My Little Pony: Satanism is Magic

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

  I tried to ignore it. I thought it was just another stupid internet fad. But as time passed it became all to clear to me that this... thing is going to be here for a very long time. MY LITTLE PONY. Its growing hard to find a forum without discussion of it, I see sprays of it in FPS games and now it seems even Apple Talk has fallen under its spell.

  I cant ignore this anymore. I have resolved to finally watch My Little Pony.

EPISODE 1

[/b][/u]  The show starts by explaining the mythology of the MLP universe. There were two princess unicorns, one ruled over the day, the other night. The night princess got mad because everyone slept whenever she was out so one day she refused to end the night. So, the daytime princess/wizard/god sealed her away in the moon with "the elements of MacGuffin".
It sounds a lot like the myth of Horus, sans semen lettuce.



BUT, there is a catch! On the longest day of the thousandth year the evil wizard/pony/princess will escape from the moon and enact her revenge.

  Now are introduced to Twilight Sparkle, a student of the Princess who much prefers reading books to going outside and her indentured male dragon servant Spike. She reads this ancient prophecy and decides that its so important that she needs to tell it to the Princess, even though the Princess was there when all this was happening. The Princess responds by telling her to get out more and assigns her the task of supervising the "Summer Sun Celebration".

  She and her slave ride on a flying carriage to Ponyvile(One day I'm going to found a town called Humanville). This is where the shows thin veneer of girly cuteness starts to peel away and reveal the true horror of the show. The carriage is being pulled by two male Pegasus ponies. When they arrive Twilight Sparkle thanks them and all they do is huff in appreciation, bondage gags preventing intelligible speech.

So far we have seen 3 male characters and all of them have been servants. Later on it becomes apparent that the "Summer Sun Celebration" is less a friendly celebration and more a religous ceremony worshiping the sun. It also happens to be the longest day of the year, AKA the Solstice.
A matriarchal pagan society in which men are slaves. IVE SEEN THIS BEFORE GOD DAMMIT.



   Twilightsparkle and her manservant now make their way to the local apple farm to make sure there will be food accompanying their decadent pagan orgy later. No we are introduced to "Applejack" a pony with southern accent and a cowboy hat. She introduces twilight to the rest of her family including yet another male slave, this time wearing a yoke to signify his social status. Applejack assures Twilight sparkle that there will be plenty of apples for the solstice.

                      Kill me.
                          \


   Now Twilightsparkle has to ensure the weather will be clear for ritual. She tracks down a winged pony named Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash is a tomboyish daredevil who dreams of joining an elite military unit known as the "wonderbolts". She is also a lesbian depending on who you ask. The Wonderbolts just happen to have several propaganda posters plastered around ponyvile urging ponies to join. For what sinister purposes does Equestria even need a military?

  Twilightsparkle continues her day meeting Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, all the while trying to slip away and read more about the ancient prophecy that will kill them all. But the ponies care more about making friends and participating in their godless sun worship.

  Surprise, surprise, the evil pony wizard princess escapes from the moon just as predicted. Rainbow Dash overhears Twilightsparkle talking to herself about the evil "Night Mare Moon" pony and being the good party member that she is, tries to attack her for being a spy. However the other ponies stop her, and they all team up with Twilight to go after the magical Macguffin crystals.

  They go through a dark forest where each pony is tested by a shape shifting Night Mare. One test that caught my eye was when she appeared to Rainbow Dash as the head of the Wonderbolts. She claimed that she wanted Rainbow Dash to join them but only if she abandons her friends. Rainbow Dash doesn't find anything at all odd about this scenario which leads me to think that such tests of loyalty are common in the Pony Waffen
.
  They finally reach the MacGuffin crystals but not before Night Mare can break them. They then defeat her by realizing that the magical MacGuffin powers were within their hearts all along.
Celestia, the princess/sun god of the pony world shows up to congratulate Twilightsparkle on finally making friends. This whole thing it turns out was an elaborate Machiavellian scheme to get Twilight to move out of the house and to stop reading so many damn books. Moral of the story: Fuck reading.



  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a monument to decadence and depravity. It promotes Paganism, male subjugation and homosexuality.  The fact that such a show could even be on air shows how far America has come in it moral decay. I don't know for sure what sinister forces are behind this show, but I have a feeling that the "Brony" subculture was all part of the plan. Call me paranoid if you want, but when the perverse grip of bronydom reaches as far as the former president I think I have the right to be paranoid.

If there's any doubt in your mind about the evil agenda behind My Little Pony, just take a close look at the "Elements of MacGuffinHarmony".



Vote Ron Paul.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Wwwwoooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww dude!






This info needs to be spread.

[Don Coyote]

I.....think I have to watch this show now.


ETA: this should be an informational pamphlet to be left in church foyers.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I.....think I have to watch this show now.


ETA: this should be an informational pamphlet to be left in church foyers.

Agreed.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

See? If that's what the show was about, I'd watch it. Also, I'm concerned the BF may be turning into a Brony. He keeps asking me to ride him.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Holy shit, not only is this awesome, but also it makes me aware that I need to pay more attention to my kids when they try to inform me of shit.

[Faust]

I thought MLP and brony were just code words for pedophiles to use.

[Cramulus]

I.....think I have to watch this show now.


ETA: this should be an informational pamphlet to be left in church foyers.

I think a better place to leave it would be the legislature's office

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

I thought MLP and brony were just code words for pedophiles to use.

Satanist, pedophile, same difference.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satanic_ritual_abuse

[Kai]

Dr. Twilight Sparkle doesn't have much time anymore. She found out early after leaving Ponyville that a professorship at the prestigious Celestia University demands her every waking moment be committed to teaching, bureaucracy, and submitting papers to journals. Sure, her mentor Princess Celestia kept Twilight under her wing for as long as she could, but after several years of graduate school they no longer got along as they had previously. Despite this, Dr. Sparkle is not, say, unhappy....just too busy to be happy. Being a young protégé was easy compared with running a research laboratory. As she got more used to the position and the stress involved, her OCD tendencies skyrocketed. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing for a professor.

Now and again she receives letters from Ponyville, though less and less as time goes on; she used to regularly visit and get together with the old gang at Sugarcube Corner for drinks, but the invites have been coming less and less as her old friends became wrapped up in their personal problems.

Applejack had always been the most determined and indominable sort, but when blight hit her family's orchard 10 years back, the business went belly up. Worse still, she found out that her parents had been stacked to the clouds with loan payments on a second morgage, and there wasn't much to be done about it. The bank came to collect, the old far went up for sale, and now the whole clan is living in an apartment complex in the suburbs, taking second shift janitorial work to pay for rent and Granny Smith's hip replacement.

When Twilight left Ponyville, Fluttershy was doing quite well in her animal rescue service. The number of injuries had increased since automobile roads had replace carriage trails throughout Equestria. But over time the strain of necessary euthanasia caused her to become more and more withdrawn, to the point she was hardly ever seen in public. Her house fell into disrepair, and garden overgrown. Colts walk quietly by even at noon, whispering about the crazy animal lady with the thousand pets. She doesn't take visitors anymore, not even from friends.

With the acclaim of the second Sonic Rainboom, Rainbow Dash became a famous member of the community, and eventually left her job in weather patrol for a spot on the Weatherbolts Flying squad. Unfortunately, a rookie injury put her out of acrobatics for good. She has bounced back quite well, becoming a freelance detective for government sting operations.

Rarity has moved on from Ponyville, now living in a larger city elsewhere. You can often see people wearing her latest styles about in Equestria. It's true she's become a bit of a snob, but she always was one, really. High society only enhanced this feature, along with her need for attention and love. Out of all the old friends, Rarity is the one Twilight receives letters from most frequently, begging Twilight to come visit her in her high-rise apartment, to go out to parties and to the shows with her. Dr. Sparkle has to politefully decline, she's far too busy. She feels sad because she knows Rarity is lonely.

And Pinkie Pie? There was the real tragedy in all this. As the friends drifted away, her life became more and more quiet, so she started spicing things up with a bit of extacy here and there. Every weekend there was a rave going on somewhere in town, and you could be sure she would be there. But then it was meth, and then cocaine and heroin. When Mr. and Mrs. Cake found out she was buying and selling, Pinkie was fired and kicked out to the street. Two years later she was found dead in a dumpster, with a huge smile on her face.

Dr. Sparkle's thoughts turn now and again to her friends, but then they snap back to reality. There's no TIME to day dream, there are lectures to write and professional meetings to plan for and staff meetings to attend. Back to work.

[PeregrineBF]

And then there's Fallout:Equestria. 2034 pages, 608,000 words. It's a good story. Not great, certainly no Harlan Ellison, but better than, say RA Salvatore or Thomas M. Reid.
http://maximillianveers.deviantart.com/art/Fallout-Equestria-eReader-215378302? has the pdf.

[Kai]

And then there's Fallout:Equestria. 2034 pages, 608,000 words. It's a good story. Not great, certainly no Harlan Ellison, but better than, say RA Salvatore or Thomas M. Reid.
http://maximillianveers.deviantart.com/art/Fallout-Equestria-eReader-215378302? has the pdf.

I don't think it could possibly be as good as Shinji and Warhammer 40K, but what I read of it is interesting.

[PeregrineBF]

Apparently End of Ponies may be even better. It's only half done ATM though. I've not read any of it.

Given the popularity of the meme (it's been the top meme on knowyourmeme.com for months...) we can almost certainly subvert it. One Sentence Meme Bombs: Pony edition.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

 

Beautiful.

[Cain]

I am waiting for My Little Brony: Friendship is Satanism, which will explain why bronies have no friends and are doomed to die alone.