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ORIGINS thread.

Started by Doktor Howl, February 17, 2015, 05:01:58 PM

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Doktor Howl

#1:  NIGEL

Nigel is from way back in the future, somewhere around 3250CE.  She defied her bosses and came back to warn us about the impending apocalypse, but due to factory-second parts being used in the time machine, she arrived with fragmented memories and an infinite number of dicks, which she controls though minature space/time portals.  The less said about that, the better. 

In any case, her fragmented memories frustrated her...All she could remember about the coming weird times were odds and ends which are meaningless without context (ie, "hollow fish" and "weaponized chai" and "apocalypse chickens").  What's more, people who lived 1,235 years before her were DUMB and wouldn't listen when she tried to tell them WHAT.

She was heard to say "If I can't be a super-heroine, Then I shall be a super-villainess."  She embarked on a program of terrorist poetry and lethal macrame, occasionally teaming up with other villains such as Doktor Howl, Richter, and Barack Obama, and - this is rumor - even the hideous master criminal "The Absence", who was never at any of the crimes he was suspected of committing, which is in itself proof that he committed them.

Her largest accomplishment was bending Portland, Oregon this way, which turned it from a racist stronghold to a center of liberalism and artistry...Although when she was defeated fighting the Space Demon Jehovahbubba, she landed so hard she bent it that way, and nothing in Portland has ever gone right since.

She has not been seen since the Jehovabubba incident, but is presumed to be alive on account of her dicks are still functional, as anyone in America can verify with their right hand or perhaps a pair of mirrors.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

#2:  Richter

Richter was born between Attleboro and South Attleboro, in a mistake of geometry and some very bad timing on the part of his mother.  As a result, he only had two dimensions because of the geography, and a need to sharpen things because of the locals.  He did not consider himself to be a super-villain, but any sane member of society knows that sharpened toothpaste is only good for one thing:  Killing people.

Not much is know of his activity (you couldn't see him from the side), but he is suspected in several "spontaneous dismemberments", though these may have been accidental. 

Richter participated in the battle against Jehovahbubba, and was struck so hard he popped into three dimensions.  He somehow survived this, and went back to his villainous ways.  He sharpened the bent remains of Portland, making a 30 mile boomerang, and threw it at San Diego, and everybody died.  When it returned to his hand, he put it back where it was.  FOR NOW.

Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

#3:  Doktor Howl

Doktor Howl started off as a heroic crusader of SCIENCE against the forces of Darkness and Bad Behavior...However, after contracting a brain virus while fighting the Mole-Men of Under-Tucson, his perception got skewed.  On top of this, GOOD ideas pushed through damaged brain beef came out distorted...Wrong.

It is therefore impossible to say what he thought he was doing when he backed a trencher though the Boston orphanage.  He no doubt believed there was a positive outcome to sending Elizabeth Warren though a powered laundry mangle.  He most likely imagined he was on the side of the angels when he did that thing to Kansas City that nobody likes to talk about.

When the battle with Jehovahbubba happened, Doktor Howl's mind - being out of warranty - was untouchable by Jehovabubba's mind crush power, but he apparently mistook the space demon for car, and instead of slaying him, he drove God around for an hour and a half, which in no way improved that angry deity's mood...particularly since the Doktor apparently believed that God had a manual transmission, and kept slamming his limbic system back, trying to "grind them til you find them".

After the event, he was walled up in the dimension of Tucson, a prison plane which he in his damaged state imagines to be a small slice of heaven.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

#4:  LMNO

LMNO is the famous Big Gay Cowboy of Boston.  He started out as a fabulous but mild-mannered financial guru of some kind, but was showered in radioactive glitter back in 2004.  He soon began manifesting strange powers (such as his "atomic twerk"), which he vowed to use only in the service of Saturday Night™.  He soon gathered a team of sidekicks - though he considers them equals - which became known as "Team Vodka", and their deeds are sung in the Gay Bars every Friday afternoon.

LMNO was the first to warn of Jehovahbubba, and was of course at the battle, where he punched God right in the junk.  Twice.  With a rock in his fist.  Even Jehovah Bubba's victims winced, and the space demon let out a noise like every steam whistle on Earth going off, then he knocked LMNO through New Jersey - the long way - and stepped on him.  LMNO bounced back up with his now-famous retort, "Bitch, I'm FABULOUS!", and joined back into the battle in time to stick some tuck tape on extremely inappropriate places on God's body.

LMNO was one of only two people physically unchanged by the battle, but he has labored under God's curse ever since...His phone rings with the cries of cancer babies in hell, and - even worse - he was promoted to a Position of Responsibility, and his visits to THE GAY BAR have trailed off.  Things are not the same on the dance floor without him, and Boston is a sadder place.
Molon Lube

LMNO


Doktor Howl

Four more tomorrow.  QG, Cainad, that Cram fucker, and Cain.
Molon Lube

Cainad (dec.)

 :lulz: I like this new (?) mythos.

Q. G. Pennyworth

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

I love PD mythos threads!

Pæs


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

 :lulz: These are GREAT. OMG.  :lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Wizard Joseph

 :eek:  :lulz:  :fnord:  x1023
Freaking awesome!
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

Richter

 :lulz:

This is perhaps too true.  I still catch myself bieng 2d sometimes.  Like when I stand still enough and people don't see me.  Or when my skill at conversation just sort of STOPS.  I have coping mechanisms though.  That carpet looks awfully dull....
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Richter on February 18, 2015, 02:26:39 AM
:lulz:

This is perhaps too true.  I still catch myself bieng 2d sometimes.  Like when I stand still enough and people don't see me.  Or when my skill at conversation just sort of STOPS.  I have coping mechanisms though.  That carpet looks awfully dull....

Sharpening jello is just cruel.  Emptied the whole fucking rest home out.
Molon Lube

ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞

P E R   A S P E R A   A D   A S T R A

Chelagoras The Boulder

"It isn't who you know, it's who you know, if you know what I mean.  And I think you do."