TGRR, I think my friend is going crazy

[Cain]

And if he is crazy, then maybe I'm a little crazy too.  Maybe I should back up and explain.

Me and this friend, we've known each other for a long time.  Practically for forever, by any real standard.  And to be honest, in the early days, we didn't get on too much.  He was idealistic, and I was much more cynical, and we came to blows more than a few times over this or that.  Didn't even speak for a while, in fact.  But, further down the line, we got involved in some projects together, and, well, we buried the hatchet.  More similarities and differences, than all that.  And after that, we became firm buddies.  He even bailed me out during a real bad patch in my life, and helped look after me when I was pretty sick and some nasty vultures were circling round what was mine.  We had some wild times, let me tell you, getting into this scrap and that.  In retrospect, we could've avoided some of that, displayed some maturity, but you cannot change the past, unfortunately.

But my friend, over the past few years or so, he's been acting really strange, even by his admittedly loose standards.  You see, he's convinced these people are out to get him.  I mean, yes, they are, he's a rich a powerful guy, and people do hate him for that, as well as for some of the deals he has screwed them on (fairly or unfairly, he can be....unreasonable at times).  The thing is though, these people who are out to get him, they're not very dangerous.  In fact, they're mostly very weak and talk him down to avoid confronting their own problems.  If my friend had to get into a conflict with them, he'd win easily, and they know that.  He doesn't though.  I go along with it, mostly, though sometimes I try and point this out to him.  Whenever I do though, he stops listening to me, or starts on strange speeches about how everything has changed and we can't live in the past anymore, play by the old rules.

He's also got some real image problems.  He thinks he's still healthy and strong as he ever was and believe me, back in the day, this guy could keep up with the best of them.  But now, his muscle has gone to flab, and he eats unhealthily.  He's nowhere near as rich as he thinks either, in fact, lately, he lost a whole bunch of money on some very risky deals, money that wasn't even his in the first place.  The debtors are being good about it, but they don't have to be, not if they didn't want to, or they didn't respect the guy.  But anyway, health.  He's convinced his doctor is a genius, too.  And to be fair, he's not a quack, but he isn't exactly Gregory House either.  He also charges him way too much, like twice what any other healthcare plan would, but he just waves his hand and says "I'm willing to pay for quality".

He also has an overinflated sense of machismo.  Like I said, we were a pair of lads, back in the day.  But now....he's convinced he's still the toughest guy on the block, despite some very small players managing to get a rise out of him whenever he wants.  These guys are nimble, too.  They goad and mock him, and then he lashes out - never managing to hurt them, but likely slugging some poor passerby who wasn't even involved - and then they mock him for his failure.  He broods over these guys, obssesses about getting pay back, one day.

He used to have some neat toys though.  He'd sometimes have things the rest of us didn't even know existed yet.  You know, state of the art hi-tech gadgets, top quality computers and the rest.  He's still convinced he does, of course, and doesn't seem to notice that everyone else around him is upgrading, while he's stuck in the past.  He's still better, but probably not for much longer, unless he takes his thumb out of his arse and starts doing the same.

He also acts really irrationally, at times.  I mean, above and beyond all this.  I think there is something really wrong, inside his head.  He'll insist everything is fine, even when he should be in massive pain.  I mean, I've stuck a needle in him once, and he didn't even flinch.  Didn't feel a thing.  His now obese body doesn't seem to bother him, he doesn't get back pains and apparently doesn't notice when he is out of breath from the exertion of walking up the stairs.  He really thinks everything is fantastic and, apart from his very rich diet, which has contributed to his health problems, he isn't.  He'll make choices which do absolutely nothing good for him, which hurt himself even more, and he'll be totally convinced that not only is this the best course, but that everyone who says otherwise is acting out of jealousy, or some hidden motive.  Even his closest friends.  Even me.

You see now, why I think my friend has gone insane.  The problem is...I let him.  I saw the warning signs, but I didn't want to say anything.  At times, I even bought into his childish delusions.  We were the kings of the world, everything we touched turned to gold, and we had right and good on our side.  Only, we're not, it doesn't and they're not.  I think we need help, both of us.  But we've used up all our goodwill a long time ago.

[Ascoe]

tigger?

[Captain Utopia]

tigger?

No, I don't think it's about TGRR, though it's not without ambiguity in that regard.

[The Johnny]

You see, he's convinced these people are out to get him.  I mean, yes, they are, he's a rich a powerful guy, and people do hate him for that, as well as for some of the deals he has screwed them on (fairly or unfairly, he can be....unreasonable at times).  The thing is though, these people who are out to get him, they're not very dangerous.  In fact, they're mostly very weak and talk him down to avoid confronting their own problems.  If my friend had to get into a conflict with them, he'd win easily, and they know that.  He doesn't though.  I go along with it, mostly, though sometimes I try and point this out to him.  Whenever I do though, he stops listening to me, or starts on strange speeches about how everything has changed and we can't live in the past anymore, play by the old rules.

The state of "having people after you" is always associated with self-importance; its another way of expressing "I affect their lives so much". Hes attributing importance to his enemies, so that by parallel, his importance is inflated too. Think of all the conspiracy nutjobs with paranoia "omg, the government is tapping my phone calls and monitoring all my activity" (which there is a truth behind it, but they aren't watching you specifically, they are watching EVERYONE, which unfortunately for them, makes them less "special".)

He's also got some real image problems.  He thinks he's still healthy and strong as he ever was and believe me, back in the day, this guy could keep up with the best of them.  But now, his muscle has gone to flab, and he eats unhealthily.  He's nowhere near as rich as he thinks either, in fact, lately, he lost a whole bunch of money on some very risky deals, money that wasn't even his in the first place.  The debtors are being good about it, but they don't have to be, not if they didn't want to, or they didn't respect the guy.  But anyway, health.  He's convinced his doctor is a genius, too.  And to be fair, he's not a quack, but he isn't exactly Gregory House either.  He also charges him way too much, like twice what any other healthcare plan would, but he just waves his hand and says "I'm willing to pay for quality".

He's denying reality in order to be able to keep his self-esteem "if I don't see the fatness in me, it does not exist". Very much well too in respect to his money "if I pretend I didn't lose money, I didn't lose it after all". With respect to his doctor "I pay for quality" translates to "hey man, if you don't care about your health, keep going to your peasant doctors that will fuck you up, I can afford to spend money on my health, and so be it."; he assumes the inflated price of the doctor is a measurement of his quality of practice, and that if he pays more, that makes him better as a person too. Paying more as status.

He also has an overinflated sense of machismo.  Like I said, we were a pair of lads, back in the day.  But now....he's convinced he's still the toughest guy on the block, despite some very small players managing to get a rise out of him whenever he wants.  These guys are nimble, too.  They goad and mock him, and then he lashes out - never managing to hurt them, but likely slugging some poor passerby who wasn't even involved - and then they mock him for his failure.  He broods over these guys, obssesses about getting pay back, one day.

Machismo is a form of over-compensation. If one didn't fear the others "wreaking havoc in his territory" he wouldn't respond so harshly.

He used to have some neat toys though.  He'd sometimes have things the rest of us didn't even know existed yet.  You know, state of the art hi-tech gadgets, top quality computers and the rest.  He's still convinced he does, of course, and doesn't seem to notice that everyone else around him is upgrading, while he's stuck in the past.  He's still better, but probably not for much longer, unless he takes his thumb out of his arse and starts doing the same.

Im not sure how to interpret this part; maybe this is just a personal jab. Anyhow, the part of him thinking he owns state of the art technology without updating it for years, is also denial of reality.

He also acts really irrationally, at times.  I mean, above and beyond all this.  I think there is something really wrong, inside his head.  He'll insist everything is fine, even when he should be in massive pain.  I mean, I've stuck a needle in him once, and he didn't even flinch.  Didn't feel a thing.  His now obese body doesn't seem to bother him, he doesn't get back pains and apparently doesn't notice when he is out of breath from the exertion of walking up the stairs.  He really thinks everything is fantastic and, apart from his very rich diet, which has contributed to his health problems, he isn't.  He'll make choices which do absolutely nothing good for him, which hurt himself even more, and he'll be totally convinced that not only is this the best course, but that everyone who says otherwise is acting out of jealousy, or some hidden motive.  Even his closest friends.  Even me.

Feeling pain and denying it is a big part of machismo. That's why a lot of males in machismo prevalent societies (like Mexico), die of prostate cancer; because they refuse to acknowledge their pain and disease, because disease is for women and pussies.

You see now, why I think my friend has gone insane.  The problem is...I let him.  I saw the warning signs, but I didn't want to say anything.  At times, I even bought into his childish delusions.  We were the kings of the world, everything we touched turned to gold, and we had right and good on our side.  Only, we're not, it doesn't and they're not.  I think we need help, both of us.  But we've used up all our goodwill a long time ago.

If you think you have similar problems as his, a start would be not attributing his problems to your "I let him do it", because not everything he does depends on you.

[The Johnny]

I hope i didnt come out as a douchebag.

What i see is narcissism; and i think theres only two ways to overcome it:

1. Life kicking the shit out of your ego, and showing you what is real.
2. Going to psycho-analysis to get humbled.
3. Or being able to accept third-parties point of view, even if it hurts.

Unfortunately, if hes not willing, its 1.

[Freeky]

tigger?

The OP is sending a letter to The Good Revernd Roger, or TGRR for short Ascoe. Is that what you were asking?

[P3nT4gR4m]

I think I know this friend of yours Cain. I'm pretty sure he was born crazy. Could be the mixed parentage. If it's the same guy I'm thinking about he has French, Scandinavian, German, Italian and all sorts in his bloodline. And not the best examples of those either. Thieves and vagabonds to a man. It's no surprise he turned out the way he did.

[Payne]

to Cain.

BOO-fuckin'-YAH!

[Jenne]

Ah, the Amurrican.

Great letter, Cain. Hits its mark.

[Golden Applesauce]

At first I was like 

then I was like   

[East Coast Hustle]

I just now got what this is about, and it is fucking great.

to you, Cain.

[Jasper]

I think I get the message, but I spent too long assuming this was a real story.  Its obliqueness makes me unable to describe what I got out of it, like so many nuanced, humanistic messages. 

[The Johnny]

Im getting a vague idea now...

But obviously i feel for it as a real story first.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Oh wow. MAJOR "ah-ha!" moment when I got it. Brilliant.

[Triple Zero]

Wow, not until I read Jenne's post--twice, I stopped trying to think of good advice to give you, and I got the message.

That doesn't make it easier to say it sounds pretty hopeless and you might be better off to go and try save yourself and let the friend boil in his own fat ... But that would be pretty harsh no?

IRL, a friend is a friend. To stick with, unless they seriously cross the line. You can come to their aid less often, if they keep screwing themselves over, but never abandon entirely.

Does that work different for countries?

(I wouldn't know, I'm not a country)