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21C Man, part 9: How Has Nobody Killed You Yet?

Started by Doktor Howl, February 09, 2015, 04:40:08 PM

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Doktor Howl

We staggered in to the lab in the morning.  Doug mumbled something about coffee, and started setting up a batch, while Michael and Anna started firing up the laptops.  I sat there, feeling like I had sand under my eyelids.  When I was young, a 20 hour session of programming was a doddle...At age 46, it felt like basic training all crammed into my head, stomping around singing cadence.

Anna:  "What the fuck?"

Micheal:  "Oh, shit."

"I don't want to hear words like that," I said, "Not right now."

"The code is hashed," Michael said, "It's completely bolloxed."

"What the hell happened?", Felipe asked.

Anna did some arcane stuff with the laptop.   "Last edited this morning at 6AM.  And the names of the processors have been changed to variations on the name "Cliff".

I walked to the door to the lab, and stuck my head out.  "OWNER THING!  YOUR PRESENCE IS REQUIRED IN THE LAB."

Owner thing came out of his office with that look you get on your face when you realize a brilliant idea wasn't so brilliant.

"Owner thing, you fucked with the code this morning."

"Yes.  It was sloppy code and needed to be tightened up."

"It was functional code.  Now it is non-functional.  This isn't good for either of us."

"Well, blame those hacks I hired," Owner thing said, oblivious to the fact that said hacks were just around the corner, "It was their code."

"It WAS their code, before you felt the need to piss your incompetence all over it.  You are now in direct breach of contract, having actively sabotaged the project.  This means you should hire counsel.  It won't do you any good, The Corporation can lawyer you to death without spending an additional dime, but you should at least make the attempt.  This project is dead.  So is your company."

He stood goggling at me.  Behind him, in the cube farm, Abigail burst into tears.  She apparently needed this job.

"However," I said, "In the interests of your employees, there is one remaining option that may save this project and your company."

"Um," Owner thing said.

"You will take the rest of the week off.  As in, you will not set foot in this building until I leave with functional software."

"But..."

"This is a one time offer.  Take a vacation, get paid, ooze your way along in life.  Or get squashed like a bug.  This offer is good for 30 seconds."

"OKAY!" he shouted, stormed into his office and came back out with his lunchbox.  He slammed the door on the way out of the building.  Looking around, I felt like I was being observed by prairie dogs, as people looked over their cubicles with the mininum amount of their heads showing.

"What?  Do you not have work things to do?  Do work things now."  Heads vanished.  I turned back into the lab.

Doug shoved a coffee in my hand.  "Wow, boss, you're a bit of a dick."

"I don't like being this way," I said, "It makes me feel bad.  But shit like this needs sorting."  I took a sip of the coffee, and got a little surprise.  Doug had actually made cappacino.  "DOUG!"

"Yeah?"

"This is like having coffee angels crapping rainbows in my mouth."

"Glad you like it."

"I still hate you."

"I know", Doug said, with the smugness that only those born pretty can attain.

We turned to the task of re-doing 23 hours worth of coding.

To be continued.





Molon Lube

LMNO

A dick?  You are the soul of charity, to give owner thing a way out like that.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on February 09, 2015, 04:44:14 PM
A dick?  You are the soul of charity, to give owner thing a way out like that.

If it was just him, I'd have gone nuclear.  But I felt bad for Abigail.

Call it a moment of weakness.
Molon Lube

Eater of Clowns

He blamed it on his staff? Fastest way I can think of to get on Dok's shit list.  :lulz:
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on February 09, 2015, 05:01:02 PM
He blamed it on his staff? Fastest way I can think of to get on Dok's shit list.  :lulz:

Well, he certainly wasn't going to accept any responsibility.  This is America.
Molon Lube

Richter

Note from my paranoia - does this jackhole have any remote access?
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 10, 2015, 01:33:31 AM
Wow.  :lulz:

It gets better.  It turns out that Doug can even dance.

I hate him like he was Hitler's personal fartcatcher.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 10, 2015, 01:51:01 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 10, 2015, 01:33:31 AM
Wow.  :lulz:

It gets better.  It turns out that Doug can even dance.

I hate him like he was Hitler's personal fartcatcher.

A programmer who is good-looking and can dance?

This unicorn exists in Phoenix??
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 10, 2015, 02:17:09 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 10, 2015, 01:51:01 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 10, 2015, 01:33:31 AM
Wow.  :lulz:

It gets better.  It turns out that Doug can even dance.

I hate him like he was Hitler's personal fartcatcher.

A programmer who is good-looking and can dance?

This unicorn exists in Phoenix??

I know, right?
Molon Lube

Aucoq

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on February 09, 2015, 05:01:02 PM
He blamed it on his staff? Fastest way I can think of to get on Dok's shit list.  :lulz:

That part made me groan.  What a tool move.   :lol:

Also, poor Abigail.  :sad:
"All of the world's leading theologists agree only on the notion that God hates no-fault insurance."

Horrid and Sticky Llama Wrangler of Last Week's Forbidden Desire.