A Cat Diary (for Malaul)

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Found on the internets somewhere.....

A Cat Diary

DAY 752 -- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 -- Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 -- Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 -- Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan......

DAY 768 -- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 -- There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage....

DAY 774 -- I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

[Cain]

My sis showed me that once, she's cat crazy.  Still brilliant though.

[Bella]

This is cool, Hugh.  

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Heh, normally I can't stand when people talk about their pets or any sort of pet related shit but this was alright.

[Malaul]

hheheheeee
this always makes me giggle
you ever find the one about how to wash a cat?
it involves rubber glovers, eye protection and a toilet


nice

[East Coast Hustle]

I chuckle.

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

The next step on the barf agenda is in your shoes, let this be your warning  

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

The next step on the barf agenda is in your shoes, let this be your warning  

No. They wouldn't do that do me. They really don't like flying against their will.

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

The next step on the barf agenda is in your shoes, let this be your warning  

No. They wouldn't do that do me. They really don't like flying against their will.

None of my cats have ever done that to me, but they have done it to my hubby and my step dad  

[East Coast Hustle]

No. They wouldn't do that do me. They really don't like flying against their will.

I read that as "they really don't like flying against the wall."

[LMNO]

That, too.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

No. They wouldn't do that do me. They really don't like flying against their will.

I read that as "they really don't like flying against the wall."

Perhaps you know what I meant.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

No. They wouldn't do that do me. They really don't like flying against their will.

I read that as "they really don't like flying against the wall."

Or joining the string section...

[LMNO]

Or for playing a game of tennis?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

No. They wouldn't do that do me. They really don't like flying against their will.

I read that as "they really don't like flying against the wall."

Or joining the string section...

Too bad for their fear I don't play nor care about the one guitar I actually own.

The trumpet scares the shit out of them for some reason though. Maybe it's because they figured out that I know how to use gristle to lubricate the valves.