Porn Mad Libs (warning: slightly squicky. Potentially NWS.)

[LMNO]

From my NaNoWriMo novel, with any non-TOS words removed.  Feel free to "insert" your own, & repost!



,ĶEd turned to the stocky guy, and said, ,ÄúDave, I,Äôm going to be here a while.  Why don,Äôt you go back to Paul, and work over that little redheaded _______until this boy here is softened up a little more.  You won,Äôt even recognize him.,Äù  Ed reached back, and brought his free hand down with a smack on the upturned cheek of Steve,Äôs _______.  ,ÄúIsn,Äôt that right, _______?,Äù  Dave just nodded, and left the two to their own devices.  Or Ed,Äôs devices, anyway.  He reached between Steve,Äôs legs and found his flaccid _______, still sticky with Sarah,Äôs _______.  He pushed his other hand deeper into Steve,Äôs _______, and began prodding his _______, wanting to humiliate this hairless _______as well as abuse him.  His touch suddenly became surprisingly gentle, as his fingers traced Steve,Äôs soft _______, and caressed his low-hanging _______, just minutes ago begging to spill their _______.  Steve could feel his _______ begin to accommodate the man,Äôs fingers, and even though the burning hadn,Äôt really subsided, he could feel the manipulations of his _______and _______beginning to have the mechanical biological effect Ed was looking for.  Steve tried to will away his _______, but was unable to fight the sensations emanating from his _______.

Ed chuckled.  ,ÄúLooks like you,Äôre kinda familiar with this stuff, huh?  Don,Äôt worry kid, you,Äôll get yours.  Maybe.,Äù  Ed withdrew the two fingers from Steve,Äôs _______, spat a thick wad of spit and phlegm directly into his swiftly-closing _______, and then added another finger to the mix, driving his hand back into Steve,Äôs _______.  Steve groaned, the conflicting sensations of the fingers stretching his burning _______and his hard _______making him dizzy, and nauseous.  Ed let go of Steve,Äôs ______, and gave him another vicious slap across the _______, Steve,Äôs reaction being to grind his hips into the pommel horse, trying to escape the sting, and the grinding once again giving himself pleasure as he rubbed against the soft leather.  Steve thought he knew what was coming next, and there didn,Äôt seem to be any way out of it, so he tried his best not to struggle, hoping his attacker would be brief.

When Ed felt his _______compliance, he knew he had won the first round. Now, to break him down further.  God, I love doing this, he thought.  He drew his hand from his _______almost completely, tucked his thumb into his palm, and savagely thrust back inside with all four fingers, pushing hard to get his thumb past the muscled ring of Steve,Äôs _______.  He could instantly feel Steve tense up again, and he yelled in pain.  ,ÄúShut up!,Äù shouted Ed, grabbing Steve by the hair and slamming his face down on the pommel horse again, fresh blood spurting out of his nose and dripping off the floor.  Ed dragged his hand through the puddle of blood collecting on the pommel, and then grasped his own hard _______, a thin but lengthy piece of savagery now bright red, and lubricated with Steve,Äôs blood.  Ed played with _______for a minute, trying to force the rest of his hand into Steve,Äôs _______, and then, releasing his _______and making a fist, punched the small of Steve,Äôs back as hard as he could.  Steve,Äôs body spasmed, and Ed jammed his other hand as hard as he could into his _______.  Steve felt something tear in his _______, and then an enormous mass was filling him up.  He tried to scream, but couldn,Äôt get any air into his lungs, and when Ed saw him try to regain his breath, he smashed Steve,Äôs face into the pommel horse again.  Ed felt the tight warmth of this boy,Äôs _______wrapped around his fist, and Ed,Äôs _______got even harder when he saw his wrist rimmed with a line of red.  Little _______,Äôs _______will never be the same, he grinned to himself.  He looked around for someone to share his little victory with, but Dave had already headed back to Paul, apparently.  Ah well, Ed thought, more _______for me.  Grinning, he started working his hand deeper.

[Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ]

right...filled in the blanks



,ĶEd turned to the stocky guy, and said, ,ÄúDave, I,Äôm going to be here a while. Why don,Äôt you go back to Paul, and work over that little redheaded tube sock until this boy here is softened up a little more. You won,Äôt even recognize him.,Äù Ed reached back, and brought his free hand down with a smack on the upturned cheek of Steve,Äôs muffin. ,ÄúIsn,Äôt that right, Squeegee?,Äù Dave just nodded, and left the two to their own devices. Or Ed,Äôs devices, anyway. He reached between Steve,Äôs legs and found his flaccid Erlenmeyer flask, still sticky with Sarah,Äôs shampoo. He pushed his other hand deeper into Steve,Äôs wallet, and began prodding his credit card, wanting to humiliate this hairless kumquat as well as abuse him. His touch suddenly became surprisingly gentle, as his fingers traced Steve,Äôs soft razor blade, and caressed his low-hanging tree branch, just minutes ago begging to spill their nachos. Steve could feel his pet hamster begin to accommodate the man,Äôs fingers, and even though the burning hadn,Äôt really subsided, he could feel the manipulations of his corkscrew and spoon beginning to have the mechanical biological effect Ed was looking for. Steve tried to will away his pants, but was unable to fight the sensations emanating from his magic wand.

Ed chuckled. ,ÄúLooks like you,Äôre kinda familiar with this stuff, huh? Don,Äôt worry kid, you,Äôll get yours. Maybe.,Äù Ed withdrew the two fingers from Steve,Äôs eyesocket, spat a thick wad of spit and phlegm directly into his swiftly-closing lunchbox, and then added another finger to the mix, driving his hand back into Steve,Äôs tin foil hat. Steve groaned, the conflicting sensations of the fingers stretching his burning shoeand his hard sandwichmaking him dizzy, and nauseous. Ed let go of Steve,Äôs ______, and gave him another vicious slap across the penguin, Steve,Äôs reaction being to grind his hips into the pommel horse, trying to escape the sting, and the grinding once again giving himself pleasure as he rubbed against the soft leather. Steve thought he knew what was coming next, and there didn,Äôt seem to be any way out of it, so he tried his best not to struggle, hoping his attacker would be brief.

When Ed felt his odorous compliance, he knew he had won the first round. Now, to break him down further. God, I love doing this, he thought. He drew his hand from his holster almost completely, tucked his thumb into his palm, and savagely thrust back inside with all four fingers, pushing hard to get his thumb past the muscled ring of Steve,Äôs tomato. He could instantly feel Steve tense up again, and he yelled in pain. ,ÄúShut up!,Äù shouted Ed, grabbing Steve by the hair and slamming his face down on the pommel horse again, fresh blood spurting out of his nose and dripping off the floor. Ed dragged his hand through the puddle of blood collecting on the pommel, and then grasped his own hard hammer, a thin but lengthy piece of savagery now bright red, and lubricated with Steve,Äôs blood. Ed played with his dolls for a minute, trying to force the rest of his hand into Steve,Äôs sister, and then, releasing his potato and making a fist, punched the small of Steve,Äôs back as hard as he could. Steve,Äôs body spasmed, and Ed jammed his other hand as hard as he could into his mother. Steve felt something tear in his empty black emo soul, and then an enormous mass was filling him up. He tried to scream, but couldn,Äôt get any air into his lungs, and when Ed saw him try to regain his breath, he smashed Steve,Äôs face into the pommel horse again. Ed felt the tight warmth of this boy,Äôs cereal bar wrapped around his fist, and Ed,Äôs souffl?© got even harder when he saw his wrist rimmed with a line of red. Little whore,Äôsmammoth will never be the same, he grinned to himself. He looked around for someone to share his little victory with, but Dave had already headed back to Paul, apparently. Ah well, Ed thought, more dinner for me. Grinning, he started working his hand deeper.

[LMNO]

Steve felt something tear in his empty black emo soul,

Winner!

Oh, and you missed one.

[Horab Fibslager]

omfgwtfbbq.

i hoep you're happy you two. you jsut killed any chance of anything being funnier. ever.


kind aliek seing your dead granny nekkid, and yet sadder and better, simultaneous.

[Bella]

omfgwtfbbq.

i hoep you're happy you two. you jsut killed any chance of anything being funnier. ever.
kind aliek seing your dead granny nekkid, and yet sadder and better, simultaneous.

No kidding.
I was going to do one with a Christmas/Santa's helper type theme, but now I'm scared.

[Buddha's Ghost Penis]

THIS IS LONG HELLO? AND EYE HURTING! PLEASE TO NOTE THAT WE ARE NO LONGER SUPERSIZE AS THAT IS THE CANCER CAUSING FAT GUTTEDNESS! NO NO! BAD EVIL FATTY! WE WILL REDUCE YOUR SIZE NOW! YES!@ SUPER SIZE IS UNHELLO! PLEASE TO NOTE OUR FASCIST FRENCH FRIES ARE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD CITIZEN!

[The Doctor]

Steve tried to will away his pants, but was unable to fight the sensations emanating from his magic wand.

Genius.

[Buddha's Ghost Penis]

THIS IS LONG HELLO? AND EYE HURTING! PLEASE TO NOTE THAT WE ARE NO LONGER SUPERSIZE AS THAT IS THE CANCER CAUSING FAT GUTTEDNESS! NO NO! BAD EVIL FATTY! WE WILL REDUCE YOUR SIZE NOW! YES!@ SUPER SIZE IS UNHELLO! PLEASE TO NOTE OUR FASCIST FRENCH FRIES ARE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD CITIZEN!

HELLO? UNHELLO?

[Slyph]

,ĶEd turned to the stocky guy, and said, ,ÄúDave, I,Äôm going to be here a while. Why don,Äôt you go back to Paul, and work over that little redheaded stepchild until this boy here is softened up a little more. You won,Äôt even recognize him.,Äù Ed reached back, and brought his free hand down with a smack on the upturned cheek of Steve,Äôs Crashed Vespa Scooter. ,ÄúIsn,Äôt that right, My Big Nosed Chum?,Äù Dave just nodded, and left the two to their own devices. Or Ed,Äôs devices, anyway. He reached between Steve,Äôs legs and found his flaccid CASIO personal organizer, still sticky with Sarah,Äôs Stomach Bile and Fresh Arterial Blood. He pushed his other hand deeper into Steve,Äôs Gaping, Cyclopean Cat-Flap, and began prodding his superfluous nipple, wanting to humiliate this hairless slapheaded baldy nonce as well as abuse him. His touch suddenly became surprisingly gentle, as his fingers traced Steve,Äôs soft Double quilted new bounty kitchen paper and caressed his low-hanging Sweet Chariot, come to carry me home, just minutes ago begging to spill their Load of thumbtack. Steve could feel his gideon bible begin to accommodate the man,Äôs fingers, and even though the burning hadn,Äôt really subsided, he could feel the manipulations of his Dirty Clothes and tablecloth beginning to have the mechanical biological effect Ed was looking for. Steve tried to will away his laundry but was unable to fight the sensations emanating from his washing machine.

Ed chuckled. ,ÄúLooks like you,Äôre kinda familiar with this stuff, huh? Don,Äôt worry kid, you,Äôll get yours. Maybe.,Äù Ed withdrew the two fingers from Steve,Äôs hand with a penknife and considerable force, spat a thick wad of spit and phlegm directly into his swiftly-closing Spittoon, and then added another finger to the mix, driving his hand back into Steve,Äôs Urethra. Steve groaned, the conflicting sensations of the fingers stretching his burning Wicker Man and his hard knock life making him dizzy, and nauseous. Ed let go of Steve,Äôs tonsils , and gave him another vicious slap across the Internets, Steve,Äôs reaction being to grind his hips into the pommel horse, trying to escape the sting, and the grinding once again giving himself pleasure as he rubbed against the soft leather. Steve thought he knew what was coming next, and there didn,Äôt seem to be any way out of it, so he tried his best not to struggle, hoping his attacker would be brief.

When Ed felt his Lawyer begin to negotiate compliance, he knew he had won the first round. Now, to break him down further. God, I love doing this, he thought. He drew his hand from his eyesocket almost completely, tucked his thumb into his palm, and savagely thrust back inside with all four fingers, pushing hard to get his thumb past the muscled ring of Steve,Äôs Wrestling arena. He could instantly feel Steve tense up again, and he yelled in pain. ,ÄúShut up!,Äù shouted Ed, grabbing Steve by the hair and slamming his face down on the pommel horse again, fresh blood spurting out of his nose and dripping off the floor. Ed dragged his hand through the puddle of blood collecting on the pommel, and then grasped his own hard Action Figure, a thin but lengthy piece of savagery now bright red, and lubricated with Steve,Äôs blood. Ed played with a nearby commodore 64 for a minute, trying to force the rest of his hand into Steve,Äôs Urethra , and then, releasing his Country and western album, "When a man Loves a Spanking and making a fist, punched the small of Steve,Äôs back as hard as he could. Steve,Äôs body spasmed, and Ed jammed his other hand as hard as he could into his Wallet. Steve felt something tear in his mint-edition spiderman number 1, and then an enormous mass was filling him up. He tried to scream, but couldn,Äôt get any air into his lungs, and when Ed saw him try to regain his breath, he smashed Steve,Äôs face into the pommel horse again. Ed felt the tight warmth of this boy,Äôs whizzo annual 1934 wrapped around his fist, and Ed,Äôs Varicouse veins got even harder when he saw his wrist rimmed with a line of red. Little Bethlehem,Äôs Premier Youth Hostel will never be the same, he grinned to himself. He looked around for someone to share his little victory with, but Dave had already headed back to Paul, apparently. Ah well, Ed thought, more african war diamonds for me. Grinning, he started working his hand deeper.

(edit) GOD DAMMIT! I didn't really read all of the others and half of my ideas have bindun.

(edit edit) Changed them

[Cain]

3 best lines from that

and gave him another vicious slap across the Internets

When Ed felt his Lawyer begin to negotiate compliance, he knew he had won the first round

and

Ed,Äôs Varicouse veins got even harder

 

[Bella]

,ĶEd turned to the stocky guy, and said, ,ÄúDave, I,Äôm going to be here a while.  Why don,Äôt you go back to Paul, and work over that little redheaded short order cook until this boy here is softened up a little more.  You won,Äôt even recognize him.,Äù  Ed reached back, and brought his free hand down with a smack on the upturned cheek of Steve,Äôs peach pie.  ,ÄúIsn,Äôt that right, my little marshmallow?,Äù  Dave just nodded, and left the two to their own devices.  Or Ed,Äôs devices, anyway.  He reached between Steve,Äôs legs and found his flaccid celery stalk, still sticky with Sarah,Äôs virgin olive oil.  He pushed his other hand deeper into Steve,Äôs yeasty mound of dough, and began prodding his matzo balls, wanting to humiliate this hairless turkey baster as well as abuse him.  His touch suddenly became surprisingly gentle, as his fingers traced Steve,Äôs soft hot cross buns, and caressed his low-hanging copper kettles, just minutes ago begging to spill their sweet and sour soup.  Steve could feel his upsidedown cake begin to accommodate the man,Äôs fingers, and even though the burning hadn,Äôt really subsided, he could feel the manipulations of his garlic press and rolling pin beginning to have the mechanical biological effect Ed was looking for.  Steve tried to will away his stiffened egg whites, but was unable to fight the sensations emanating from his jolly rancher.

Ed chuckled.  ,ÄúLooks like you,Äôre kinda familiar with this stuff, huh?  Don,Äôt worry kid, you,Äôll get yours.  Maybe.,Äù  Ed withdrew the two fingers from Steve,Äôs tenderloin, spat a thick wad of spit and phlegm directly into his swiftly-closing onion ring, and then added another finger to the mix, driving his hand back into Steve,Äôs ground round.  Steve groaned, the conflicting sensations of the fingers stretching his burning huevos rancheros and his hard boiled eggs making him dizzy, and nauseous.  Ed let go of Steve,Äôs apron strings, and gave him another vicious slap across the rumproast, Steve,Äôs reaction being to grind his hips into the pommel horse, trying to escape the sting, and the grinding once again giving himself pleasure as he rubbed against the soft leather.  Steve thought he knew what was coming next, and there didn,Äôt seem to be any way out of it, so he tried his best not to struggle, hoping his attacker would be brief.

When Ed felt his 180 degree compliance, he knew he had won the first round. Now, to break him down further.  God, I love doing this, he thought.  He drew his hand from his oven mitt almost completely, tucked his thumb into his palm, and savagely thrust back inside with all four fingers, pushing hard to get his thumb past the muscled ring of Steve,Äôs double boiler.  He could instantly feel Steve tense up again, and he yelled in pain.  ,ÄúShut up!,Äù shouted Ed, grabbing Steve by the hair and slamming his face down on the pommel horse again, fresh blood spurting out of his nose and dripping off the floor.  Ed dragged his hand through the puddle of blood collecting on the pommel, and then grasped his own hard carrot stick, a thin but lengthy piece of savagery now bright red, and lubricated with Steve,Äôs blood.  Ed played with his food for a minute, trying to force the rest of his hand into Steve,Äôs deep fryer, and then, releasing his apple dumpling and making a fist, punched the small of Steve,Äôs back as hard as he could.  Steve,Äôs body spasmed, and Ed jammed his other hand as hard as he could into his spinach dip.  Steve felt something tear in his sweet potato, and then an enormous mass was filling him up.  He tried to scream, but couldn,Äôt get any air into his lungs, and when Ed saw him try to regain his breath, he smashed Steve,Äôs face into the pommel horse again.  Ed felt the tight warmth of this boy,Äôs angel hair pasta wrapped around his fist, and Ed,Äôs rye crisp got even harder when he saw his wrist rimmed with a line of red.  Little cream puff,Äôs salad shooter will never be the same, he grinned to himself.  He looked around for someone to share his little victory with, but Dave had already headed back to Paul, apparently.  Ah well, Ed thought, more dessert for me.  Grinning, he started working his hand deeper.

[Horab Fibslager]

oh the brutality.

i'm gonna order a pizza! :P

[Bella]

The kitchen is an evil, brutal torture chamber full of sharp things and hot things and equipment designed to grind and/or beat food into submission. That's why I spend as little time in mine as possible  :P

What kind of pizza did you get us?

[The seer]

,ĶEd turned to the stocky guy, and said, ,ÄúDave, I,Äôm going to be here a while.  Why don,Äôt you go back to Paul, and work over that little redheaded Surrealist until this boy here is softened up a little more.  You won,Äôt even recognize him.,Äù  Ed reached back, and brought his free hand down with a smack on the upturned cheek of Steve,Äôs melting clock.  ,ÄúIsn,Äôt that right, Particle man?,Äù  Dave just nodded, and left the two to their own devices.  Or Ed,Äôs devices, anyway.  He reached between Steve,Äôs legs and found his flaccid lyric appendage, still sticky with Sarah,Äôs boild beans.  He pushed his other hand deeper into Steve,Äôs quantum singularity, and began prodding his cubists, wanting to humiliate this hairless hallucination as well as abuse him.  His touch suddenly became surprisingly gentle, as his fingers traced Steve,Äôs soft Narcisus, and caressed his low-hanging collective unconscious, just minutes ago begging to spill their catharsis.  Steve could feel his mind begin to accommodate the man,Äôs fingers, and even though the burning hadn,Äôt really subsided, he could feel the manipulations of his symbols and imagery beginning to have the mechanical biological effect Ed was looking for.  Steve tried to will away his psychotic-episode, but was unable to fight the sensations emanating from his locus-cerelus.

Ed chuckled.  ,ÄúLooks like you,Äôre kinda familiar with this stuff, huh?  Don,Äôt worry kid, you,Äôll get yours.  Maybe.,Äù  Ed withdrew the two fingers from Steve,Äôs mind, spat a thick wad of spit and phlegm directly into his swiftly-closing pineal gland, and then added another finger to the mix, driving his hand back into Steve,Äôs skull.  Steve groaned, the conflicting sensations of the fingers stretching his burning unconscious and his hard realisations making him dizzy, and nauseous.  Ed let go of Steve,Äôs ascending reticular activation system, and gave him another vicious slap across the dream of venus, Steve,Äôs reaction being to grind his hips into the pommel horse, trying to escape the sting, and the grinding once again giving himself pleasure as he rubbed against the soft leather.  Steve thought he knew what was coming next, and there didn,Äôt seem to be any way out of it, so he tried his best not to struggle, hoping his attacker would be brief.

When Ed felt his existential compliance, he knew he had won the first round. Now, to break him down further.  God, I love doing this, he thought.  He drew his hand from his soft construction almost completely, tucked his thumb into his palm, and savagely thrust back inside with all four fingers, pushing hard to get his thumb past the muscled ring of Steve,Äôs purple monkey dishwasher.  He could instantly feel Steve tense up again, and he yelled in pain.  ,ÄúShut up!,Äù shouted Ed, grabbing Steve by the hair and slamming his face down on the pommel horse again, fresh blood spurting out of his nose and dripping off the floor.  Ed dragged his hand through the puddle of blood collecting on the pommel, and then grasped his own hard truth, a thin but lengthy piece of savagery now bright red, and lubricated with Steve,Äôs blood.  Ed played with tiny purple fishes for a minute, trying to force the rest of his hand into Steve,Äôs undulating mental landscape, and then, releasing his frontal lobe and making a fist, punched the small of Steve,Äôs back as hard as he could.  Steve,Äôs body spasmed, and Ed jammed his other hand as hard as he could into his brain.  Steve felt something tear in his mind, and then an enormous mass was filling him up.  He tried to scream, but couldn,Äôt get any air into his lungs, and when Ed saw him try to regain his breath, he smashed Steve,Äôs face into the pommel horse again.  Ed felt the tight warmth of this boy,Äôs head wrapped around his fist, and Ed,Äôs reality got even harder when he saw his wrist rimmed with a line of red.  Little salvador,Äôs sanity will never be the same, he grinned to himself.  He looked around for someone to share his little victory with, but Dave had already headed back to Paul, apparently.  Ah well, Ed thought, more unreality for me.  Grinning, he started working his hand deeper.

[Subtract Eight!]

Ed played with a nearby commodore 64 for a minute, trying to force the rest of his hand into Steve,Äôs Urethra

This would be hard.


heh, hard.