto Rico, and Guam.  She's just shaking hands with the severed arm of the future.

Nigel has an extra joint in each leg; this allows her to move low to the ground.  When she hits a knot of Black Friday shoppers, the knot breaks like a herd of gazelle, like beads scatter when you slam a hammer through a windshield.  Except for the victim, of course.  He scatters too, but in a different way.  And the police and the emergency services personnel come away from the aftermath with a new view on the way the universe works, and most often a new religion as well.

Portland is the sea floor of America.  Nigel is America's pelagic shark.  But she does not feed like a carp.  No.  Nigel is the reason humanity stays in the shallows.  The bright, bright shallows.  Nigel is the reason humanity knows WHY they stay in those shallows.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  This is delightful!

[Doktor Howl]

This is delightful!

EoC is next, if he ever sends me a pic with lots of teeth showing.

[hooplala]

Nigel is the reason I never swim in natural bodies of water.

Or unnatural, for that matter.

...or bathe at all, actually.

[Eater of Clowns]

This is delightful!

EoC is next, if he ever sends me a pic with lots of teeth showing.

I'll see if I can float one over while I'm at work.

[Doktor Howl]

Nigel is the reason I never swim in natural bodies of water.

Or unnatural, for that matter.

...or bathe at all, actually.

Yes.  You can't make the drain grate holes small enough and still have them drain.  She's very tiny for her size.

[Doktor Howl]

This is delightful!

EoC is next, if he ever sends me a pic with lots of teeth showing.

I'll see if I can float one over while I'm at work.

Oki doke.  I'm heading out for the day, but yours is already written, so when I get the pic, I'll post the thread.

[Ben Shapiro]

LOL

[LMNO]

Is it wse to reveal this information publicly?

[Doktor Howl]

Is it wse to reveal this information publicly?

Well, no.

But she's going to kill us all anyway.  Not intentionally, maybe.  It's just that her form of communication seems to involve bone saws.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Pure gold.

[EK WAFFLR]

 

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

Love this, are you gonna do one for everybody?

[Doktor Howl]

Love this, are you gonna do one for everybody?

Not sure.  I'm doing one a day for however long, and if you want to be slandered, send me a pic.

[Reginald Ret]

I like you biology angle.
Also, that fucking news thingy with the mousepointer got me fooled. Again.