Roger, you know what's wrong with the party in Ptolus?

[Luna]

Sneaky bastardism.  Use terrain, use hazards, and start thinking of frontal assaults as a pathology, not a tactic.

Not sure if  you've seen this article, but its something I've used as a blueprint the few times I've dmed.

http://www.tuckerskobolds.com/

Heh.  I did things the players still speak about in whispers to a party with nothing but kobolds.

Bloody idiots didn't set a night watch...  After all, level 20's don't NEED any stinkin' night guards, right?

Well, when they woke up with their packs rifled and a lot of nice crap I'd been meaning to remove from their inventories missing, they were, shall we say, disturbed.

Ranger tracked down little kobold footy-prints to a hole, and in they went.

Remember what Roger said earlier about not going where you can't stand up straight?  HOW tall are kobolds?  I assure you, they ain't digging their tunnels bigger so YOU can walk comfortably in to slaughter them.  The big, burly paladin had to leave his plate back with the horses to fit in the tunnels.  (Said horses did appear later, roasting over a spit...) 

Tons of traps.  Deadfalls.  And, over it all, the sound of kobolds giggling...

I let one of 'em escape alive, to carry back the tale.

Was the closest I ever came to a TPK, I do believe that I shouldn't go out of my way to slaughter characters in which players have put time and effort...  And, had they turned around and left at any point, I'd've taken a few more nonlethal shots at 'em for punctuation and let them go, without their stuff.  But, "they're only KOBOLDS..."

[Sister Fracture]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

[Sister Fracture]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

He may have to make a hole before he can sodomize it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

He may have to make a hole before he can sodomize it.

I think I have a few pitons in my pack.   

[Sister Fracture]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

He may have to make a hole before he can sodomize it.

I think I have a few pitons in my pack.   

Bonus XP if you make all the orifices anatomically correct and then use them.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

He may have to make a hole before he can sodomize it.

I think I have a few pitons in my pack.   

Bonus XP if you make all the orifices anatomically correct and then use them.

IMA HUMP THE CHAOS STATUE!  WOOOOOOOOO!  IT'S A DIRTY LITTLE SLAG AND IT WANTS IT!

[Sister Fracture]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

He may have to make a hole before he can sodomize it.

I think I have a few pitons in my pack.   

Bonus XP if you make all the orifices anatomically correct and then use them.

IMA HUMP THE CHAOS STATUE!  WOOOOOOOOO!  IT'S A DIRTY LITTLE SLAG AND IT WANTS IT!

If Bruce were allowed in this game with Hogar running about, he'd probably play that little quickling fart-sniffer he loves so much. And he'd be "fucking" everything in sight, including Nurse Enabler's and TGG's characters, consent notwithstanding.    Goddamn, he's such a... A... bastard.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

He may have to make a hole before he can sodomize it.

I think I have a few pitons in my pack.   

Bonus XP if you make all the orifices anatomically correct and then use them.

IMA HUMP THE CHAOS STATUE!  WOOOOOOOOO!  IT'S A DIRTY LITTLE SLAG AND IT WANTS IT!

If Bruce were allowed in this game with Hogar running about, he'd probably play that little quickling fart-sniffer he loves so much. And he'd be "fucking" everything in sight, including Nurse Enabler's and TGG's characters, consent notwithstanding.    Goddamn, he's such a... A... bastard.

More to the point, he's boring.

[Sister Fracture]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

He may have to make a hole before he can sodomize it.

I think I have a few pitons in my pack.   

Bonus XP if you make all the orifices anatomically correct and then use them.

IMA HUMP THE CHAOS STATUE!  WOOOOOOOOO!  IT'S A DIRTY LITTLE SLAG AND IT WANTS IT!

If Bruce were allowed in this game with Hogar running about, he'd probably play that little quickling fart-sniffer he loves so much. And he'd be "fucking" everything in sight, including Nurse Enabler's and TGG's characters, consent notwithstanding.    Goddamn, he's such a... A... bastard.

More to the point, he's boring.

And he cheats. Who the fuck cheats at D&D?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Stupid Cobbled Man and his stupid chaositech sickening rods.  Bastard.

And Freeky, if that statue of the obese dude starts moving around, Hogar will SODOMIZE IT.  No shit.

I didn't realize Hogar was a chubby chaser.

Hogar isn't picky.  Fuck, he's got a damn duck on his helmet, doesn't he?

He may have to make a hole before he can sodomize it.

I think I have a few pitons in my pack.   

Bonus XP if you make all the orifices anatomically correct and then use them.

IMA HUMP THE CHAOS STATUE!  WOOOOOOOOO!  IT'S A DIRTY LITTLE SLAG AND IT WANTS IT!

If Bruce were allowed in this game with Hogar running about, he'd probably play that little quickling fart-sniffer he loves so much. And he'd be "fucking" everything in sight, including Nurse Enabler's and TGG's characters, consent notwithstanding.    Goddamn, he's such a... A... bastard.

More to the point, he's boring.

And he cheats. Who the fuck cheats at D&D?

Other than half the people at Hat's? 

[Sister Fracture]

Other than half the people at Hat's? 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Sneaky bastardism.  Use terrain, use hazards, and start thinking of frontal assaults as a pathology, not a tactic.

Not sure if  you've seen this article, but its something I've used as a blueprint the few times I've dmed.

http://www.tuckerskobolds.com/

Heh.  I did things the players still speak about in whispers to a party with nothing but kobolds.

Bloody idiots didn't set a night watch...  After all, level 20's don't NEED any stinkin' night guards, right?

Well, when they woke up with their packs rifled and a lot of nice crap I'd been meaning to remove from their inventories missing, they were, shall we say, disturbed.

Ranger tracked down little kobold footy-prints to a hole, and in they went.

Remember what Roger said earlier about not going where you can't stand up straight?  HOW tall are kobolds?  I assure you, they ain't digging their tunnels bigger so YOU can walk comfortably in to slaughter them.  The big, burly paladin had to leave his plate back with the horses to fit in the tunnels.  (Said horses did appear later, roasting over a spit...) 

Tons of traps.  Deadfalls.  And, over it all, the sound of kobolds giggling...

I let one of 'em escape alive, to carry back the tale.

Was the closest I ever came to a TPK, I do believe that I shouldn't go out of my way to slaughter characters in which players have put time and effort...  And, had they turned around and left at any point, I'd've taken a few more nonlethal shots at 'em for punctuation and let them go, without their stuff.  But, "they're only KOBOLDS..."

The math is weird, there.

If the rogue wasn't able to hear the kobolds at 20th level (perception/listen check would be D20+23 ranks + 2 wisdom - 8 for being asleep = d20+17, minimum 18, average 27.5 vs a kobold with a stealth/move silently of d20+3 = max 23, average 13.5 PER ROUND) there is no real chance the rogue shouldn't have woken up and royally fuckinged the kobolds.

[Luna]

MUCH earlier edition.  No perception checks back in the stone age... this would have been either 2nd Edition or maybe back into the days of boxed sets.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Update:  Much to my disgust, there is apparently no room in the rules for a spell named 16 tons of protection from evil.