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Messages - Eater of Clowns

#4456
Quote from: Lyris_Nymphetamine on November 14, 2009, 10:34:17 PMThe number one injury in the prostitution business - Prostitutes are the 2nd biggest market for knee pads in the united states.

Prostitutes are avid volleyball players.
#4457
I folded up a paper towel and secured it over the wound with masking tape so I could continue playing Dark Age of Camelot, which incidentally was the reason for the bleeding because I was playing with my new knife at the same time and not giving it quite the attention it deserved.  Fifteen was a good age for EoC.
#4458
Or Kill Me / Re: Like goatse for your brain!
November 14, 2009, 01:44:12 AM
Quote from: JohNyx on November 14, 2009, 01:33:51 AM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 13, 2009, 10:13:34 PM
When you learn to see the world again after that last one, that's when you're on top of that shit.  Those other two kinds of explosions keep happening but they never touch the mental one.  All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put hodgy podgy back together again.

You've suffered a violent relaxation of the mind, and you're a discordian.

So wait, you sayin discordians are supposed to be stoic?

No, I'm saying once you have that experience there's no going back.
#4459
Discordian Recipes / Re: Dr. Gonzo's
November 14, 2009, 12:14:18 AM
Awesome, I'll pass this on to a friend of mine near Worcester.
#4460
Quote from: Suu on November 13, 2009, 07:47:55 PM
HEAR YE SPAGS

I'm headed to the North this evening. Richter is in charge.

No wait, he'll be gone too.

Fuck.

Um...


EoC is in charge.

God speed you glorious faggots!

:aww:  I will treat it with the same dilligent care and unpaid forced labor of my own barony.
#4461
Or Kill Me / Re: Like goatse for your brain!
November 13, 2009, 10:34:08 PM
Quote from: fomenter on November 13, 2009, 10:29:03 PM
goatse is an anal stretching pic,
the one you mention (the weight lifter) is a prolapsed sphincter, i may be wrong but i have not heard of the prolapse pic being referred to as goatse...

Maybe I should avoid it altogether.
#4462
Quote from: Payne on November 13, 2009, 10:05:15 PM
Glenfiddich is pronounced with a Scottish "CH", like how we do with Loch - a K, softened slightly and pronounced from the back of the mouth and tongue and drawn out slightly longer.

The T in Glenlivet is hard.

Glenmorangie is pronounced Glen-Moran-Jee.

That is ALL spags.

You're lucky I don't come over there and do Scottish things to you with a broken whiskey bottle.

:mittens:
#4463
Or Kill Me / Like goatse for your brain!
November 13, 2009, 10:13:34 PM
Here's some content, possibly for 23ae?  Tell me what you think.

We've all seen goatse.  It's a damn classic.  I don't know where it comes from but like anything there were all these rumors around it when people were talking about it.  One tale, the one that I believe, is that a weightlifter was pushing beyond their limitations, every muscle in their body so tense, especially in the lower body, that the weakest one just let go.  That happened to be the sphincter, so we get that fleshy pink monstrosity staring at us, literally an exploded brown eye, when we're first unfortunate enough to have clicked that link.

That kind of thing happens more than just physically.  We see it emotionally all the time, the I-can't-take-any-more-of-this-shit-and-if-one-more-horrible-thing-happens-I'm-going-to-explode.  Little chemicals are fucking up your insides, they're all out of whack and you'd do god damn anything to right it all.  Then the explosion is with violence or sobbing, sometimes both, it's ugly and it feels so fulfilling at the time and afterwards you're ashamed.

Then sometimes it's a mental thing.  Anger, confusion, shame, sadness, joy, none of them mean anything when that one happens.  One day you're perfectly calm and staring at a pen wondering what the hell it's for, you're relearning the use of hands that you must be borrowing from someone else, like a lobster, and walking around on a floor that you're positive can't actually be there and for fuck's sake it might not be.  You know nothing, all the categorized thoughts and compartmentalized knowledge that you've spent years putting just where they are as if they were some prized collection scatter about your head.  You've got to learn to find them and leave them as they are, follow one to the next because getting them all back together again is another lifetime.

When you learn to see the world again after that last one, that's when you're on top of that shit.  Those other two kinds of explosions keep happening but they never touch the mental one.  All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put hodgy podgy back together again.

You've suffered a violent relaxation of the mind, and you're a discordian.
#4464
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 13, 2009, 05:02:11 PM
I wish to be known as "The Dark God of the Southwest, Enemy of the Realm".

I also wish for Arizona to be renamed "Mordor".  Seriously, the place is just like it.

Also, this:

"There is evil there that does not sleep. The great eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly."
                    \
#4465
My first act as Baron shall be known as the Massacre of Cape Cod.
I decree whaling legal again, and mandatory for all New Bedford residents.
Fall River shall be burnt to the ground and become a bathroom - the only bathroom in the barony.
Residents of New Jersey, Tennessee, Nebraska, and split-level houses shall be shot on sight.
Official Mascot of the Barony is the noble capybara, world's largest rodent and king of all rats, those requesting meetings with Herr Baron EoC are required to bring two capybaras as signs of goodwill - one for the farm where they will graze in the fields of the former town of Acushnet and one for slaughter to dine upon.
Tuesday night is ladies night, barony-wide.
That guy who takes up two parking spots on my street so I can't parallel behind him shall be requested to be more courteous to his neighbors.
Cacoila, linguica, and chorico are to be renamed Kasoylah, Lingweesah, and Shereese respectively to avoid confusion as to how they are pronounced.
Each of the first three daughters in a family are to be named Kasoylah, Lingweesah, and Shereese, with subsequent generations of female offspring adopting the name next in line from her mother's own.
The Madeira Feast is commanded to no longer smell like burnt cheese and sweat.
The woman across the street is to introduce me to her cat.  It's really cute and I want to pet it.
Anyone bringing a cat within 50 yards of Herr Baron EoC is subject to imprisonment, the cat to be cuddled and then dismembered, and the owner to be informed that seriously, I'm allergic and that wasn't cool.
All subjects are commanded to have a nice day, be kind to your fellow man, and don't fuck up because we're watching you.
That is all.
#4466
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone / Re: Things I hate
November 13, 2009, 03:22:11 AM
Fucking none of it, the PBR being an only occasional indulgement.

Not hip at all.
#4467
Quote from: Slanket the Destroyer on November 10, 2009, 09:12:00 PM
UCB was fucking awesome.

http://www.guba.com/watch/2000824003/Making-Money-Ass-Pennieswmv-75-MBytes-yEnc

I can't check it out at work but I'm going to use my incredible powers of deduction to figure it's the ass pennies sketch.

That is seriously one of the best things I've ever seen on television.
#4468
Principia Discussion / Re: 23ae
November 13, 2009, 01:42:24 AM
Some of my favorite novels have had unsympathetic or ambiguous protagonists.  Usually that's intentional though.  If anyone asks I'm trying to pull an Updike.

Well, Cram was trying to keep this relatively on point so I'm all for splitting the thread where it got off track.
#4469
Principia Discussion / Re: 23ae
November 13, 2009, 01:18:33 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2009, 12:53:41 AMOh, I'm not worried. That was more fair warning. I will almost certainly mock it if you post it there, as well. Not because I don't like you, but because I don't like your protagonist or your storyline, and it really doesn't matter when it's a NaNoWriMo project because no one will ever read it anyway, but if you post it publicly as some sort of "discordian work" I will feel obliged to publicly express my feelings about having the memory of Emperor Norton reduced to a hack storyline. Only two kinds of people declare themselves Emperor; pretentious twats and crazy people. Sorry, man.

I'm amazed by how frequently people only fall into two categories.  They'll either miss the reference or they'll skip the story.  Declaring oneself Emperor is either crazy or pretentious.  Nobody ever could act or react for reasons beyond these.

The storyline could be hack and the writing is probably shitty and maybe it's not a very good "discordian work" (any of which are assumptions based on very little) but the way you guys are acting I sort've expect to be excommunicated as a heretic.
#4470
Principia Discussion / Re: 23ae
November 13, 2009, 12:42:27 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 13, 2009, 12:11:06 AMWhat shitty situation in life?

It's not like it has to be good, it's just NaNoWriMo. Kudos to you for even being on track with your word count and all that shit. It just seems like you'll reap nothing but mockery if you post it on 23ae.

Does it matter the situation?  I mean, you seem to have very much decided how you feel about it.  I doubt anything I could answer that with would suffice.

I'm not trying to make it good, I'm keeping it readable for my own sake.  I'm having fun with it and I thought the selection I put up was a fun passage.  If it's not the kind of thing we're looking to put on 23ae then I won't, plain and simple, it was an attempt at a contribution because I don't have much time to come up with another one when I'm doing NaNoWriMo.

If you're worried about the mockery I would reap from 23ae why are you unconcerned with contributing to it here?