All Right, Assholes, it's PENANCE TIME.

[hunter s.durden]

I said Merry Christmas.

No amount of showers...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I said Merry Christmas.

To WHOM?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Durden's avatar reminds me of Roky Erickson.
An even more scrambled Roky Erickson, if you can imagine that.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

You know what a co-worker told me yesterday?

"You lost your spunk! You used to have spunk! Now you're just dead weight!!"

I looked up, taking my nose away from the grindstone, to figure out what she was talking about. Turns out she thinks if I'm not spewing obscenities and threatening to share happy stories from my childhood and whatever other dumb shit I used to do, then I'm not 'spunky'. If I'm actually keeping my mouth shut and doing my job, then I'm dead weight.

I think I like the way she thinks. But there you go. There's my sin. I'm not spunky anymore. I'm dead weight.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You know what a co-worker told me yesterday?

"You lost your spunk! You used to have spunk! Now you're just dead weight!!"

I looked up, taking my nose away from the grindstone, to figure out what she was talking about. Turns out she thinks if I'm not spewing obscenities and threatening to share happy stories from my childhood and whatever other dumb shit I used to do, then I'm not 'spunky'. If I'm actually keeping my mouth shut and doing my job, then I'm dead weight.

I think I like the way she thinks. But there you go. There's my sin. I'm not spunky anymore. I'm dead weight.

Spunk in her face.

"FUCK OFF, I'M DOING MY GODDAMN JOB."

[Richter]

Offenses against the Co workers:
-told the girl who just bought a house he life was now "50 shades of beige"
-requested a sexual harrasment workshop when I felt my own double entendre were not degrading enough
-wore a sheepskin vest.  publically posted a rebuttal to the vegans.  (Managers still laughing)
- ate the vindaloo
-turned the xmas tree into "Freddie Mercurtree" with glasses and fake stache

Offenses against the LARPers
-suggested better places to stick the binding runes
-flipped out on a unicorn
-made them add more rules about combat
-dropped puns at the Inquisition

Offenses against the roomates
-Ferric Chloride in the tub
-spent yeast from the beer in the sink
-pewter on the ceiling
-the bone dust incident

Offenses against the Scadians
-KO'ing tricks with a greatsword
-every knife kill that sent people to therapy.
-tieing up the household's roaming gnome statue like a gimp and hanging him in the spare tent

Actual confirmed fact; I was there. The others fit the behavior profile.

Yeah, but that's not a sin.

The jury is out on the pun thing, I'd have to see an example.

Well, I'm leaving the East Coast.  Fuck this place.

The last straw was not being able to get a decent order of eggs benedict.  Halfass foodstuffs in Kennedy country for fucksake. 

It is all figured out though, I am moving to Alaska.

There's no place like Nome for the Holedaise.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Offenses against the Co workers:
-told the girl who just bought a house he life was now "50 shades of beige"
-requested a sexual harrasment workshop when I felt my own double entendre were not degrading enough
-wore a sheepskin vest.  publically posted a rebuttal to the vegans.  (Managers still laughing)
- ate the vindaloo
-turned the xmas tree into "Freddie Mercurtree" with glasses and fake stache

Offenses against the LARPers
-suggested better places to stick the binding runes
-flipped out on a unicorn
-made them add more rules about combat
-dropped puns at the Inquisition

Offenses against the roomates
-Ferric Chloride in the tub
-spent yeast from the beer in the sink
-pewter on the ceiling
-the bone dust incident

Offenses against the Scadians
-KO'ing tricks with a greatsword
-every knife kill that sent people to therapy.
-tieing up the household's roaming gnome statue like a gimp and hanging him in the spare tent

Actual confirmed fact; I was there. The others fit the behavior profile.

Yeah, but that's not a sin.

The jury is out on the pun thing, I'd have to see an example.

Well, I'm leaving the East Coast.  Fuck this place.

The last straw was not being able to get a decent order of eggs benedict.  Halfass foodstuffs in Kennedy country for fucksake. 

It is all figured out though, I am moving to Alaska.

There's no place like Nome for the Holedaise.

PENANCE REVOKED!

SEE YA IN DISNEYLAND! 

[Richter]

Offenses against the Co workers:
-told the girl who just bought a house he life was now "50 shades of beige"
-requested a sexual harrasment workshop when I felt my own double entendre were not degrading enough
-wore a sheepskin vest.  publically posted a rebuttal to the vegans.  (Managers still laughing)
- ate the vindaloo
-turned the xmas tree into "Freddie Mercurtree" with glasses and fake stache

Offenses against the LARPers
-suggested better places to stick the binding runes
-flipped out on a unicorn
-made them add more rules about combat
-dropped puns at the Inquisition

Offenses against the roomates
-Ferric Chloride in the tub
-spent yeast from the beer in the sink
-pewter on the ceiling
-the bone dust incident

Offenses against the Scadians
-KO'ing tricks with a greatsword
-every knife kill that sent people to therapy.
-tieing up the household's roaming gnome statue like a gimp and hanging him in the spare tent

Actual confirmed fact; I was there. The others fit the behavior profile.

Yeah, but that's not a sin.

The jury is out on the pun thing, I'd have to see an example.

Well, I'm leaving the East Coast.  Fuck this place.

The last straw was not being able to get a decent order of eggs benedict.  Halfass foodstuffs in Kennedy country for fucksake. 

It is all figured out though, I am moving to Alaska.

There's no place like Nome for the Holedaise.

PENANCE REVOKED!

SEE YA IN DISNEYLAND! 

I was never given penance activities in the first place!

GODDAMMIT.

Fine, but when they eject me (again) for self flagellating in the name of Jiminy Cricket I'm telling them it was your idea.

[Remington]

Haven't posted on PD since July, and only a few posts then.

Penance me up!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Haven't posted on PD since July, and only a few posts then.

Penance me up!

You will smile and be nice to the dumbest person - and I don't mean intellectually challenged, I mean the biggest DUMBASS - you run into each day, for a day for every week in which you have neglected The One True Church.

[Luna]

Offenses against the Co workers:
-told the girl who just bought a house he life was now "50 shades of beige"
-requested a sexual harrasment workshop when I felt my own double entendre were not degrading enough
-wore a sheepskin vest.  publically posted a rebuttal to the vegans.  (Managers still laughing)
- ate the vindaloo
-turned the xmas tree into "Freddie Mercurtree" with glasses and fake stache

Offenses against the LARPers
-suggested better places to stick the binding runes
-flipped out on a unicorn
-made them add more rules about combat
-dropped puns at the Inquisition

Offenses against the roomates
-Ferric Chloride in the tub
-spent yeast from the beer in the sink
-pewter on the ceiling
-the bone dust incident

Offenses against the Scadians
-KO'ing tricks with a greatsword
-every knife kill that sent people to therapy.
-tieing up the household's roaming gnome statue like a gimp and hanging him in the spare tent

Actual confirmed fact; I was there. The others fit the behavior profile.

Yeah, but that's not a sin.

The jury is out on the pun thing, I'd have to see an example.

Well, I'm leaving the East Coast.  Fuck this place.

The last straw was not being able to get a decent order of eggs benedict.  Halfass foodstuffs in Kennedy country for fucksake. 

It is all figured out though, I am moving to Alaska.

There's no place like Nome for the Holedaise.

PENANCE REVOKED!

SEE YA IN DISNEYLAND! 

I was never given penance activities in the first place!

GODDAMMIT.

Fine, but when they eject me (again) for self flagellating in the name of Jiminy Cricket I'm telling them it was your idea.

If they tell you that you're not allowed to self flagellate, I will happily wield the whip for you.

Bastard texted that one to me.

I was at work.

In front of the boss.

I was mid-conversation with the boyfriend regarding plans for the night, so I glanced at the phone.

I then had to EXPLAIN to my new boss of less than a month WHY I was stifling snickers so bad my ears popped.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Haven't posted on PD since July, and only a few posts then.

Penance me up!

You will smile and be nice to the dumbest person - and I don't mean intellectually challenged, I mean the biggest DUMBASS - you run into each day, for a day for every week in which you have neglected The One True Church.

YOU HEAR ME, IRON CURTAIN BOI?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

He fears my Holiness™.  And my WRATH!

[Remington]

Haven't posted on PD since July, and only a few posts then.

Penance me up!

You will smile and be nice to the dumbest person - and I don't mean intellectually challenged, I mean the biggest DUMBASS - you run into each day, for a day for every week in which you have neglected The One True Church.

YOU HEAR ME, IRON CURTAIN BOI?

I ACCEPT YOUR PENANCE, HOLY MAN!

IT SHALL BE DONE!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Haven't posted on PD since July, and only a few posts then.

Penance me up!

You will smile and be nice to the dumbest person - and I don't mean intellectually challenged, I mean the biggest DUMBASS - you run into each day, for a day for every week in which you have neglected The One True Church.

YOU HEAR ME, IRON CURTAIN BOI?

I ACCEPT YOUR PENANCE, HOLY MAN!

IT SHALL BE DONE!

Please to report the funnier results.