Hey Dok, frankly I don’t give a……

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Let's talk about the south and the "southern belle".  Many people see movies like "Fried Green Tomatoes" or "The Secret's of the YaYa Sisterhood" and think that is what a modern southern belle is.  They couldn't be farther from the truth.

The south doesn't want their daughters raised like Scarlett, they want Melanie.  Sweet, gentile, compromising, forgiving, enabling, the very picture of southern grace and charm.

Grace and charm...... grace and charm.... sounds like cake ingredients doesn't it?  A pinch of grace and a dash of charm and stir.  What are little girls made of?  Sugar and spice and everything nice?

And this, these ideas, these archaic beliefs that women are fragile and unable to stand up for themselves, that women are stupid.  Where do they come from?  Well we all know where they originated, problem is few people realize just how much they are continued in the south.  Yes even today. 

They teach you that you know.  In charm school.  And yes it is called charm school.  You start when you are in the first grade.  The first things they teach you is how to sit, stand, walk, talk, what to do with your hands during any situation, how to shake hands, how never to cross your legs at the knee, but to tuck them to the side crossed at the ankles.  Then they move into meals and tables, how to set a table for 1-12 courses, 5 to 500 people.  What piece of cutlery goes with what food.  When to have finger bowls and when not to. Menus and music for any size event.  What to wear and when to wear it because no self respecting southern girl wears white shoes after labor day by god and won't put on a pair again until Easter Sunday. 

Then, starting around 4th grade, they start with the how to be stupid classes.  Well not how to be stupid, just how to make everyone around you think you are.  Well not everyone, just men.  And they tell you it's to keep the men happy.  That way they can feel all big and macho taking care of the "little woman".  You learn how to avert your eyes and laugh a little when asked about something you know damn well how to do, but it's a man's job to do it.  They teach you how to appear interested in what "the man" is interested in.  They give you just enough information on a variety of topics to make you either dangerous or stupid.  Then they show you how to turn it to stupid.  You learn how to be touchy feely.  How to lightly place your hand on the man's arm or shoulder to keep his attention because men are physical beings you know.   As for taking care of your man, well now why do you think we all still cook the way we do?  Keep 'em fat and happy!! (wink wink)

And so many women don't know how to be strong, or that they are even allowed to be.  They are scared and many are miserable and in miserable situations because they don't have any idea what to do on their own.  Mothers and friends will tell a woman with a cheating husband to be "more generous" in the bedroom.  They will tell a woman who has been beaten by her spouse to avoid the things that set him off and to make the home a safe, quiet place for him to come home to.  If they even hear about the abuse at all because in the south, what happens behind closed doors stays there.  God help the person who breaks that sanctity. 

I'm not in a position to talk.  I didn't leave the bullshit behind closed doors.  My dirty laundry was all over for the world to see.  They didn't actually come and take away my "southern belle tiara" but they may as well have.  Nobody and I mean absolutely nobody can do the "shunning" better than the south.  Once that door is closed, Robert E. Lee back from the dead couldn't open it.  I'm like that divorced cousin everyone wants at their parties to liven up the party but doesn't want to stay the night.

And then we come to today.  I haven't lived in the south for a couple of decades but I know they still offer these classes because if nothing else, southerners are serious about their roots and their traditions.  There are still cotillions and sweet 16 balls.  And because I get a letter every year letting me know that they are still holding a place for my daughter and it's never too late to start.

But what have these idiotic ideas of how a woman should act, talk, walk, dress, speak affected the women of the south?  Well actually it is not as bad as one might think.  Why you ask?  Because we learned the pretend to be stupid thing really well.  Very few realize just how smart we are!  And as for my generation, they won't learn it from us!  Because as long as you keep on thinking I'm stupid, I can keep on surprising you!

As for my daughter?  Well I keep trying to convince a certain hero of mine to start her own version of "Charm School" that will teach my daughter to kick ass and take names and wear whatever fucking color of shoes she wants year round! 

[Doktor Howl]

Fuck yeah.

Gonna make sure TGG reads this.

[East Coast Hustle]

Hell yeah. I despise the attitude that women are somehow weaker and more fragile than men. Awesome to see that seed not being able to take root in the next generation.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I like this a lot.

I'd say that it doesn't just apply to the South, either.

[Richter]

I ask myself what kind of boy man would like this stylized, intentionally useless presentation.  Why would I ever want to be involved with this stereotypical "southern belle"?  Why would anyone?

People are weak.  They like flattery, they like feeling smarter, superior.  They don't stop to wonder how much of a facade, how much a public face they're dealing with. 

Believe the lie, it's a NICE one. 
Accept the lie, encourage the lie, marry the lie and send your daughter off to the charm school to become a lie so someone else can have a lie.   

The Japanese, IIRC, call a person's public face / persona a "tatami".  "Tatami" also refers to a floor mat. 

I'd rather deal with people than floor mats myself. 

[Jasper]

It's sad, but this is tantamount to society demanding a certain amount of duplicity.  Put that way, some of you are thinking "well herp and/or derp, Siggy" but it pays to wonder why society does that and whether it's necessary.  The societal conventions around here intentionally eschew this sort of lie, so we know that the lie isn't somehow integral. 

The Japanese "floor mat" is the lie staring us straight in the face.  The whole system of behavior is not merely a legacy of the Victorian era, it's deeper than that.  I think it's the part of human nature that just wants contrived social conventions to exist for the purpose of identifying outsiders so that they can be indoctrinated or ostracized.

[Juana]

I'd say that it doesn't just apply to the South, either.

This. My grandmother from Nebraska is biiiiig into the this. My mom, like Out of Order, fought against it, though.


And good on you for refusing to pass that along, Out of Order!

[Eater of Clowns]

Oh wow, this is good.

And I can't help but wonder whether this would be dangerous as a weapon.  For the girl to go to charm school and learn how to present herself as this dated ideal but maintaining a sharp wit, etc.  It would be a rude awakening to expect a typical southern belle and find a strong, confident, adjusted woman.

Not that I would ever advocate putting a girl through this just to hone her because that's exactly the same sort of thing that they're doing.  It's just interesting to think of.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I ask myself what kind of boy man would like this stylized, intentionally useless presentation.  Why would I ever want to be involved with this stereotypical "southern belle"?  Why would anyone?

People are weak.  They like flattery, they like feeling smarter, superior.  They don't stop to wonder how much of a facade, how much a public face they're dealing with. 

Believe the lie, it's a NICE one. 
Accept the lie, encourage the lie, marry the lie and send your daughter off to the charm school to become a lie so someone else can have a lie.   

The Japanese, IIRC, call a person's public face / persona a "tatami".  "Tatami" also refers to a floor mat. 

I'd rather deal with people than floor mats myself. 

Well, I can give you quite a few examples..... George Bush (Sr AND Jr).  I'm sure it is what Bill Clinton wanted....  Bet he was thrown for a loop.  The recent scandal with a certain Georgian Politician....  Hell most southern politicians have don't fuck with the staus quo wives, most ezpecially southern ones.....

Oh wow, this is good.

And I can't help but wonder whether this would be dangerous as a weapon.  For the girl to go to charm school and learn how to present herself as this dated ideal but maintaining a sharp wit, etc.  It would be a rude awakening to expect a typical southern belle and find a strong, confident, adjusted woman.

Not that I would ever advocate putting a girl through this just to hone her because that's exactly the same sort of thing that they're doing.  It's just interesting to think of.

Well, in my own personal experience, you tend to get divorced..... 

I'm a constant surprise to people who take the time to get to know me. 

[ThatGreenGentleman]

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!! WOMEN ARE WAY STRONGER THAN MEN!!!!! WE CAN PUSH OUT A BABY FROM OUR WOMB! IF MEN TRIED THAT THEY'D BE CRYING THE FUCKING CORNER AND GOING TO THERAPY!!!!!!!!!   

[Nast]

Well, I could push a baby from someone else's womb.

[ThatGreenGentleman]

Well, I could push a baby from someone else's womb.

[BadBeast]

Interesting. (And I'm not even a woman) I suppose it traces it's roots back to the Archaic Upper Class "Finishing Schools for young Ladies" of the European Merchant Classes. Sons could follow you into the family business, inherit the Country Estate, basically whatever they wanted. But Daughters? You had to Marry them off, and Marry them off as well as you could, preferably to an Aristo. Which meant training her in Courtly, and Genteel behaviour. The Art of non-challenging conversation, how to entertain, which knife and fork to use, how to dance delightfully, how to swoon, how and when to smile coquettishly, and to whom, how to behave in a manner befitting a refined, well brought up, and above all, Marriageable Debutante. The Southern Tradition is a cultural nod to the fact that although America is the "New World",
some of it's settlers were from "rather better stock" than the hordes of dispossessed refugees, flooding across the Atlantic from a War torn, famine stricken Europe, with no more than the shirts on their backs.

[Jenne]

  And Nigel's right...I grew up in a struggling middle class family in the Bible belt of Southern California, and I was taught many many things from the OP.  Basically, that women, like children, were to be "seen and not heard."  But I turned out pretty much 180' from that, and am therefore a constant disappointment to the family that reared me.

But fuck me running with a chainsaw backwards if I'm EVER going to kowtow to that backwards, insular, ignorant way of dealing with people, ever again.  It's bullshit, through and through.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Two of the toughest people I know are both women. One is my mom, and the other is the girl I love.