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The Tale of Chaminade

Started by Kansai, December 03, 2010, 04:38:36 PM

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Kansai

My friend was bored in his religion class and typed this.  Read it.

   Chaminade was a drone created by the sponges to open windows when it was too chilly so that the

cookies can bake at their own pace.  However, Chaminade secretly invented a salad dressing that would

change the bakery forever.  Fighting his way to the stars, Chaminade drank champagne in order to fuel his

bloodlust for French onion soup.  The Society of Mary Enthusiasts could not tolerate this insolence and

created a loan so large that he could not pay it off within 4 years.  Fortunately, the galactic vegetarian took

a part time job at a gas station long enough to make 120 payments, the equivalent for a pardon.  He snipped

coupons off of soda cans and traded them in for a spaceship which would replace the arm he lost in the

war.  Laser beams fascinated that religious nut.  The cookies were done and found it time to offer themselves

to the almighty crows.  Meanwhile, the Society of Mary Enthusiasts joined forces with the French onion soup

to create a television set which would hypnotize poor Chaminade into becoming a mainstream consumer at

Walgreens.  The lettuce was not fresh and so the dressing was in vain.  That foolish robot forgot to patent

his creation and so the dog ate it.  Chaminade had to travel back in time with the help of his creators, the

sponges, to patent the dressing so that the lettuce could be eaten.  The French onion soup found his

spaceship and stole all of the laser pointers onboard.  Staring at the blackboard with bluegrass in his mouth,

Chaminade wrote "hole" on the wall with a green crayon and traveled back 1 year into the past.  It was to his

dismay that he discovered the dark truth: he had created the sponges.  The drone developed feelings and

exploded into bite-sized pieces.  One of those pieces patented the dressing while the other met the love of

his life, Brandy.  Eventually, all of the shards of metal morphed back into one being like in

Terminator.  Chaminade was reborn 1 year early.  He was going to celebrate his birthday later.  He kissed

Brandy goodbye and clicked his heels while biting his tongue to return home.  With the laser pointers gone,

Chaminade became more ticked off than a clock and knocked over his spaceship with the power of baking

soda in his guts.  The French onion soup was there, ready to blind Chaminade just enough so that he would

have to buy a television in order to see himself at night.  The attack was thwarted as the crows took the

brunt of the attack.  The crows exploded and spewed candy corn all over the French onion soup, thereby

destroying it.  Chaminade couldn't punch the sun, anymore.  Without his spaceship, Chaminade had to face

off against the destructive force known as the Society of Mary Enthusiasts.


   To be continued...


The French onion soup was destroyed without Chaminade's bloodlust, so the champagne expired without a

cause and was properly buried in the vintage cemetery.  The Society of Mary Enthusiasts, without the 2nd

course dish from four star restaurants, decided it was time to close windows so that future cookies would

freeze.  From this, they could force Chaminade to rescue the tasty dough and thus be deactivated by means

of faulty programming.  The crows overheard this plan and flew to Mississippi in order to request

backup.  Meanwhile, Chaminade sat in a chair playing Humpty Dumpty Extreme on the game console he stole

from Toys R Us.  The evil force had reached thirty houses before our beloved robot noticed that his room was

surprisingly cooler.  He rushed into each room of "his" house in order to open the windows, only to look out

and see that the entire neighborhood was transforming into igloos.  The Society of Mary Enthusiasts watched

him work his magic, waiting for him to enter the house that had a built in wallpaper that sings the logical

errors of anything that enters.  As Chaminade was about to enter that specific building, his fate was going to

be sealed.  Fortunately, the crows returned... with Space Straws.  The space straws sucked up the Society

of Mary Enthusiasts and turned them into quince jelly.  The crows enjoyed this on their bread as they

sang "Stairway to Heaven".  Chaminade was free from his spell and returned to where his true home was...

into the sea.  Since he was a drone, after all, he short circuited, died, and killed all of the fish.


      THE END.

The Good Reverend Roger

Unreadable.  Needs white spaces.

(You might consider breaking that up into proper paragraphs.  Just saying.)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Persona Facade

Don't worry reading the story doesn't help it make anymore sense. However, if you want to confuse someone or make them think 'WHY!?' this story is great.
"You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on."
-George Bush

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Persona Facade on December 03, 2010, 04:57:01 PM
Don't worry reading the story doesn't help it make anymore sense. However, if you want to confuse someone or make them think 'WHY!?' this story is great.

I prefer doing that by being a horrible cunt, rather than with word salad.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Golden Applesauce

If that's the same word salad you showed me earlier, you wrote it, not a friend.

At least admit to being the author of your own posts.
Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

Golden Applesauce

Quote from: Persona Facade on December 03, 2010, 04:57:01 PM
Don't worry reading the story doesn't help it make anymore sense. However, if you want to confuse someone or make them think 'WHY!?' this story is great.

No, it doesn't confuse people.  They know exactly what is going on - someone decided to be incoherent for a bit.

Confusion requires both that something not make sense and a perception that it should make sense.
Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Golden Applesauce on December 05, 2010, 05:24:09 AM
Quote from: Persona Facade on December 03, 2010, 04:57:01 PM
Don't worry reading the story doesn't help it make anymore sense. However, if you want to confuse someone or make them think 'WHY!?' this story is great.

No, it doesn't confuse people.  They know exactly what is going on - someone decided to be incoherent for a bit.

Confusion requires both that something not make sense and a perception that it should make sense.

This.

Incoherence and pinealism CAN be done well, but it takes a really subtle touch in order to maintain an element of surprise and confusion. The thing is, most adults have been exposed to enough pinealist nonsense that it entirely lacks the novelty it's pretending to be. If you aspire to do pinealism well, good; practice.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Golden Applesauce on December 05, 2010, 05:22:56 AM
If that's the same word salad you showed me earlier, you wrote it, not a friend.

At least admit to being the author of your own posts.

Figures.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Persona Facade

#9
Quote from: Golden Applesauce on December 05, 2010, 05:22:56 AM
If that's the same word salad you showed me earlier, you wrote it, not a friend.

At least admit to being the author of your own posts.

That it is.
"You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on."
-George Bush

Kansai

The story does have a logic to it.  It is very difficult to see, though.  Most people would just give up on

reading it because of the spacing and call it nonsense.  Hopefully, all of you here are not like that.  Recently,

the person that wrote this story has taken control of this account.  I am that person.  Anyways, I'll add more

spacing to the story so that it's more legible.  This is a story that sounds like crap at first glance (each

individual sentence sounds odd) but it has a faint system of explaining itself.  What this means is that you

could ask any question about the plot or the characters and another sentence in that text will explain it.

Kansai

By the way.  I have received a request to post another one of my works.  Before you say "Oh, God.  Another word salad", be sure to check it out.  You may become flabbergasted at what you find.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Kansai on December 19, 2010, 05:18:29 PM
The story does have a logic to it.  It is very difficult to see, though.  Most people would just give up on

reading it because of the spacing and call it nonsense.  Hopefully, all of you here are not like that.  Recently,

the person that wrote this story has taken control of this account.  I am that person.  Anyways, I'll add more

spacing to the story so that it's more legible.  This is a story that sounds like crap at first glance (each

individual sentence sounds odd) but it has a faint system of explaining itself.  What this means is that you

could ask any question about the plot or the characters and another sentence in that text will explain it.

Oh my god. Are you in grade school? Double spacing the lines is not what anyone meant by "white space". Have you ever heard of the amazing technology called "paragraphs"?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Phox

Quote from: Nigel on December 19, 2010, 07:39:31 PM
Quote from: Kansai on December 19, 2010, 05:18:29 PM
The story does have a logic to it.  It is very difficult to see, though.  Most people would just give up on

reading it because of the spacing and call it nonsense.  Hopefully, all of you here are not like that.  Recently,

the person that wrote this story has taken control of this account.  I am that person.  Anyways, I'll add more

spacing to the story so that it's more legible.  This is a story that sounds like crap at first glance (each

individual sentence sounds odd) but it has a faint system of explaining itself.  What this means is that you

could ask any question about the plot or the characters and another sentence in that text will explain it.

Oh my god. Are you in grade school? Double spacing the lines is not what anyone meant by "white space". Have you ever heard of the amazing technology called "paragraphs"?

B-b-b-but Nigel! Paragraphs give things a semblance of coherence! He can't possibly do that to this masterpiece of linguistic defecation!

Don Coyote

Quote from: Doktor Phox on December 19, 2010, 07:50:33 PM
Quote from: Nigel on December 19, 2010, 07:39:31 PM
Quote from: Kansai on December 19, 2010, 05:18:29 PM
The story does have a logic to it.  It is very difficult to see, though.  Most people would just give up on

reading it because of the spacing and call it nonsense.  Hopefully, all of you here are not like that.  Recently,

the person that wrote this story has taken control of this account.  I am that person.  Anyways, I'll add more

spacing to the story so that it's more legible.  This is a story that sounds like crap at first glance (each

individual sentence sounds odd) but it has a faint system of explaining itself.  What this means is that you

could ask any question about the plot or the characters and another sentence in that text will explain it.

Oh my god. Are you in grade school? Double spacing the lines is not what anyone meant by "white space". Have you ever heard of the amazing technology called "paragraphs"?

B-b-b-but Nigel! Paragraphs give things a semblance of coherence! He can't possibly do that to this masterpiece of linguistic defecation!

Could be worse. Could have double spaced between the words AND the line.