News:

Already planning a hunger strike against the inhumane draconian right winger/neoliberal gun bans. Gun control is also one of the worst forms of torture. Without guns/weapons its like merely existing and not living.

Main Menu

Global Strategic Maple Reserve heist

Started by Cain, September 20, 2012, 10:41:55 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Cain

The scene: Late August, at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse in Quebec.

Street value of the loot: $30 million.

The target: The Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve.

The. Global. Strategic. Maple. Syrup. Reserve.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/09/03/maple_syrup_reserves_hit/

QuoteCommodity markets worldwide and pancake-gobbling North Americans have been left reeling by the news of an audacious theft which may have seen as much as five thousand tons of maple syrup burgled from planet Earth's "global strategic reserve" of the sticky gunge.

A searing announcement from the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers revealed the facts to an astonished world late last week. The largely Francophone Canadian province is responsible for as much as 80 per cent of world maple syrup production, and fully two-thirds of Canada's output is exported to feed the insatiable demands of pancake-noshing breakfasters in the Dominion's vast southern neighbour.

This is even better than that time I discovered that China had strategic pork reserves.

Juana

I'm torn between :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: (where are they going to fence this? is there really a black market for maple syrup?) and :argh!: because real maple syrup is fucking delicious and expensive already.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Pope Pixie Pickle

Quote from: Cain on September 20, 2012, 10:41:55 PM
The scene: Late August, at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse in Quebec.

Street value of the loot: $30 million.

The target: The Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve.

The. Global. Strategic. Maple. Syrup. Reserve.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/09/03/maple_syrup_reserves_hit/

QuoteCommodity markets worldwide and pancake-gobbling North Americans have been left reeling by the news of an audacious theft which may have seen as much as five thousand tons of maple syrup burgled from planet Earth's "global strategic reserve" of the sticky gunge.

A searing announcement from the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers revealed the facts to an astonished world late last week. The largely Francophone Canadian province is responsible for as much as 80 per cent of world maple syrup production, and fully two-thirds of Canada's output is exported to feed the insatiable demands of pancake-noshing breakfasters in the Dominion's vast southern neighbour.

This is even better than that time I discovered that China had strategic pork reserves.


It was Payne, he is mad at the Quebecois for hoarding all the good syrup and keeping prices too high. He likes to bathe in it, which is cool, because I like the taste of maple syrup. It was either that or he killed all Canadians to obtain it all. 

Eater of Clowns

Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Cain on September 20, 2012, 10:41:55 PM
The scene: Late August, at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse in Quebec.

Street value of the loot: $30 million.

The target: The Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve.

The. Global. Strategic. Maple. Syrup. Reserve.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/09/03/maple_syrup_reserves_hit/

QuoteCommodity markets worldwide and pancake-gobbling North Americans have been left reeling by the news of an audacious theft which may have seen as much as five thousand tons of maple syrup burgled from planet Earth's "global strategic reserve" of the sticky gunge.

A searing announcement from the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers revealed the facts to an astonished world late last week. The largely Francophone Canadian province is responsible for as much as 80 per cent of world maple syrup production, and fully two-thirds of Canada's output is exported to feed the insatiable demands of pancake-noshing breakfasters in the Dominion's vast southern neighbour.

This is even better than that time I discovered that China had strategic pork reserves.

Nooooooooo! How can this BE? The Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserves were my last hope for a stable North America! :cry:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Verbal Mike

My guess: it's evil moosleem terrrists who are about to unveil a whole new kind of dirty bomb. It's gonna be like a sticky 9/11.
Unless stated otherwise, feel free to copy or reproduce any text I post anywhere and any way you like. I will never throw a hissy-fit over it, promise.

Cain

Interesting fact about this case: they stole the maple, but left the casks they came in untouched.  Given they stole 5000 tons, that is a LOT of maple syrup being redistributed into small, easy to carry packets.

Freeky


Verbal Mike

Quote from: Cain on September 21, 2012, 03:19:49 PM
Interesting fact about this case: they stole the maple, but left the casks they came in untouched.  Given they stole 5000 tons, that is a LOT of maple syrup being redistributed into small, easy to carry packets.
THEY'RE MAKING GRENADES! STICKY, DELICIOUS GRENADES!
Unless stated otherwise, feel free to copy or reproduce any text I post anywhere and any way you like. I will never throw a hissy-fit over it, promise.

LMNO

WE MUST PREPARE OUR GIANT PANCAKE SHIELDS, AND REINFORCE THE WAFFLE BATTLEMENTS!

Juana

"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."

Elder Iptuous

Quote from: Cain on September 21, 2012, 03:19:49 PM
Interesting fact about this case: they stole the maple, but left the casks they came in untouched.  Given they stole 5000 tons, that is a LOT of maple syrup being redistributed into small, easy to carry packets.

Hmm...
suspicious.
i say we get david blaine and chris angel in for questioning.

(how awesome would it be, if it was a street magic trick, and they made it reappear in some unlikely place, like the capitol building)

Cain

Or even better, they somehow moulded it into a replica of the Capitol Building.

It'd attract a hell of a lot more tourists, for a start.

Cain

OK Canada, what's going on?

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/09/27/161917296/cheese-smuggling-ring-is-brought-down-in-canda

QuoteA "large scale Canada-U.S. cheese smuggling operation" has been brought down, after an international investigation tracked criminals who were skirting import duties and Canada's higher cheese prices.

"The investigation revealed over $200,000 worth of cheese and other products were purchased and distributed for an estimated profit of over $165,000," Niagara police said.

The smugglers — one current and one former police officer, and one civilian — reportedly sought out pizza restaurants to move their merchandise. News emerged this week that charges would soon be announced against what Mark called a "mozzarella mafia".

Maple syrup and now this?  What next?  Poutine-based assassinations?

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Cain on September 29, 2012, 09:35:22 AM
OK Canada, what's going on?

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/09/27/161917296/cheese-smuggling-ring-is-brought-down-in-canda

QuoteA "large scale Canada-U.S. cheese smuggling operation" has been brought down, after an international investigation tracked criminals who were skirting import duties and Canada's higher cheese prices.

"The investigation revealed over $200,000 worth of cheese and other products were purchased and distributed for an estimated profit of over $165,000," Niagara police said.

The smugglers — one current and one former police officer, and one civilian — reportedly sought out pizza restaurants to move their merchandise. News emerged this week that charges would soon be announced against what Mark called a "mozzarella mafia".

Maple syrup and now this?  What next?  Poutine-based assassinations?

:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Oh, Canada!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."