Ask Bella

[Mangrove]

Thanks, Mang. I'll probably be speaking with her this afternoon and I'll ask her if she's willing to accept this mission. There's nothing she enjoys more than messing with someone via writing.

[mr burns]  excellent..... [mr burns]

I suspect that whatever Demonica comes up with will be devilishly effective, but if not, you can always contact your credit card company.  They might be interested in a company that does not accept their card, but won't delete it either

good idea eld. 'an epistle to the mastercardeons from mangrove xvii'

[Zurtok Khan]

Dear Bella,

I did something very naughty the other day.  My friend (actually 3 of my friends) are going on a Mormon Mission to spread the word, and all that pretentious shit.  So, I'm online saturday night, and friend comes online.  

Friend: Wanna hear something crazy?
Me: There are crazy things I haven't heard?  Sure.
F: I'm going to the MTC (the place where mormon's are taught propaganda, avoid at all costs.  All males placed within are forbidden from even knowing that they have genitals, or that anyone else has genitals) in like 85 hours!
M: So, what else is going on?
F: Err...uhh...I'm leaving for two years dude.
M: Really?  So how's the rest of your family.
F: Uhh...they're fine.  Look, I have to go.
M: Alright, have fun Jesusing in Albania for two years. (on another note did Jesus ever go to Albania?  And, if so, do you think it's rude to think that YOU could do it better then HIM?)

This conversation really DID happen.  So...what do you think Bella?

Or anyone else, I won't get snappy...this time...

[BADGE OF HONOR]

I think that, if they're that enthusiastic, and you're not, you weren't really all that friendly.  At least, that's my experience.

[Bella]

Dear Khan,

I think your friend is so much into the Mormon mindset that he can't even comprehend someone not being excited for him to go. Hence Badger's comment that you guys weren't all that friendly to begin with.  And I also think it will be a great and grand thing for him to go to Albania where most people don't believe exactly the same things he does. Hopefully, he'll be one of the lucky ones who has his eyes and his mind opened by the experience.

[Horab Fibslager]

sadly, he'll probaly take pity on the unforgiven heathens milling about doign heathen things. especially the coffee drinkers. he'll feel genuine compassion adn sympathy for those unloved by his lord and saviour jesus christ . he'll work day and night and find the confiction and faith he needs to get thorugh and save just one more soul.

[CORNHOLIO]

Auntie Bella, how come grown ups fight over stupid stuff,  when they yell it gives me a headache

[Bella]

sadly, he'll probaly take pity on the unforgiven heathens milling about doign heathen things. especially the coffee drinkers. he'll feel genuine compassion adn sympathy for those unloved by his lord and saviour jesus christ . he'll work day and night and find the confiction and faith he needs to get thorugh and save just one more soul.

Sadly, I imagine you're right.  

[Bella]

Auntie Bella, how come grown ups fight over stupid stuff,  when they yell it gives me a headache

I don't know. It gives me a headache, too.

[illusion]

Dear Bella,

Why did you buy that nasty instant oatmeal stuff you know I hate when you knew I was going to eat breakfast at your house today?

[agent compassion]

Dear Illusion,

Maybe Bella is so fried from the heatwaves that she just couldn't bear to cook regular oatmeal, and was hoping in vain that the quality of instant oatmeal had improved of late.

[illusion]

Good point. I probably just should have had icecream for breakfast, like she did, huh?

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

...

[agent compassion]

I probably just should have had icecream for breakfast, like she did, huh?

A typical service of icecream is a couple hundred calories and contains all the nutrition of regular milk, plus whatever else is in there. As breakfasts go, you could do a lot worse than icecream. But it has to be GOOD icecream, not store brand or generic which is full of preservatives and stabilizers and very little actual ingredients. I recommend Ben & Jerry's, or Tillamook.

[Bella]

It was Dreyers, which is about the best we can buy around here.
I hate that generic brand crap - better to eat a little bit of good icecream than a lot of the bad stuff.

[East Coast Hustle]

Tillamook is fuckin' righteous stuff.

love their brown cow, and they make the ONLY strawberry ice cream you will ever find me stuffing my face with.