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Time was.

Started by Pæs, June 27, 2014, 11:08:01 AM

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Pæs

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment

I found an old Tool CD and dropped it into the player while tidying my new house. Haven't listened to it in years. Time was, I would be adventuring at this time of night, alone or with a small band of like-minded dropkicks.

We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside

Time was, I could climb a tree and quietly sing this to myself, feeling as though I could maintain an awareness of the death of each moment as it passed.

This holy reality, this holy experience.

Time was, I would spend days at a time in my own head, attempting some form of introspective cartography to help me find my way around, trying to build a foundation upon which I could build a sound rationale for finally going to work, despite my days of absence already costing me my job.

Choosing to be here in this body.

Time was, I would absorb the words of men the world said were wise, collecting tidbits of this wisdom as a bird might gather twigs for its nest. I don't know how successful this construction would have been, had I not built it from scraps of idea shared by spags here.

This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in this body

Time was, I named the pursuit of Truth greater than all else. I was a purist. I was a guru. I was an insufferable twit.

This body holding me. Feeling eternal; all this pain is an illusion.

Time was, I couldn't imagine where I might be in five years, five weeks or five days. Time was, time was elusive.

Alive, I

Time was, Time was, I could climb a tree and quietly sing this to myself, feeling as though I could maintain an awareness of the death of each moment as it passed. And this is all I was doing with them.

In this holy reality, in this holy experience.

I got an email some time ago, in which a smug mystic challenged my faith in reality. Fuck that guy. It was a delayed-sending email from myself in 2009, observing that the email was memory now and asking whether it was always. Fuck that guy, fuck that guy.

Choosing to be here in this body.

Fuck that guy. He couldn't have guessed. I have a house and a wife and I get up every morning, put on a suit and catch the train to my office. Fuck that broke, drifting guy and his stupid stubborn refusal to compromise on only trusting Absolute Truth, a concept he failed to define.

This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in this body.

This body holding me, feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion.

Time was, I was mired in Cartesian duality. And thought this all meant something. Fuck that guy.

Twirling round with this familiar parable.

Spinning, weaving round each new experience.


Fuck that guy, though. Absolute truth is a crock of shit and I can continue to reassemble the bars of my cell, while keeping it comfortable inside. Pragmatism over purism.

Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.

And now I can change the CD.

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

Because I'm happy

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth


LMNO

Well written.  I enjoyd reading that.

Pæs

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on June 27, 2014, 11:33:03 AM
Well written.  I enjoyd reading that.
Cheers. I had a bout of nostalgia I thought I should write through.

The Good Reverend Roger

Well, the good news is, it's only tough to compromise your principles and ideals the first time.  After than it just keeps getting easier.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Junkenstein

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 27, 2014, 01:52:37 PM
Well, the good news is, it's only tough to compromise your principles and ideals the first time.  After than it just keeps getting easier.

How odd. Personally, the first time was the hardest for me and after that I've pretty stubbornly refused to do so again.

Nice piece Paes, more of this attitude to nostalgia would benefit many people.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

minuspace

That was awesome, the wind-down made me think of Jim O'Rourke - And a 1, 2, 3, 4:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Awa_9C82gZU

Pæs

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 27, 2014, 01:52:37 PM
Well, the good news is, it's only tough to compromise your principles and ideals the first time.  After than it just keeps getting easier.

Those ideals and principles were stupid and unhelpful. That fucking guy used them to lead to VEGANISM of all things. Fuck that guy.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

PAES

Right there with you, man.

I don't know whether the past me would recognize the now me, or respect me, or envy me, or admire me. I wouldn't choose to re-enter the personal torment past me suffered on a regular basis, but I can offer past me compassion, because I was a dumbass, but I was a good kid.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Roly Poly Oly-Garch

This is kind of gorgeous.
Back to the fecal matter in the pool

Pæs

I kinda hope that everyone came away with "Happy" stuck in their heads.

minuspace