Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: Eater of Clowns on December 09, 2009, 03:46:56 AM

Title: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Eater of Clowns on December 09, 2009, 03:46:56 AM
I respect you, really I do.  I place a good deal of credit in the revival of craft brewing in this country with the success of Sam Adams.  You weren't the first to do it, but I think you played a big hand in its popularity.  I think that you have a live feed of hop fields in Germany to have up to date weather information is fantastic, and that you bought a surplus of hops during the shortage to sell at a loss to other microbrews was a great gesture.  I like your commercials and that catchy tune that plays in the background.  I like that when you gave your speech at the 2008 Octoberfest I'm pretty sure you were drunk.

But our relationship is tumultuous at best, Jim.  Quality seems to be taking a dive.  There was a time when your seasonals were only available in New England and summer wasn't summer without Summer Ale.  Winter Lager was one of my favorite beers and I could ignore Spring Wheat because your Oktoberfest kept getting tastier.  They just aren't as fresh anymore; this year's Summer Ale tasted like piss and I don't mind telling you, but this year's Winter Lager is one of your best in some time.  Nothing has become more stressful in the season changes than that first Sam Adams to find out if my safe standby for the next few months will be your own or if I'll have to find another.

I'm a fan, Jim Koch, I'm a fan of you and I'm a fan of your brewery.  I've known you and enjoyed you for years, and I wish you would take this simple advice:

Make Old Fezziwig Ale available in a six pack.

It is the best beer you make, hands down, year after year.  It is cruel, making me suffer through a Winter Warmer 12 pack including that god forsaken Cranberry Lambic so I have an opportunity for two of those delicious Old Fezziwig Ales.  Give me direct, unhindered access to Old Fezziwig and I'll ignore your miserable decision to mass produce Blackberry Witbier, which I advised you upon taste testing it against the Espresso Stout to shit can both.

So Jim, I ask you, nay, implore you with all humility and deference, give us Old Fezziwig.

Sincerely,
EoC
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 09, 2009, 08:28:21 AM
Try this

(http://images.quickblogcast.com/97923-90541/winter_warmer2_1.jpg)

Cigar city brewing co
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: East Coast Hustle on December 09, 2009, 04:39:08 PM
Sam Adams is god-awful beer.

I like the rant, though.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 09, 2009, 05:11:15 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on December 09, 2009, 04:39:08 PM
Sam Adams is god-awful beer.

I like the rant, though.

i agree with both sentences
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Eater of Clowns on December 09, 2009, 09:01:21 PM
 :lulz:

I just really love Old Fezziwig.

I have a soft spot for Sam Adams because I think it does its job great.  Being a large enough company to have recognition nation wide makes it sort of a gateway into better beers.  It's rare to find someone who'll try a serious beer and love it right away, so Sam Adams can be used to build up to that.

Unless you're my girlfriend, who somehow tried Arrogant Bastard early in her beer sampling and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Squiddy, in all the hunting I do in my area I don't believe I've ever seen Cigar City Brewing around.  If it ever pops up I'll keep it in mind.  Thanks for the suggestion.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: East Coast Hustle on December 10, 2009, 03:58:20 AM
EoC, you're a New England spag, right?

get your hands on some of Allagash Brewery's stuff. They're probably the best American brewery going (and probaly the ONLY american brewery that's worth a shit except for maybe Dogfish Head).
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 10, 2009, 06:22:29 AM
OOOoooh. That. Allagash is awesome.
EoC- I don't know if you'll be able to find cigar city stuff where you are. i mean, it's a florida beer (that surprisingly does NOT taste like ass.... no for real) so i'm not sure how far out they ship it, or who would actually want it.
you might be able to buy it off the website?? i dunno
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Eater of Clowns on December 10, 2009, 06:48:23 AM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on December 10, 2009, 03:58:20 AM
EoC, you're a New England spag, right?

get your hands on some of Allagash Brewery's stuff. They're probably the best American brewery going (and probaly the ONLY american brewery that's worth a shit except for maybe Dogfish Head).

You know, I think I've had Allagash.  I generally fill up a mix-a-six pack a week with whatever I haven't tried and then work through it, so I'm sure I've crossed it.  Dogfish Head, to be honest, I don't see what the fuss is about.  Jim Cagalione is a maniac, and I love him for it like I love the obsessive and intolerable Jim Koch, but I find his vision greater than his ability.  Every Dogfish Head beer is worth a story but there's a sad few worth a second drink.  I -love- the Palo Santo Maron background of it being aged in a hard, oily wood, but couldn't get past a few glasses of the stuff.  Their liters or British pints or whatever the big bottles are, though, are generally quite tasty, especially Sahtea, as is 90 Minute Imperial IPA.

Stone is by far my favorite brewery in America.  Ruination is the best IPA I've ever had, and were it not for the $18 per six pack tag it commands in my area I'd drink nothing else.  They hold the title of the best beer I've had the fortune to experience, the Stone Bitter Chocolate Oatmeal Stout, which was their 2008 limited edition and as I understand highly coveted to find by its enthusiasts (my brother-in-law works at a liquor store and found a few in the discount bin, if he doesn't save at least one I will end him).

Southern Tier definitely has my respect for a few of their brews, but their seasonal ones like Harvest and Old Man Winter are actually terrible (proof you can't just add hops to anything and have it work out).  Pumpking is still my favorite pumpkin beer, and if I want to get fucked up without knowing it I'll go with their smooth-as-shit-for-11% Unearthly IPA.

As of their Leviathan series, I give my accolades to best all around brewery to Harpoon.  I can turn to them safely for a solid and safe regular line up and also delicious extreme brews if I'm down for them.  The Leviathan IPA is a god damn triumph (I would rank it 2, behind Ruination, but above 90 Minute, for IPAs).  Plus, Harpoon offers free "tastings" at their Boston location where they just keep filling up your 4oz glass for an hour (including the 9%+ Leviathans) that I've left straight fucked up from.  I fully intend to apply for their apprenticeship program come January when I officially meet the quota for the year of professional experience it requires.

Quote from: Squid on December 10, 2009, 06:22:29 AM
OOOoooh. That. Allagash is awesome.
EoC- I don't know if you'll be able to find cigar city stuff where you are. i mean, it's a florida beer (that surprisingly does NOT taste like ass.... no for real) so i'm not sure how far out they ship it, or who would actually want it.
you might be able to buy it off the website?? i dunno


I clicked around a bit on their site and didn't see a distribution thing.  Maybe some third party site would have it?  I'll have to look into it.

I'll admit it, when I went to Florida I was so psyched that you guys had a Yeungling brewery down there and the place I got it from had it on $2 draught that I bought nothing but.  For a straight up "American style" lager I love the shit out of it and even it being located in Pennsylvania we cannot get it shipped north of Connecticut.

Also, sorry for the geekery and lengthiness of my reply.  I've been drinking.   :lulz:
(Brooklyn Brewery Black Chocolate Stout - not bad).
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 10, 2009, 07:20:39 AM
LOL I had that on Saturday when I put up the ugly tree. (BB choc stout)
I like it.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: LMNO on December 10, 2009, 01:16:37 PM
EoC, I think MA still uses the "three tier" system, so you can't get the beer shipped directly to you; you have to ask your local beer guy to ask the distributer to get it from the brewery.

From your posts, it sounds like your'e on pretty good terms with your local beer guy, so you should be all set.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: East Coast Hustle on December 10, 2009, 05:02:28 PM
Yuengling is probably the 2nd best cheap shit beer in america, just behind Rainier.

I don't care much for Harpoon, but Stone makes some drinkable beers. Arrogant Bastard actually qualifies as good IMO.

And ITA about Dogfish. They're hit and miss and more misses than hits but the ones they get right are pretty good. I really like the Pangaea.

Admittedly, I'm not much of an IPA fan, I tend to go for lagers or alts with the occasional porter or stout thrown in on the rare occasions when I feel like chewing my beer. I've never understood the american breweries' obsession with just over-hopping every ale they make as much as possible. IMO, it kills the balance of flavors and leaves a crap aftertaste.

If you're willing to shell out the money for some of the higher-end american beers, you should do yourself a favor and start dabbling in some of the high-end european beers as well.

RCH's recommendations:

Reisdorf (their kolsch is awesome)
Bosteels' Tripel Karmeliet (one of my favorites)
Gouden Carolus (I came)
Peroni (nice crisp italian lager)
Harviestoun's Old Engine Oil (black lager, better than any american porter I've had)
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 10, 2009, 05:05:48 PM
Oh, how I hate you all.   :argh!:

TGRR,
Can't have no fucking beer.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 10, 2009, 06:52:14 PM
I quit beer again because I gained almost five pounds back in the one month I was letting myself have it. And I quit wine because it gives me a headache. And I had a hot toddy last night but it gave me a headache, so maybe I'm quitting whiskey too.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: East Coast Hustle on December 10, 2009, 08:11:18 PM
sounds like tequila time to me.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 10, 2009, 08:12:13 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on December 10, 2009, 08:11:18 PM
sounds like tequila time to me.

:crankey:

TGRR,
Misses cheap booze and cheaper cigars.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: on December 10, 2009, 08:51:00 PM
Not American, but I really like Unibroue (http://www.unibroue.com/products/index.cfm).

They make some fucking tasty beer, and IIRC the brew master is Steve Thibault, a former guitar player for cryptopsy.
Making this objectively the most metal brewing company.

Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Eater of Clowns on December 10, 2009, 09:03:22 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on December 10, 2009, 05:02:28 PM
Yuengling is probably the 2nd best cheap shit beer in america, just behind Rainier.

I don't care much for Harpoon, but Stone makes some drinkable beers. Arrogant Bastard actually qualifies as good IMO.

And ITA about Dogfish. They're hit and miss and more misses than hits but the ones they get right are pretty good. I really like the Pangaea.

Admittedly, I'm not much of an IPA fan, I tend to go for lagers or alts with the occasional porter or stout thrown in on the rare occasions when I feel like chewing my beer. I've never understood the american breweries' obsession with just over-hopping every ale they make as much as possible. IMO, it kills the balance of flavors and leaves a crap aftertaste.

If you're willing to shell out the money for some of the higher-end american beers, you should do yourself a favor and start dabbling in some of the high-end european beers as well.

RCH's recommendations:

Reisdorf (their kolsch is awesome)
Bosteels' Tripel Karmeliet (one of my favorites)
Gouden Carolus (I came)
Peroni (nice crisp italian lager)
Harviestoun's Old Engine Oil (black lager, better than any american porter I've had)

Yeah, not being an IPA fan or hop enthusiast would pretty much turn you off to Stone, haha.  I agree overhopping is a serious problem in most American beers.  A lot do it, not a lot do it right, which is why I admire the three I listed above.  The thing about extreme brewing that's been trending is that it takes skill to pull off and not just the guts to do it, so there's a lot of fail going around.

Now I know you're the chef, so do you primarily look for a beer that's good for both pairing and drinking or more for a casual drinking kind of thing?  Because you named stouts, porters, and IPAs as not high on your favorites and those are three that, no matter what anyone told me, I would never drink with a meal.  I'll see if I can find any of those recommendations at my locale.  Right now I'm working through a Weihenstephan sampler pack, it comes with an absolutely gorgeous Hefeweizen glass.

LMNO, unfortunately I'm not on good enough terms with my beer guy.  Thing is that presently, I could go to any of three major liquor stores in my area and find someone I've been friends with for years working there, but none of them have anything to do with the ordering or anything.  If I see one of the managers around I'll have to corner them about special orders.  And hey, my girlfriend and I are always looking for good beer bars in Boston when I go up there, do you have any suggestions?

I'm happy winter is here because I get to go crazy on stouts and porters again this year.  Last year I went berserk because I was unemployed and I gained about ten pounds just from drinking the heavy stuff (that's a significant gain for me).  It's just that I've got no damn body heat and a dark mean beer seems to do wonders for warming me up.

Quote from: Z³ on December 10, 2009, 08:51:00 PM
Not American, but I really like Unibroue (http://www.unibroue.com/products/index.cfm).

They make some fucking tasty beer, and IIRC the brew master is Steve Thibault, a former guitar player for cryptopsy.
Making this objectively the most metal brewing company.



I mixed a six pack of each of their offerings I could find.  It was all very good and I'd do it again.  And now I have an answer as to why their labels have lightning bolts and big black fucking horses and shit on them.  :lulz:

Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: on December 10, 2009, 09:34:30 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on December 10, 2009, 09:03:22 PM

Quote from: Z³ on December 10, 2009, 08:51:00 PM
Not American, but I really like Unibroue (http://www.unibroue.com/products/index.cfm).

They make some fucking tasty beer, and IIRC the brew master is Steve Thibault, a former guitar player for cryptopsy.
Making this objectively the most metal brewing company.

I mixed a six pack of each of their offerings I could find.  It was all very good and I'd do it again.  And now I have an answer as to why their labels have lightning bolts and big black fucking horses and shit on them.  :lulz:



There is more to it than that, actually. I guess the labels all relate to events from Quebecois history, stuff I dont really know about, but I intend to do a little bit more digging on the subject.

Quote from: http://www.ratebeer.com/Story.asp?StoryID=362
One company that has done an excellent job of putting a story behind their products is Unibroue. Their labels and artwork are steeped in Quebecois history and the accompanying stories include such interesting tales as a deal with the devil for a flying canoe, or a mysterious black horse enlisted in the construction of a cathedral. Unibroue's head rep in Ontario is Stephen Thibault, who knows a fair bit about both Unibroue and brewing history in general. Stephen is an adept storyteller as I learned at a Unibroue brewer's dinner, but it obviously helps that he has a portfolio of excellent beers to talk about. (Speaking of stories – have you seen the new Unibroue tap handles??? These are sure to be conversation starters.)

The best link I've found so far is this one: http://www.bartowel.com/qc.phtml
Its interesting to learn the links behind some of the labels, the stories and the history.

I'm still looking for something to confirm whether or not Steve Thibault still works there, and to what capacity . Regardless of the metal trivia aspect, it doesnt matter all that much to me. They make tasty beers.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Triple Zero on December 10, 2009, 09:35:45 PM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on December 10, 2009, 05:02:28 PM
Reisdorf (their kolsch is awesome)

Ha, I just asked my gf who is from a village near Cologne, and she agrees it is indeed very good beer. Do you know that Kölsch beer is supposed to be served in a cylindrical slightly-shorter-than-a-longdrink glass? Also called a (surprise) "Kölsch glass".

Another good Kölsch from (nearer to where she lived) that area is Gaffel, if you ever happen to come across it.

And, more information about the Reisdorf brewery than you ever needed to know is here: http://www.bunitedint.com/portfolios/producers/reissdorf/brewery/overview.php
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: East Coast Hustle on December 10, 2009, 10:58:01 PM
I did actually know about the kolsch glass. The restaurant in maine I cheffed at the last couple of years had specialty glasses designed by the brewers of each of the imports that we had on tap.

trying to convince american tourists that "no, you really don't NEED to chug an entire pint of this stuff, trust me" was a chore but seemed to work as we ended up getting alot of repeat customers based just off of our beer selection (which, I have been told by several people in the industry, was definitely unique in Maine and probably the best selection of imports on tap north of NYC).

and EoC, I generally choose beers just for their stand-alone drinkability, but I also find that if I'm drinking beer with a meal I almost always prefer a lager anyway, though there are exceptions.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 11, 2009, 12:25:26 AM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on December 10, 2009, 08:11:18 PM
sounds like tequila time to me.
:lulz:

I do love tequila.

I'd drink more of it if it wasn't so damned expensive.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: East Coast Hustle on December 11, 2009, 01:34:08 AM
check this week's willamette weekly. they had an article about some of the better/more unusual happy hours in PDX and one of them was "beer and a shot for $6" which applied to all their tap beers and the available shots were all of the J's (jack, jaeger, jose, jameson's).

also, there was a place that does "sunday on monday" with a 2-7pm happy hour during which $9 gets you a bottomless mimosa (or just a bottomless glass of cheap champagne, if you're brave) along with $1 pancakes to soak up the cheap champagne.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on December 11, 2009, 07:38:05 AM
Quote from: Z³ on December 10, 2009, 08:51:00 PM
Not American, but I really like Unibroue (http://www.unibroue.com/products/index.cfm).

They make some fucking tasty beer, and IIRC the brew master is Steve Thibault, a former guitar player for cryptopsy.
Making this objectively the most metal brewing company.



yum
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 12, 2009, 02:57:58 AM
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on December 11, 2009, 01:34:08 AM
check this week's willamette weekly. they had an article about some of the better/more unusual happy hours in PDX and one of them was "beer and a shot for $6" which applied to all their tap beers and the available shots were all of the J's (jack, jaeger, jose, jameson's).

also, there was a place that does "sunday on monday" with a 2-7pm happy hour during which $9 gets you a bottomless mimosa (or just a bottomless glass of cheap champagne, if you're brave) along with $1 pancakes to soak up the cheap champagne.

Heh, the beer and a shot one sounds promising.... if it's in my territory I'll consider it.

Bars on my strip suck ass, except Daddy Mojo. I used to haunt Alberta but I gave it up to Pinecone. Now I mostly do Mississippi, which actually has my favorite bars.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 12, 2009, 02:58:39 AM
I think the bottomless mimosa is Helzers, which is walking distance.
Title: Re: Dear Jim Koch,
Post by: East Coast Hustle on December 12, 2009, 05:37:32 PM
by the way, Junior's was a spot-on recommendation.

food was good enough that we decided not to bitch about the fact that it was almost 45 minutes from the time we ordered until the time we ate (I almost went back and offered to help), and the people....oh, the people.

did you KNOW that I'd see an off-duty cop who looks like the dude from "hills have eyes" and a one-eyed girl who was not (but definitely should have been) wearing an eyepatch? Or that I'd witness a near fist-fight between an couple that looked like they were in their 80's and a couple of smug hipster girls?

I mean, wow.