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"An Exhausted Donald Trump To Take A 3-Day Vacation From His Golfing Vacation"

As per the article: "Donald Trump said that while he's on his 17-day vacation he will be 'working hard' but instead, he has lashed out at the media, his critics and threatened to start a nuclear war with North Korea. All of that tweeting and golfing has exhausted the 71-year-old former reality show star already. It's not the end of his vacation yet, but he's already planning a three-night stay in New York upon leaving his luxury golf club in Bedminster, N.J. on Sunday, then he'll return to his vacation after he takes a vacation from his vacation – or something like that."

Here's the link: http://deepstatenation.com/2017/08/an-exhausted-donald-trump-to-take-a-3-day-vacation-from-his-golfing-vacation/

Who hasn't needed a vacation from their vacation? I'm sure the good people of NYC will be out in force to demonstrate their sympathy for the head of the Trump Crime Family.

I want him to keep golfing. The best case scenario with Trump is complete dereliction of office that effectively leaves us with no president instead of Trump or Pence as president.

Trump is worse than nothing,, and we must not forget that.

A strange cross of fantasy and hard science fiction chronicling the construction of a large underwater building by merfolk (or possibly deep ones). The story's main focus is on how construction methods and culture realistically would be different for a naturally aquatic race living underwater. The tower itself for example is 100 stories tall but made primarily of wood; bouyancy (combined with a lack of need to make the structure totally watertight like an air breathing race would need to) would allow wooden structures to be built ridiculously tall, provided that they could source the wood (so maybe I should go with deep ones over merfolk on this) and could stabilize it so that it doesn't snap in the current

Short skit: A parody of those campy old adverts for horror films that warn about test audiences having passed out from from fright and needed to be hospitalized. This one is an ad for a porno, and it warns that several members of test audiences developed priapism and had to be hospitalized. It ends with the standard viagta/cialis disclaimer, "Consult a doctor if you experience a prolonged painful erection lasting more than four hours"

Aliens come to steal the planet's water but conveniently the amount needed to fill up their tanks is just enough to cancel out the projected effects of global warming related sea level rise. They are unexpectedly hailed as heroes.

I prefer to side against both sides

"Please update your account to enable fortune"

I don't know the reputation of the 'researchers,' so I wouldn't accept the following article at face value. Still, I did find it amusing.

"What do Trump's tweets say about his personality?"

"Researchers analyze tweets of Donald J. Trump and compare his personality traits with other influential business leaders"

As per the article (bold type mine): "Their results indicate that Trump is indeed a distinct type of person who shows strong features of a so-called Schumpeterian personality that is said to be typical of successful entrepreneurs. This personality was described by Joseph Schumpeter in the 1930s as being very creative, change-orientated, competitive and rule-breaking. The analysis further indicates that Trump has neurotic tendencies, and experiences underlying low well-being."

Here's the link: http://www.springer.com/gp/about-springer/media/research-news/all-english-research-news/what-do-trump-s-tweets-say-about-his-personality--/13326212

What do you want to bet that "Schumpeterian personality" turns out have basically the same definition as one of the Cluster B personality disorders?

Wow! That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. PETA makes Trump supporters look lucid.

An Osmosis Jones-esque cartoon in which an organ transplant is a metaphor for immigration and a xenophobic white blood cell must be reined in by an anthropomorphic anti-rejection medication

EDIT:
another idea:

this is just a gag idea, not a story idea, but I'd like to see a bit in some piece set back in the early to mid 20th century in which a rotary phone is used to connect to a fictional old timey version of some modern smartphone app. Like J Edgar Hoover is on some kind of old-timey version of grindr where the portraits are replaced with a verbal description

EDIT:
another idea:

gag character: A guy who's nationalist but not racist. He goes around doing things like insisting people switch to Puerto Rican-style Spanish and ranting about how chop suey is better than authentic chinese food.

That is exactly why I use bluray disks and flash drives for backups instead of cloud storage

Some ideas:

*Comedy skit: A televangelist openly calls upon the power of mammon

*Character: A heart failure patient in ancient Greece is kept alive by a retro-futuristic life support device consisting of four copper tubes, two archimedes screws and a rotating team of slaves to turn the cranks (2 apparatuses, one goes: tube from vena cava -> screwpump -> tube to pulmonary arteries, the other goes: tube from pulmonary veins -> screw pump -> aorta)

*Comedy skit: The Count from Sesame Street ruins Halloween by accusing everyone of cultural appropriation

EDIT:

*satirical comedy skit: a group of birds are watching a news program (possibly based on one of the shows on Fox News Channel, possibly based on a normal local news program of the sort that reports semi-exclusively on murders and other felonies) hosted by scarecrows

EDIT:

*Schoolchildren bring a snowman to life by reciting a passage from the Necronomicon. Mayhem ensues

I recommend switching to postimage

Comedy skit: After correcting a person for referring to a whale as a "fish" a pedant is cornered by an even more pedantic biologist who starts an argument about monophyletic clades

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ

postimg maybe