News:

News:  0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 377 610 987 1597 2584 4181 6765 10946 17711 28657, motherfuckers.

Main Menu

Epistle Four: On the Human Condition.

Started by LMNO, March 08, 2005, 01:10:41 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1 2
User actions

LMNO

March 08, 2005, 01:10:41 PM Last Edit: January 21, 2014, 02:23:12 PM by LMNO, PhD (life continues)
 Welcome to Eris' House of Meat!  How may I help you?

"One personal human tragedy, please."

What?  You again?  What are you doing back here so soon?

"I don't have to tell you.  I just need my order."

Why are you so desperate for this?  Have you been drinking cheap red wine again?

"Well, yes.  What does that have to do with anything?"

Look.  We have cheerfully given you everything you asked for.  Intelligence, an education, creativity, curiosity — Hell, Eris Herself re-designed your face after that car crash.  We gave you desire, a touch of mysticism, we even gave you a glimpse of what love could be like.  Then, a couple of years ago, you wandered in here, looking like a little puppy, and said you wanted your life to be Interesting.

"I never said that."

Bullshit you didn't.  I got your ticket right here, buddy: 'My life is getting pretty boring, what can you do about it?'  That is your signature, isn't it?

"Well, yeah, but — "

Well yeah, nothing!  We pointed you to the door, we gave you the map, we even gave you the keys to the building!  You can't lay the blame at our feet because you're too much of wimp to walk out of there.

"I wasn't looking to lay blame."

The hell you weren't.  Your tragedy is your own, buddy.  We're all sold out.  You can't come in here, looking to escape your problems by blaming a mythic anthropomorphic personification of chaos.  Even if She is cute.  Hush.  Let me finish.  Yes, you are trying to escape your personal Drama, the one you created, the one you live in, the one you feel is so unfair. See, we've been watching you.  We see how you long for change, but constantly fall short.  Always looking for handouts, aren't you?  You plead & whine about how unfair the situation you're in is, and then you wait around until someone reaches down & drags you out of there.  And still you drag your feet!

"Hey, now, wait a minute — "

Shut up!  How many times, in how many ways, do we have to tell you to get the fuck out of your pigsty of personal bullshit & fuckin LIVE YOUR GODDAMN LIFE already?  If you recall, we even buckled under and sent three messengers, and we got word this morning that you tried throwing the third one away already.  Already!  Not even a week after we gave her the order!  Eris must really care about you.  Anyone else who tried pulling this crap on Her would have gotten an anvil dropped on their head years ago.  So just turn around, and walk on out of here, buddy.  Your money ain't no good here.

"So you're not gonna help me?"

Help you?  We don't help people.  We never have.  Here at Eris' House of Meat, we give the domesticated apes what they think they need to survive & move on.  We're not here to make things easy.  Does no one ever read the fine print?  You got what you asked for, and we gave you what you need.  Now stop shooting yourself in the foot, & go & make things right.  And try to have some fun while you're at it.

"Fine.  Thanks for nothing."

Fuck you.  And lay off the cheap wine, already.

East Coast Hustle

#1
March 08, 2005, 03:24:47 PM
moral of the story: do NEVER drink cheap wine.

8)
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

#2
March 08, 2005, 03:35:18 PM
Funny, I thought the moral of the story was:

Never ask Eris, Goddess of Chaos and Discord, to make your life more interesting.  And most especially don't ask her 3 times  :shock:

East Coast Hustle

#3
March 08, 2005, 03:41:42 PM
well, you were wrong. Never drinking cheap wine is ultimately FAR more important and relevant than anything to do with some imaginary greek chick who likes to cause trouble.

8)
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Malaul

#4
March 08, 2005, 06:37:06 PM
Quote from: LMNOwe got word this morning that you tried throwing the third one away already.  Already!  
Third times the charm Buddy, you better start paying attention to the Messengers! Goddess only knows what Eris will send next time instead...
Coito ergo sum
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.  --Comedian Chris Rock

agent compassion

#5
March 08, 2005, 08:08:26 PM
She's only imaginary until she shows up with a big fat pile of disorder with your name on it, buddy.

8)

'I'll take you out for a meal with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche. Do you want some?' - ++++++ Moon

East Coast Hustle

#6
March 08, 2005, 08:13:30 PM
I'm still waiting...

8)
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

agent compassion

#7
March 08, 2005, 08:14:15 PM
Quote from: Bed, Bathory's Sainthood and BeyondI'm still waiting...


:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

'I'll take you out for a meal with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche. Do you want some?' - ++++++ Moon

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
March 08, 2005, 09:39:54 PM
Quote from: agent compassionShe's only imaginary until she shows up with a big fat pile of disorder with your name on it, buddy.

8)

This is the correct special delivery to TGRR on 3/8/5.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
January 20, 2014, 07:25:05 PM
Bump.  OP needs to have the formatting fixed.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

#10
January 20, 2014, 08:14:47 PM
It's weird when you forget the things you've written.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
January 20, 2014, 08:15:27 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 20, 2014, 08:14:47 PM
It's weird when you forget the things you've written.

You're telling me?   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Left

#12
January 21, 2014, 10:55:24 AM
I like this a lot...

Hope was the thing with feathers.
I smacked it with a hammer until it was red and squashy

LMNO

#13
January 21, 2014, 01:41:22 PM
Reformatted.  I can't for the life of me remember what I was so upset about that day.

The Good Reverend Roger

#14
January 21, 2014, 02:17:32 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 21, 2014, 01:41:22 PM
Reformatted.  I can't for the life of me remember what I was so upset about that day.

Missed a spot.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
Print
Go Up Pages1 2
User actions