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Shameless Slander #4: Cain

Started by Doktor Howl, May 06, 2015, 05:52:38 PM

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Doktor Howl

Cain lives OUTSIDE OF THE DOME, in some island nation where nothing makes sense and everyone pretends it does.  Well, at least the people who make decisions pretends it does, but not even they take themselves seriously.  Not really.  Cain does some odd form of work involving posh kids who have learning disabilities with respect to rules, common sense, and anything remotely touching on a moral compass.  Their beady little eyes roll up into their empty little heads whenever someone says anything about compassion or ethics...And most of their handlers have been chosen to reinforce this behavior, whether or not they realize it. 

What's really happening:  Cain is in Hell.  We don't know why, but whatever it was must have been pretty bad.  It is probably worth looking up who died the same day he was "born". 

It's worth noting that, like Boston, his city has a haunted subway system that doesn't obey physics or any other inconvenient scientific principles.  Rumor has it that there's a lost train that can take you from hell to Boston, though this does not appear to be a significant upgrade.  There is also a tunnel to Wales, though of course nobody uses it.

I feel that Cain knows he is damned, and doesn't particularly care.  He's an educated man, and he knows the Truth...Hell is full, and long ago overflowed into the living world like a septic tank in Kentucky.  Even if he escaped, he'd still be neck deep in shit AND he would lose the certainty of his days.  I mean, what's outside of Hell?  Texas and France.

What would YOU do? 
Molon Lube

LMNO

Hold on... Didn't you say that Hell was Tucson?


Which means Cain is in Tucson...





Which means I give it three months before he takes over...




RUN WHILE YOU STILL HAVE LEGS!

Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on May 06, 2015, 06:16:54 PM
Hold on... Didn't you say that Hell was Tucson?


Which means Cain is in Tucson...





Which means I give it three months before he takes over...




RUN WHILE YOU STILL HAVE LEGS!

Tucson is heck.  It's where you go when you were kinda bad.  And it's (technically) INSIDE THE DOME.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Also, I would love to have Cain as our autocrat. 

Even if he gives me what I deserve.  I'd still pay money.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Reginald Ret

Cain does not take over.
He gets several of his puppets to fight over the power while controlling them all.
It doesn't matter which puppets wins...
It doesn't matter if they keep fighting forever...
It doesn't matter if a violent revolution would take over, for they too will be one of Cain's puppets...

This only happens because Cain mods all his games until they become challenging even for him.
Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

Eater of Clowns

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.

Tucson is everywhere.
Cain is everywhere.
The bag is in the bag.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Q. G. Pennyworth

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 06, 2015, 11:13:18 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.

Tucson is everywhere.
Cain is everywhere.
The bag is in the bag.

If you open the Cain you find bag.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on May 06, 2015, 11:25:23 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 06, 2015, 11:13:18 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.

Tucson is everywhere.
Cain is everywhere.
The bag is in the bag.

If you open the Cain you find bag.

He has to get the stains out.  Nigel knows more about this than I do.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2015, 12:30:29 AM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on May 06, 2015, 11:25:23 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 06, 2015, 11:13:18 PM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 06, 2015, 08:14:59 PM
Perhaps it is not that Cain is in Tucson, but rather, that Tucson is in Cain.

Tucson is everywhere.
Cain is everywhere.
The bag is in the bag.

If you open the Cain you find bag.

He has to get the stains out.  Nigel knows more about this than I do.

Shhhh

we don't  talk now.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Cain

 :lol:

100% accurate.  I have pretty much accepted that this is a modern version of endlessly rolling that rock up a hill, the sort of demented activity only the most cruelly inventive demon could come up, quite possibly the same demon responsible for reality TV, party political broadcasts and the popularity of crappy comic books turned into crappy movies.

When I shall find the demon responsible, I have a specially sharpened ruler waiting for him.  You learn some tricks in this business...