Rant 155: Great Religions?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 155
Great Religions?

"Where did all those angry Muslims find those hundreds of Danish flags to burn? Smells like an Erisian plot to me."
-Chairman Chao (when I asked him what time it was)

There was a time not too long ago, when people in Western societies would go just as batshit over perceived slights against Christianity as the Muslims are now going over the perceived slight to their religion. Remember that the West used to burn witches. They used to stone their neighbors. They used to hunt down and kill one another to prove how righteous they were. If this religious hold had stayed with the West into modern times, some of us would be flying planes into buildings and blowing ourselves up in crowded markets too. What gives? Religion. Fanatical you-are-nothing-god-is-everything-you-miserable-sinner/infidel type of religion. It is a sickness. It is designed to make you go batshit and kill your neighbor, no matter how many times some hippy pops on the scene and tells you to love one another and all that jazz. Why? Because while your mind is ablaze with the psychic fever of fanatical religion, you and your fellow humans are easier to take advantage of by the guys (usually the "guys," rarely the "girls") in charge of the officially sanctioned proper orthodoxy. While you are all too busy killing one another trying to prove whose version of God is correct (despite the fact that God likes to changes colors and shapes all the time), your priests and holymen are living it up off your donations. They make you feel guilty. They make you feel like you are a nothingman, an underman, a miserable unworthy bastard who needs to get right with God, preferably by killing other people for it. (Human sacrifice seems to have never really died off.)

Muslim extremists don't mind killing you if you don't believe and won't listen. Despite what some of the more polite Muslims will say. They have co-religionists who see nothing of value in you unless you become Muslim. This is not special though. There are some Christians who see you the same way. You are simply a cardboard target for either conversion or a swift kick to hell. The only difference between Muslims and Christians nowadays (besides the whole theological dispute) is the fact that Christians don't kill non-believers or each other as rapidly as the Muslims still do. Unless you wish to factor in what Western secular states have done as being "Christian." And, just remember, it hasn't been all that long since the Christians last ran amok in the West (remember the Nazis?) chopping up the non-believers and 'undesirables'.

This latest furore over the whole Mohammed cartoon thing is an amazingly concise proof in my theory that most people LIKE BEING STUPID. Why? Because when they are stupid, they can blame any horrible or shitty thing they do on someone else. "Sorry officer that I burned down that embassy, but they shouldn't have played with Mohammed!" Or, "We Muslims are good. You Christians started the crusades...Jihad? What Jihad? What? We never conquered Spain and killed people there. Spain was always Muslim." I don't know about you, but it seems like God is jerking these poor suckers around, feeding them lines of BS in an effort to watch them off one another. (God does get lazy from time to time and She prefers to let the humans screw themselves since that seems to be their highest skill set.) God did it with Christianity in an effort to get the madhatted Europeans to tone down and come off their world conquering shenanigans. Not because She cares. But because She wanted things to settle down so that some geeks could create the internet.

But I digress.

Religion, while not poison like that fat Chinese communist said, is a crock of bull when people let it infect them with mental illness. Or people use religion to excuse their illness and then blame it on God. I am sorry, but She is getting sick of all that. If you forget to flush your own toilet that is your own damned fault. I don't know what you see, but I look at the history of the Christians and the Muslims and I see killing fields, rivers of blood, and a bunch of men telling women what to wear, who to have sex with, and what to do with their own bodies. Muslims and Christians have not only forcefully converted large populations on the planet, but they have killed millions of each other in Jihads and Crusades. They both are also experts at killing their own people, whom they dub "heretics" or some other stupid label. (The Welsh used to say "Before you'd kill a dog, you'd call it mad.") Both religions insist that non-believers must approach their religion in the way the believers would. That is simply arrogant and stupid. Why must a nonbeliever treat someone else's religion as special? Why would anyone even think that nonbelievers must follow and respect the laws of someone's religion? I don't see Muslims or Christians willing to approach other religions as being true and right. So why would they expect other people to think that Islam or Christianity is any better at the game when both these religions disrespect not only each other but all other religions. I am not sorry for saying this but that sort of religious arrogance is not going to fly for long. People will vomit that crap right up. And they'd better hurry while Eris is still willing to play nice and with one hand behind Her back.

It doesn't look good for religious extremists. They seem to be the most entertaining bunch in the circus but it's a shame that they don't even realize that they are playing in a circus. It's also a shame that they seem focused on trying to get the other performers to act like them when all the people in the audience want is to see a good show. And, by the way, the whole long beard thing was a joke that some of you have forgotten. Anyone have any suggestions on unclogging the pineal glands of those infected with either Islamitis or Christianitis?

Great religions? They don't seem too great from where I stand, unless you factor in body counts. How can they be great when they seem to breed extremists and never seem to be able to stop those extremists? How can they be great when they go around bullying everyone else around the world? If any of those fundamentalists whether Christian or Muslim think that they are going to bring the world back to the way it was when they were running shit, they have another thing coming. They had power before, and remember what an absolute violent shithole much of the planet became because of it? You can tell me that that is unfair because these two religions have given many people hope and strength but I will only just retort with, "Yeah. Just like fascism promises to give you hope and strength if only you would just believe." I may be wrong but it's something to think about anyway.

February 8th, 2006
-Irreverend Hugh, KSC

[Lord Daddy Lombrosis]

reflections

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

I think you let the Jews off too easy, but I also think they have taken enough shit, so carry on.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I think you let the Jews off too easy, but I also think they have taken enough shit, so carry on.

But the Jews are no threat to anyone unless they happen to be Palestinian.

[eighteen buddha strike]

I think you let the Jews off too easy, but I also think they have taken enough shit, so carry on.

But the Jews are no threat to anyone unless they happen to be Palestinian.

I wanted to make a joke about Uriel trying to kill me on my way out of the subpoernal realms, but I'm too tired to tie this into anything even mildly anti-semitic. Sleep is good.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I think you let the Jews off too easy, but I also think they have taken enough shit, so carry on.

But the Jews are no threat to anyone unless they happen to be Palestinian.

I wanted to make a joke about Uriel trying to kill me on my way out of the subpoernal realms, but I'm too tired to tie this into anything even mildly anti-semitic. Sleep is good.

Eh. Gads!

Don't make me send cousin Avi after you.

[eighteen buddha strike]

What?

You might want to keep a bedsheet soaked in menstrual fluid handy, just in case.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

What?

You might want to keep a bedsheet soaked in menstrual fluid handy, just in case.

It won't help you none after we move you to the warehouse.

[eighteen buddha strike]

What?

You might want to keep a bedsheet soaked in menstrual fluid handy, just in case.

It won't help you none after we move you to the warehouse.

Be careful

It would be in your best interest to avoid exposure to our Buddha Nature.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

What?

You might want to keep a bedsheet soaked in menstrual fluid handy, just in case.

It won't help you none after we move you to the warehouse.

Be careful

It would be in your best interest to avoid exposure to our Buddha Nature.

We already sold off your Buddha nature to the Iranian physicists, so...

[eighteen buddha strike]

What?

You might want to keep a bedsheet soaked in menstrual fluid handy, just in case.

It won't help you none after we move you to the warehouse.

Be careful

It would be in your best interest to avoid exposure to our Buddha Nature.

We already sold off your Buddha nature to the Iranian physicists, so...

Balderdash!

Here at the offices of the Frozen Nothing, we are not intimidated by your metaphysical strong-arm tactics or the agents of the discordian jihad.

If you make a habit of disenchanting your potential allies, you'll find yourself at the recieving end of the 36 Fists of Qliphoth.

Your warehouse would be insuffient to contain.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

We have been waiting for Qlipoth.

Do you have Jesus' Motorbike?