A Sermon for 21st Century America, #2

[Doktor Howl]

Friends, you - yes YOU - stand accused of having TOO MUCH FUN.  What's really funny about that is that the accusation stands even if you aren't having any fun at all.  Even if you are broke and worried about where your next meal is coming from...Even if you couldn't get laid in a MORGUE...Even if you HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A PARTY IN YOUR LIFE, you are having TOO MUCH FUN.

This is, after all, America; the land of GUILT and SELF-RIGHTEOUS ANGER.  The land of PUNISHMENT.  The nation that allows you to be free, just so long as you don't exercise any of that freedom.  How many times have you heard some po'bucker grouse about people "abusing the freedom of speech"?  Well, I'm here to tell you that if you CAN abuse it, it ISN'T a right.

But that's not all I'm here to tell you.  I'm also here to tell you that I AM having too much fun, and I'm PROUD of it; As Martin Luther said, "Here I stand giggling my arse off, I can do no other."  And I will not suffer yahoos with permanent cases of "Angry Town Hall Face" telling me that I am wrong to do so.  No, in fact when they DO tell me that I'm wrong, I have MORE fun at their expense.  This makes me guilty.  I'm okay with that.

"But what about the children?  Well, what about them?  Is my BAD EXAMPLE standing in the way of those children becoming more joyless punishment freaks for the world to deal with?  Good.  The thing that these people do not seem to be grasping is that I am a SUPERIOR MUTANT and I really don't share their values. 

Because, when you stop and think about it, what are their values?  Drudgery.  Work for its own sake.  Sending our kids off to be blown to bits, and calling it "supporting the troops".  Constant outrage at anyone who doesn't fit the cookie-cutter BULLSHIT standards that THEY somehow have the moral authority to impose on everyone else.  Well, fuck them...Because, as Senator Jim "anything for a laugh" Inhofe (R-Crazytown) once said, "I am outraged at the outrage!"  How DARE these puling, simpering PRIMATES tell ME what to do?  How DARE they criticize and condemn MY FREEDOM to say what I want, believe what I want, and/or use BIG, RED STRAPS in the privacy of my own front yard, with the consenting mutant of my choice?

So what do we do when the No Fun Patrol comes around?  Well, we've already been told that...But I will repeat it, for those of you who were too busy getting your monkey on to pay attention.  Orton Nenslo gave us "Shut Up", to shove in the faces of busybodies.  Robert Anton Wilson gave us "NO", when they tell us to behave.  Doktor Howl gave us "I WILL KILL A MOTHERFUCKER" when they insist.  And Doktor Legume gave us more extreme measures, when they simply won't listen.  And G Gordon Gordon gave us the proper methods by which to dispose of the results.

Now, I'm not saying that we emulate Doktor Legume (unless things get REALLY serious).  Not everyone has the stomach to "Fargo" the Pinks, and the paperwork can be a chore.  But for shit's sake, the LEAST you can do is tell them NO and SHUT UP and bray spittle and laughter in their pinched, miserable faces.  Because it doesn't matter if they're right wing born-agains or left wing tumblr Nazis, nobody actually ever gave them any authority over you.  Except maybe you.

And if you did, maybe you'd better stop.

Or Kill Me.









 

[hooplala]

Rah rah siss boom bah!

Just what I needed to read today.

If Howl didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

[LMNO]

Yeah, buddy!

[P3nT4gR4m]

RAAAR! Fuck 'em. If they don't like it - fuck 'em again

[Ben Shapiro]

BRB, going to punch every MtG player I see while wearing only underwear, and a Sailor Moon shirt.

[Doktor Howl]

BRB, going to punch every MtG player I see while wearing only underwear, and a Sailor Moon shirt.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

[Reginald Ret]

Well said.

[Eater of Clowns]

Shit yes. Very well done, Roger.

EoC,
couldn't get laid in a MORGUE

[Doktor Howl]

Shit yes. Very well done, Roger.

EoC,
couldn't get laid in a MORGUE

Duh.  Your species is extinct.

[Eater of Clowns]

Shit yes. Very well done, Roger.

EoC,
couldn't get laid in a MORGUE

Duh.  Your species is extinct.

I outlasted them so far by figuring out which plants were the right ones to eat. It's squishy ones that run away.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

RAH!

And

Shit yes. Very well done, Roger.

EoC,
couldn't get laid in a MORGUE

Duh.  Your species is extinct.

I outlasted them so far by figuring out which plants were the right ones to eat. It's squishy ones that run away.