OPEN BAR: Top 10 things millenials hate about OB that we didn't know last week!

[POFP]

What it sounds like is that he's trying to isolate his GF.

Sort of like Von Melee did with Nurse Mayhem.

No. Isolation is what her parents used to make sure she could never have any relationships, healthy or not, with other people. It was my nudges that got her out into the world of making friends. Keeping her away from her obviously abusive parents is a step in the moral direction.

I'm not qualified to diagnose antisocial personality disorders but even if I was I imagine you'd find a way to rationalise away any such criticism.

"Disorder" tends to imply a lack of self-awareness, or lack of awareness of one's actions on other people and situations. I think I'm quite aware of the consequences that my actions create for myself and others. The only times my views damage me or my relationships with other people are when my views are expressed, openly, to others. I could've kept quiet and you'd have never known the difference. At least I put it out in the open for all to analyze and criticize. I could just internalize it and hate myself, leading to emotional instability and heinous crime, or blame others for my problems and live in useless squalor. Your criticisms are far more valuable to me than compartmentalization.

I will live my life the way I choose, and I will eventually meet my maker. Same as any of you.

that doesn't seem to fit with any definition of mental disorder I've ever heard of, which is generally determined by whether or not a pattern of behavior poses a threat to the well-being of oneself or others. This kind of stuff might get you what you want, but it subjugating your gfs agency in her own life aint good for her, especially if your intent is to help her be a "more confident and assertive person". stuff like that never happens from the outside in. It takes a lot of supporting a person to do that for themselves, confidence and self-esteem isn't something you can beat into someone until they "get it".

I wasn't defining a mental disorder. I was defining an aspect of a mental disorder. For it to be a disorder, especially if it is a personality deficiency, it is generally made worse, or caused by a lack of self-awareness. The threat to oneself can be caused by the lack of self-awareness. Hence, psychopaths will do whatever to get what they want while disregarding consequences to themselves and others. This is mostly because they aren't very aware of themselves, or the fact that other people have feelings.

You're right. That's why, most of the time, I'm using carefully crafted suggestions and ideas to give her similar epiphanies that I had. I'm not forceful. I know how confidence and self-esteem work. I employ methods to increase those when I can to make an idea more, or less (If I'm trying to keep her away from a harmful idea) absorbable.

Dude, you might want to unfuck yourself. It really sounds like you view your girlfriend as some manner of accessory instead of an actual person. You sound like someone who took some freshman level philosophy courses with a swelled head trying to gain a disciple to the one true way of rational skepticalism. You sound emotionally manipulative.

I see my girlfriend as a person with feelings. Feelings that are constantly being hurt by the situations she keeps putting herself into, or by situations she can't get herself out of. I'm giving her an out.

Emotionally manipulative is what her parents are. I tend not to employ that kind of manipulation because it's more explosive and causes lots of collateral damage. I like precision.

Fact:  You're a domestic abuser waiting to happen.

I'll take your harshness as a sign that you have a predisposed opinion of me that is twisting your perspective, as well as a sign that you lack a clear enough perspective of the situation to have a relevant opinion. My frankness when it comes to describing people and relationships is misleading to those who look for behavioral/psychological insight and connotation in peoples' interpersonal vocabulary.

You're in a relationship with someone whose opinions and feelings you don't demonstrate any caring and rather demonstrate condescension towards her. There are all kinds of level of abuse. The frequent disapproval and negation of decisions and feelings is one of them.

I don't demonstrate them to you. This is a forum, over which people communicate through written language. You are incapable of seeing the way I treat my girlfriend in person, as well as incapable of knowing how I care for her. I have simply given examples of how I see her refusal to reason and solve her problems as counter-active to her progress in life and intellectual gain.

I can't tell whether to cut this putative shithead more slack because he's on some level just a naive kid, or whether to just give the fuck up on it and block him so I don't have to read any more of his authentically stupid shit.

If my posts are so stressful, then at least block me until you don't have as much shit to deal with at home. I won't be offended, naive kid or not.

I read Fernando's posts as falling into a trap I've seen way too often with my nerdy friends growing up - fetishizing logic.

He believes he knows the logical, rational way his girlfriend should be living her life. Therefore she should just do it because logic is the most important thing.

The problem is, human beings don't give a fuck about logic. Nor should they. There's no inherent good in living 'logically'. In fact, most people live emotionally and impulsively, and that's just fine. Reason has its place as a decision-making tool, but if you only ever live life doing what is 'rational' or 'logical', you're not going to do very much living at all.

I don't think he's an abuser waiting to happen; I just think he's a bit arrogant in believing he's worked out how this whole 'life' thing is supposed to go, and he finds it frustrating that other people seem to have different priorities that lead to different outcomes.

We try to teach our children to behave as rationally as possible while still being able to relate healthily to other people. There is a healthy balance, and it does not involve refusal to solve problems because it makes it emotionally easier to deal with for a short time. I am trying to help her go at her own pace. It takes time to nudge her in the direction of making the life SHE WANTS easier to achieve. I don't have a life plan for her. I couldn't possibly have one for her because her interests and skills will change as she gets older. I know what she tells me she wants, and I know methods of getting those things. Methods that are easily within her grasp. Honestly, the whole situation I was describing earlier wasn't even as big of a deal as I made it sound. I'm not rushing her into a set of decisions. I've just been suggesting them, and I was expressing my frustration at the fact that she is unwilling to take the first step.

[Demolition Squid]

Why do parenting methods have anything at all to do with your relationship to your girlfriend in your mind?

Leaving aside that you're totally wrong about parenting methods, that's a creepy place your mind went to, bro.

[Bruno]

So this is what PUA Phase II looks like!

[Eater of Clowns]

This has all the markings of what sounds like it'll be your first big failure. I hope when it inevitably goes wrong you're able to learn the differences between being right and doing the right thing, and from there take a positive step toward growing as a person. Because you're not really selling very many people here on the whole you're a person thing.

[rong]

it would be interesting if the girlfriend in question were also involved in this discussion

[Faust]

He is really young, so there is that. But if you think your partner is stupid thats a pretty clear that she would be better suited to a partner who wont think things like that about her.

[LMNO]

Cain, why you gotta be doing cool shit in real time when I'm not at a computer?

[Cain]

Cain, why you gotta be doing cool shit in real time when I'm not at a computer?

I might do some more today.  When you around? My plan is to advance the Skyrim one to the point where I can do a (Youtube) lets play of two mods installed.

[LMNO]

I'm usually IRL on the weekend, which in this millennia means I'll only be using my phone.


Monday, I'll be working from home 7:30-4:00 Eastern (NY time). Of course, don't feel obligated to frame your sessions around that.

[Cain]

That could work.  I'm not doing anything Monday, and that would mean streaming from about midday onwards.

It's easier for me to stream for Amerispags over the weekend though, due to the fucked up internet policies of this place.  After midnight the cable connection switches off...though the wireless internet does not.  Unfortunately, the wireless is a bit...crap compared to the cable.  But on the weekends, the cable stays on, all Friday and Saturday night.

[Cain]

And I've just applied for two more jobs.  One is in Scotland, while the other is in Montenegro.

You can guess which one I'd prefer to get.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

If my posts are so stressful, then at least block me until you don't have as much shit to deal with at home. I won't be offended, naive kid or not.

They're not stressful, they're just a waste of time. People who think they have everything all figured out for everyone generally are.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

So this is what PUA Phase II looks like!

I always wondered what would happen if a PUA actually managed to land the type of girl who falls for negging.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

it would be interesting if the girlfriend in question were also involved in this discussion

It really would, wouldn't it?

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

When I was 17-18 I was kicked around by no fewer than three guys who were functionally identical to Fernando Poo.

She will grow up and hate you and everything you did to her and every moment she spent with you. If you're very, very lucky she will not attempt to kill herself as a direct result of her interactions with you.