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MOTHERFUCKING CHEESE

Started by Q. G. Pennyworth, October 09, 2013, 10:01:06 PM

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Q. G. Pennyworth

OKAY YOU BASTARDS, THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF BULLSHIT SPEWED ABOUT CHEESE ON THIS FORUM AND I AM HERE TO SET SHIT STRAIGHT

THIS IS CHEESE:


MOTHERFUCKING VERMONT WHITE CHEDDAR UP IN THIS BITCH. YOU LIKE FLAVOR? THIS CHEESE IS MADE OF FLAVORS. THIS CHEESE IS SO INTENSE IT HAS TO SIT IN A CAVE FOR AT LEAST SIX MONTHS TO LEARN HOW TO BE AWESOME. THIS CHEESE GOES ON CRACKERS LIKE A BOSS. YOU WANT A GRILLED CHEESE? SLICE THIS SHIT UP REAL THIN AND SLAP IN ON SOME BREAD, GUY.

THIS IS NOT CHEESE:


FUCKING CHEESE CURDS ARE NOT CHEESE, OKAY? CHEESE DOES NOT SQUEAK WHEN YOU EAT IT. FOOD DOES NOT SQUEAK UNLESS YOU'RE EATING MICE WHOLE. THESE LITTLE FUCKERS ARE WHAT YOU MAKE CHEESE OUT OF. WHEN YOU EAT CHEESE CURDS, YOU ARE STRAIGHT UP EATING CHEESE ABORTIONS.

THIS IS NOT CHEESE:


BASTARD SLIMY KRAFT SINGLES BULLSHIT. NOT CHEESE. NOT EVEN FOOD. YOU MIGHT AS WELL USE MAYONNAISE IN YOUR GODDAMNED GRILLED CHEESE, YOU DISGUSTING PHILISTINES. THEY AREN'T EVEN ALLOWED TO MARKET THIS NONSENSE AS CHEESE. LEGALLY.

Ben Shapiro


The Good Reverend Roger

Depends on the brand.  Some sliced cheese is in fact nothing but lard bound by industrial alcohol (chemically similar to a Twinkie).

Some is actual cheese.

On the other hand, I like this false catagorization/exclusionary trend, and will now state that cheese is only cheese if you make it yourself from raw milk.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 09, 2013, 10:01:06 PM
THIS IS CHEESE:


Not unless you made it yourself.  And you did it for the love of making it, not to sell it.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

EK WAFFLR

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 09, 2013, 10:04:41 PM
Depends on the brand.  Some sliced cheese is in fact nothing but lard bound by industrial alcohol (chemically similar to a Twinkie).

Some is actual cheese.

On the other hand, I like this false catagorization/exclusionary trend, and will now state that cheese is only cheese if you make it yourself from raw badger milk.
FTFY
"At first I lifted weights.  But then I asked myself, 'why not people?'  Now everyone runs for the fjord when they see me."


Horribly Oscillating Assbasket of Deliciousness
[/b]

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Waffleman on October 09, 2013, 10:05:47 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 09, 2013, 10:04:41 PM
Depends on the brand.  Some sliced cheese is in fact nothing but lard bound by industrial alcohol (chemically similar to a Twinkie).

Some is actual cheese.

On the other hand, I like this false catagorization/exclusionary trend, and will now state that cheese is only cheese if you make it yourself from raw badger milk.
FTFY

And you have to milk the badgers yourself.

Same with llama cheese.  If you don't personally risk the antlers of the beast, you can't call the results actual cheese.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Q. G. Pennyworth

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 09, 2013, 10:04:41 PM
Depends on the brand.  Some sliced cheese is in fact nothing but lard bound by industrial alcohol (chemically similar to a Twinkie).

Some is actual cheese.

On the other hand, I like this false catagorization/exclusionary trend, and will now state that cheese is only cheese if you make it yourself from raw milk.

You can get sliced white american that's actually pretty good (husband's addicted to the stuff). The rant above was specifically leveled at the stuff that has to be marketed as "singles" because it doesn't meet the legal requirements to be marketed as cheese.

Eater of Clowns

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 09, 2013, 10:04:41 PM
Depends on the brand.  Some sliced cheese is in fact nothing but lard bound by industrial alcohol (chemically similar to a Twinkie).

Some is actual cheese.

On the other hand, I like this false catagorization/exclusionary trend, and will now state that cheese is only cheese if you make it yourself from raw milk.

I am of the firm opinion that anything is cheese if you just call it cheese.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 09, 2013, 10:12:00 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 09, 2013, 10:04:41 PM
Depends on the brand.  Some sliced cheese is in fact nothing but lard bound by industrial alcohol (chemically similar to a Twinkie).

Some is actual cheese.

On the other hand, I like this false catagorization/exclusionary trend, and will now state that cheese is only cheese if you make it yourself from raw milk.

I am of the firm opinion that anything is cheese if you just call it cheese.

You sir, are a philistine and a sell out to Big Cheese.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eater of Clowns

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 09, 2013, 10:26:41 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 09, 2013, 10:12:00 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 09, 2013, 10:04:41 PM
Depends on the brand.  Some sliced cheese is in fact nothing but lard bound by industrial alcohol (chemically similar to a Twinkie).

Some is actual cheese.

On the other hand, I like this false catagorization/exclusionary trend, and will now state that cheese is only cheese if you make it yourself from raw milk.

I am of the firm opinion that anything is cheese if you just call it cheese.

You sir, are a philistine and a sell out to Big Cheese.

Hey, call me whatever you want. I'm going to go enjoy my medium-rare cheese with cheese chutney.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

I checked, though, and Kraft singles are in fact marketed as cheese.

Sort of.

Kraft Singles are marketed under "pasteurized prepared cheese product".

Ingredients: Cheddar cheese, milk, whey, milkfat, milk protein concentrate, salt, calcium phosphate, sodium citrate, whey protein concentrate, sodium phosphate, sorbic acid as a preservative, apocarotenal (color),annatto (color), enzymes, vitamin D3, cheese culture, yellow dye.

Also, I have a question:  How does the slicing process at a factory invalidate the cheese aspect, whereas doing it at home doesn't?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Salty

Because slicing it at home offers the potential for cutting yourself.

Pre sliced cheese is safe cheese  thus not cheese.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Alty on October 09, 2013, 10:35:36 PM
Because slicing it at home offers the potential for cutting yourself.

Pre sliced cheese is safe cheese  thus not cheese.

Who are you talking to?  :lulz:

Food is NEVER safe when I'm involved.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Salty

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on October 09, 2013, 10:36:55 PM
Quote from: Alty on October 09, 2013, 10:35:36 PM
Because slicing it at home offers the potential for cutting yourself.

Pre sliced cheese is safe cheese  thus not cheese.

Proof is in the cheese flavoured prepackaged pudding.

I want to see that plastic wrapped corporate cheese get dangerous.

Who are you talking to?  :lulz:

Food is NEVER safe when I'm involved.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Alty on October 09, 2013, 10:38:34 PM

Proof is in the cheese flavoured prepackaged pudding.

I want to see that plastic wrapped corporate cheese get dangerous.

2 kitchen fires so far.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.