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Dear Internet: How to get your dick wet without raping anybody

Started by Q. G. Pennyworth, October 31, 2014, 01:28:59 AM

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Q. G. Pennyworth

Hi Internet! I heard you're having some problems with the ladies lately. Specifically, the ladies keep saying things about not harassing them on the street or fucking them while they're blackout drunk and some of you are scared this means you will never get to have sex ever. Never fear! I committed horrible crimes in a past life and my penance is to help you awful troglodytes with your problems. If I'm really good this time they'll let me reincarnate as one of those sewage eating microbes instead!


Don't put your dick in anyone that can't talk. Passed out? No dick. Too drunk to words? No dick. Bound and gagged in your basement and you have no idea how they got there? No dick. Also you might want to let them go or something.

Don't put your dick in anyone who refuses to admit they want to fuck. Girl wants you to wheedle her into having sex? Send her packing. You're not a mind reader and if she wants to play consent games she needs to learn how to have that conversation ahead of time or she's just training rapists. And you are not a trainee rapist.

Don't put your dick in anyone who doesn't look happy about it. Some people get weird ideas in their head about "owing" people sex, or someone might be physically intimidated by you, or in a bad space in their head and too messed up to air the problem. Whatever is going on, you do not want your dick involved in it.

Remove your dick immediately from anyone who passes out, goes limp, starts crying, shoves you away, or otherwise withdraws consent. Whatever's going on is not cool. Before you figure out what went wrong, get your dick away from the problem. Problems are dangerous places for penises.

Communicate like a fucking adult. Be clear about the things you want. Make sure your partner knows that the things they want are relevant to your interests, and actually fucking listen to each other. Make sure that "no" and "maybe some other time" are acceptable answers for both parties. You don't have to be in a long term relationship or even be in love or any of that shit to be able to negotiate like grownups.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

What's funny is that I know a shit ton of guys who get mad laid without ever getting their dicks even vaguely near any of those scenarios... in fact, it seems to HELP them get laid!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Sex in those scenarios doesn't seem like any fun, anyway.

Molon Lube

Eater of Clowns

Things you didn't want to know about EoC's dick:  it wants nothing to do with getting wet unless there's trust on both sides of it. Like a dick sandwich on trust bread. Then it's like awww yeeaaah.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 31, 2014, 01:43:27 AM
Things you didn't want to know about EoC's dick:  it wants nothing to do with getting wet unless there's trust on both sides of it. Like a dick sandwich on trust bread. Then it's like awww yeeaaah.

:aaa::1fap:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Johnny

<<My image in some places, is of a monster of some kind who wants to pull a string and manipulate people. Nothing could be further from the truth. People are manipulated; I just want them to be manipulated more effectively.>>

-B.F. Skinner

Q. G. Pennyworth


Doktor Howl

Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."



MMMW


Telarus

Telarus, KSC,
.__.  Keeper of the Contradictory Cephalopod, Zenarchist Swordsman,
(0o)  Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times,
/||\   Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."



Junkenstein

I swear, there's some kind of curse with QG.

Seriously, every time there's a new thread it's always awesome for the first half dozen responses and then something always seems to go horribly, horribly wrong.

Someone get funding, studies should be done here.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.