I am writing a play called "The Trail of George W. Bush"
It is a work in progress. I only have three scenes written and they are in first draft form. I have placed a pdf version on my earthlink server for people to download.
I am asking for suggestions, criticism, rants, etc. In particular, I want suggestions of people to testify and speak. You can leave your thoughts in this thread.
You probably can not tell from this early piece exactly where I am going. That's fine. Wouldn't be much of a mystery if you knew what was coming next. But I hope you find it amusing.
WARNING: There is some brutal emotional stuff in here. At least I hope it is brutal and emotional. If you are upset by the horrors of war and the horror of 9/11, then maybe you should skip reading this.
I intend to place the play out into cyberspace on my blog. Give it wings and let it fly. See if student groups at colleges might not pick it up and do performances. Whatever. I would love to serialize it here in PD.com. Formating is a problem and that is why I chose to put it in pdf form for now.
Anyway, I am giving you all first crack at tearing it apart. It is a first draft so I don't have the poetry done yet, but it is a good start. Have fun. (But don't read it just before you go to bed.)
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
Nice. Some grammar issues. Are you planning on tacking more onto it?
Minor issues:
- When I read the direction in a1s1 about inserting pithy comments I have a vision of the director yelling "Pithy comments! He said pithy comments!" in a way that rhymed whith Strongbad and his, "Consumate Vs".
- IMO, 'Glorious Archilles' would be better than 'Gloried Archillies', for a bunch of reasons.
- Louis needs be more regal and arrogant Frenchy. See the movie Ridicule and read the book Restoration (even though it has an English king in it). Little things mostly -- Louis would probably use 'advocate' instead of 'attorney' or, "Louis: I don't believe any of them have been admitted to the bar in this jurisdiction." could be, "Louis: They are lawyers in courts of men. They do not speak at the judgements of Gods." or something equally overstated and neo-classical. Or not.
- Louis is sometimes 'Louis' and sometimes 'Louie' in the script. Is that intentional?
It is a fine start and I look forwards to more.
Quote from: Guido FinucciMinor issues:
- When I read the direction in a1s1 about inserting pithy comments I have a vision of the director yelling "Pithy comments! He said pithy comments!" in a way that rhymed whith Strongbad and his, "Consumate Vs".
- IMO, 'Glorious Archilles' would be better than 'Gloried Archillies', for a bunch of reasons.
- Louis needs be more regal and arrogant Frenchy. See the movie Ridicule and read the book Restoration (even though it has an English king in it). Little things mostly -- Louis would probably use 'advocate' instead of 'attorney' or, "Louis: I don't believe any of them have been admitted to the bar in this jurisdiction." could be, "Louis: They are lawyers in courts of men. They do not speak at the judgements of Gods." or something equally overstated and neo-classical. Or not.
- Louis is sometimes 'Louis' and sometimes 'Louie' in the script. Is that intentional?
It is a fine start and I look forwards to more.
pithy, I used the word pithy?
::flip flip flip::
hmmm.
Gloria Achilles , er Glorious it will be.
Yeah, I need more French attitude. He's a real central character but needs a lot of work. I was just dealing with the Greeks to start with. (Would Monty Python's French characters in Holy Grail, er, maybe not.)
Louis Louie. Sounds the same, don't it? (Not deliberate, but wtf.)
I am taking a break today. I've been writing it since Friday. I will plunge back in to start the next scene tomorrow. (At least I know how it ends.)
Quote from: gnimbleyYeah, I need more French attitude. He's a real central character but needs a lot of work. I was just dealing with the Greeks to start with. (Would Monty Python's French characters in Holy Grail, er, maybe not.)
Hell yes! "Ow can you tell 'is Fraanch? By 'is out-raj-us accnt."
Happy to suggest bad French anytime you want it.
Hmm. I imagine some 19 year old kid trying to get the dialect right. I think I want to stick to just word choice to get across the attitude of an arrogant French monarch. However, if you (or someone) would like to translate, I will produce a French dialect version. Since I am going to post this on the internet, I figure more than one version floating around would make for more fun.
Quote from: gnimbleyHmm. I imagine some 19 year old kid trying to get the dialect right. I think I want to stick to just word choice to get across the attitude of an arrogant French monarch. However, if you (or someone) would like to translate, I will produce a French dialect version. Since I am going to post this on the internet, I figure more than one version floating around would make for more fun.
You appear to be under the impression that I actually know how to speak French. On the contraryaryary I speak solid British Comedic English-with-a-bad-French-accent.
By Restoration, do you mean
Quote from: My local libraryRestoration : a novel of seventeenth-century England by Tremain, Rose.
The double import of Tremain's title--it refers both to the reign of the 17th-century Restoration King Charles II and to the restoration to the protagonist of his beloved home and aspirations for his life--is one of the subtle delights of this accomplished novel, shortlisted for the Booker and winner of other awards in Britain. The story is of one man's rise and fall and rise again, of his discovery of love and faith, and his emotional maturation in a crucible of harrowing experiences. In a larger sense, however, it is a social, cultural and psychological picture of that age, when bluebloods lived in gaudy excess but others were expected to be content in their "appointed stations.'' Through the whim of his adored monarch, narrator Robert Merivel becomes veterinarian to the Royal Dogs, unofficial Fool, and "paid cuckold,'' when he marries the King's mistress, Celia Clemence, on condition that he himself will never fall in love with her. Having unwittingly succumbed to that forbidden emotion, Merivel is cast off by both wife and King, and must join his dour Quaker friend Pearce working in a lunatic asylum in remote, bleak Whittlesea. Another tragic loss sends him back to plague-ridden London, where his life comes full turn. Merivel embodies the contradictions of his era: though he is vain, frivolous and cynical, he is also a man of sensibility, intelligence and imaginative daring; his wry, witty voice holds the reader absorbed. A thoroughly satisfying read, the complex plot is augmented by acutely observed historical detail, nuanced character development, humor and poignancy.
Quote from: gnimbletteBy Restoration, do you mean ... [Restoration : a novel of seventeenth-century England by Tremain, Rose.]
Yup. Also made into a movie but the movie lost all the flavour that I got from the book.
The King has a small-ish part but he is from about the right time and, if you add a dash of Hobbes, gives insight into how the monarchs of Western Europe thought of themselves about then.
The rest of the book suited me very well some years ago when I first read it, not so sure if I'd love it as much now.
Gnimbly: I have left instructions with my mind, that if it, in its many wanderings in places where I know not the seasons and the stars are strange to me, that if it should run across in merry meeting your likewise roaming intellect, that is should convey with heart-counsel, deep felt word-warnings, that it is required to return.
Quote from: Compositus ConfusioGnimbly: I have left instructions with my mind, that if it, in its many wanderings in places where I know not the seasons and the stars are strange to me, that if it should run across in merry meeting your likewise roaming intellect, that is should convey with heart-counsel, deep felt word-warnings, that it is required to return.
(http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/Pixs/WTF.gif)
Quote from: gnimbleyQuote from: Compositus ConfusioGnimbly: I have left instructions with my mind, that if it, in its many wanderings in places where I know not the seasons and the stars are strange to me, that if it should run across in merry meeting your likewise roaming intellect, that is should convey with heart-counsel, deep felt word-warnings, that it is required to return.
(http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/Pixs/WTF.gif)
He's worried about you because you lost your mind, and has instructed his wandering mind to tell your wandering mind to go home.
gnome go home.
got 'cha.
::wanders off in search of home::
That's a good little gnome.
Good work, btw.
I'm looking forward to reading the completed version.
I enjoyed that play very much, keep it up.
A few problems, is the fury doing the questioning at the beginning Atecto or Alecto, because it's different in the Dramatis Personae. Also, the file name is "Trail", instead of "Trial".
Quote from: CannedLizardI enjoyed that play very much, keep it up.
A few problems, is the fury doing the questioning at the beginning Atecto or Alecto, because it's different in the Dramatis Personae. Also, the file name is "Trail", instead of "Trial".
cool what are the problems?
Quote from: CannedLizardI enjoyed that play very much, keep it up.
A few problems, is the fury doing the questioning at the beginning Atecto or Alecto, because it's different in the Dramatis Personae. Also, the file name is "Trail", instead of "Trial".
Picky pikcy pkicy
Quote from: CannedLizardI enjoyed that play very much, keep it up.
A few problems, is the fury doing the questioning at the beginning Atecto or Alecto, because it's different in the Dramatis Personae. Also, the file name is "Trail", instead of "Trial".
Call them the Kindly Ones, silly, lest you bring them down upon our heads!
I have posted an update to the play. Only the opening of the next act is new, although there have been some modifications to some of the other speeches. I hope to have the rest of Scene 4 up by the weekend. Research is a bitch.
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
Nice, really nice :) Can't wait for the rest.
The Furies' speech is excellent. That could almost stand by itself as a super-short. :D
Quote from: DJRubberduckyThe Furies' speech is excellent. That could almost stand by itself as a super-short. :D
I second. Kind of a trialogue.
The latest update is posted on the web. Act I, Scene 4 is finished. Now I have to go and read a bunch of stuff about Roman soldiers and find a good Celtic magic chant. MORE TO COME! Woo-hoo!
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
Huh, good stuff as usual. I like how both sides get an opinion (for example, was the gunner justified in what he did? Is obsessing over individual civilian losses good or bad?). Good stuff. Maybe if Bush is rellected, I should see about performing this at my school :P
The latest update is on the web. Act I is finished. Woo-hoo!
Now on to Act Two. Act Two will most likely consist of one long scene, so it will be a while before it gets posted. It also will be very different from Act One. As George would say, Heh heh heh.
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
looks cool dude, i'll read it when i get some more time.
Quote from: gnimbleyAs George would say, Heh heh heh.
Huh huh huh.
*Flexes muscles and makes pecs dance*
Quote from: gnimbleyThe latest update is on the web. Act I is finished. Woo-hoo!
Now on to Act Two. Act Two will most likely consist of one long scene, so it will be a while before it gets posted. It also will be very different from Act One. As George would say, Heh heh heh.
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
I'm gonna try to talk some people into preforming this. If we do, we will send you a tape.
I am *so* Megaera.
Act Two is finished (one whole weekend of non-stop writing!) and the update is on the internet. Some minor stuff in earlier scenes has been revised, the most extensive stuff is the Furies (hiss) speech at the end of Scene 5.
Act Two is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from Act One. The play has taken a sharp turn and is off into uncharted territory.
Basically, when I was finishing Act One I decided that if I wrote two more acts like the first one - lots of monologs interspersed with comic dialogs between Louis and Bush - that it would get really, really tiresome. And then this idea hit me about doing something different with act two, and I started it, and the characters ran off with the play. And now the thing IS A FUCKING GHOST STORY! I kid you not! (Seeing that almost everything I have written to date is fantasy, I guess it shouldn't be too much of a surprise.)
Anyway, I am really, really interested in what people think about Act Two. Does this work? (Not that I am going to scrap it. I have come up with a good ending and other than rewrites, I am not going to change much. Of course, I have NO idea what Act Three looks like yet, other than it's back to the trial. I think I need more wine.)
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
okay i'll bite. gimme a while to read it and i'll tell you what i think.
very nice. i don't understand the metaphor in the last act but besides that i really like it.
This doesn't entirely sit right with me, probably because I got used to it being a comedy. I'm not a huge fan of drama, however I am interested in where this is going. Keep it up.
Quote[Taylor wanders around the stage, examines things, maybe peers out into the audience as if she thinks she sees something.]
Oh no you don't, get the fuck away! I finished that goddamned book and it's done! A book can't open itself! Even if it IS the Athenian Murders! GET THE FUCK AWAY!
[Lights go down, then come back up]
Quote from: Mrs. BushHe's run off.
I like the second act 2, gives a new insight on the audience's trial (the furies speech accusing the audience, in the first, was really nice). But somehow I miss there being the real G.W. Bush on trial, though. Except if that's just some Taylor's illusion.
Quote from: Slartibartfastvery nice. i don't understand the metaphor in the last act but besides that i really like it.
Which metaphor is that? Or are you talking about the entire second act as metaphor?
Quote from: CannedLizardThis doesn't entirely sit right with me, probably because I got used to it being a comedy. I'm not a huge fan of drama, however I am interested in where this is going. Keep it up.
Quote[Taylor wanders around the stage, examines things, maybe peers out into the audience as if she thinks she sees something.]
Oh no you don't, get the fuck away! I finished that goddamned book and it's done! A book can't open itself! Even if it IS the Athenian Murders! GET THE FUCK AWAY!
[Lights go down, then come back up]
Quote from: Mrs. BushHe's run off.
Act three goes back to being more of a comedy, but there were a lot of non-comedic elements in Act 1. I am not sure I get your Athenian Murders reference. Are you simulating what the audience is thinking? Eris did say she was going to play with them at the very beginning, didn't she?
Quote from: namuI like the second act 2, gives a new insight on the audience's trial (the furies speech accusing the audience, in the first, was really nice). But somehow I miss there being the real G.W. Bush on trial, though. Except if that's just some Taylor's illusion.
How do you know that Act 2 isn't the dream and Act 1 the reality? Taylor will, near the end of Act 3, walk up to the audience and say "It's all your fault." :twisted:
err yes i figured the entire second act was supposed to be a metaphor for something. i probably read too much into it.
I cant wait to read the rest of it! Hooray for Gnimbley the ?ºber gnome!
A new copy of the play has been uploaded to my server. It is available, as usual, in pdf form by clicking on the link below. (Or any of the previous links. They are all the same.)
The new version contains the first two scenes of Act III. The first scene is very short, so I waited until I had finished scene two before I posted it. I am not happy with scene two, the interrogation part that is. But this is a first draft, so I will have to fix my problems in the rewrite.
The play in now 94 pages long. Since it takes, I figure, about a minute a page; the play is now approximately an hour and a half in length. I expect there will be at least two more scenes. I have three more people I want to testify. And then will come the cheesy ending and the audience gets to go get drunk. I expect the play to run over two hours in the first draft and to come in less than that after the rewrites.
Enjoy. Or not.
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
Actually, Scene II isn't that bad. It's gone back to the drama-type bits being followed by a comedy-type bit to balance it out. This time you have the monologue of the judge being offset by the usual Eris appearance. I have to admit, the whole Taylor-Bush thing (which will hopefully be improved on rewrites) is only offset by Megaera and the brilliant "Death match cage!" comment, but I guess a little drama is good, as it's setting up the ending.
Yeah. The Taylor Bush thing is there really to set other stuff up. You can tell I wasn't really into it. Maybe when I get to the end I will figure out what goes there. Sure isn't what I got.
DEATH CAGE MATCH!!!!!!!!!! Woo Hoo!
I really like the first act, and parts of the 2nd & 3rd. I wasn't too psyched about the "this is what's really going on" second act; i can see how doing this makes the Everyman American complicit in the war, something overtly stated by Louis in the 3rd act. But i think the whole "cheating husband/9-11 mistress" thing is a bit dull.
The again, I'm not sure I can do any better.
Either way, there were parts that made me laugh out loud, so thanks.
I think Eris's speech about "no fnords" will need a bit of a re-write, and I'm not sure I like the whole "working the word 'polemic' into the play" thing, but other than that I'm having fun.
And I'm still very much Megaera. Angry yet easily distracted. :D
Did you have any sort of costuming ideas in mind for the Furies? I keep having ideas that are variations on the chiton - either all black/purple, or one red/black, one black/gray, and one gray/red (stealing the colour scheme from the Roman/Celt battle scene). And in the case of the latter, Taylor's Fury costume could be white and one of the other three colours.
I was thinking about the "fnords" bit, and i was wondering.. Is there any way you could have the fnords disclaimer in the program? I understand that it's a bit contradictory to have "fnord" written down to talk about the fnords, but then again, contradiction is always fun... I think a disclaimer on the back of the playbill announcing the lack of Fnords in the set design would be subtle, but effective.
Customing, set design, program design etc. I am not making any
demands on these. I put in a suggestion about set design at the
beginning for people with a limited budget. You know, college students.
But basically, I am leaving it up to the production to work out what
they want to do with that kind of stuff.
Of course, I think I also said somewhere that you could rewrite the
dialog if you want.
Thanks for the feedback. I will keep everything in mind when I do the
first rewrite.
Oh, and Ducky... Death Cage Match!
DEATH CAGE MATCH!!!!
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Quote from: gnimbleyCustoming, set design, program design etc. I am not making any demands on these.
Oh, and um, before I got distracted, I was gonna say that I was talking more in terms of "if you ever plan to stage this, I'd make those costumes for ya". :D
Cool. Costumes.
Oh, and when I told my niece that the woman on my t-shirt was
Eris, the ancient Greek Goddess of Discord, she said that the
modern God of Discord would have to be Jerry Springer.
Quote from: gnimbleyCool. Costumes.
Oh, and when I told my niece that the woman on my t-shirt was
Eris, the ancient Greek Goddess of Discord, she said that the
modern God of Discord would have to be Jerry Springer.
:lol:
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Quote from: gnimbleyCool. Costumes.
Oh, and when I told my niece that the woman on my t-shirt was
Eris, the ancient Greek Goddess of Discord, she said that the
modern God of Discord would have to be Jerry Springer.
i disagree, adn nominate georgie dubya, since who else is as good as gettign
everyone's panties in a knot?
besides montel is better than jerry since they took away the fighting.
A new copy of the play has been uploaded to my server. It is available, as usual, in pdf form by clicking on the link below. (Or any of the previous links. They are all the same.)
Ah, well, there isn't a new scene. This is a major rewrite of the last scene. Mrs. Bush has been purged (but will be reinserted later). Instead, Michael Moore and Dick Cheney are testifying. I think there will still be more of Cheney's testimony, but it is late, I am tired, and I leave tomorrow to go out of town for a niece's wedding. So this is what I got.
Enjoy. Or not.
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
I like the Moore part, but the Cheney testimony isn't over-the-top enough. What if you got Rumsfeld in there, and played around with his rhetorical, self-answered questions, like
"Do I think it's fun, blowing up schools and destroying civilian's cars with Ameican tanks? Sure I do. Do I admit that? Of course not. Do I jerk off on the US Flag every night? Of course I do."
Ok, maybe that's not so funny, but hell, I'm not the writer.
And the part where Louis explicitly states that Bush is Everyman is too blunt. You need to insinuate that more.
But I really like the play as a whole.
::runs around in circles silently screaming::
A new copy of the play is up!
Act 3, scene 2 is finished (first draft stuff of course) and Act 3, scene 3 is
also finished! woo hoo!
I'm a little batty gnome
living 'neath a tree
No one knows just what I did
and don't remember me
Stand on top of heaven's gate
and wish for clarity
Don't go looking in my eyes
They're just so I can see
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
I'm re-reading from the beginning, as I am wont to do (and I'm glad I did, as I noticed three more lines in the Furies' initial trialogue), but I found a small nitpick.
I realize this trial isn't happening in any United States jurisdiction, but when Megaera is questioning Jimmy Conners, and he talks about seeing what was left, Megaera's next line of "just pieces, right?" would probably be construed as leading the witness. I think something like "what was left?" might be more like what a lawyer would be able to ask without raising an objection from the other side.
::hides the leash and collar behind his back::
Who, moi? Lead the witness? I would never do anything like that!
yeah, i read back through stuff in order to remember what was siad before and change little things here and there. not like I will do on
the re-write. Act II is undergoing a HUGE revision in my head, but I am going to wait until I have done the first draft before I tackle that!
Why the lengthy monologues ? Why couldn't they be interrogated instead of talking by themselves ?
Quote from: gnimbley::hides the leash and collar behind his back::
Who, moi? Lead the witness? I would never do anything like that!
yeah, i read back through stuff in order to remember what was siad before and change little things here and there. not like I will do on
the re-write. Act II is undergoing a HUGE revision in my head, but I am going to wait until I have done the first draft before I tackle that!
Actually, upon getting through the end of what you've got so far (and Megaera's haranguing of Dick Cheney), I'm thinking it might be appropriate for everyone to totally miss Conners's leading, and maybe George mumble to Louis once she really gets going on Cheney, and Louis to make some remark about how that either isn't disallowed around here, or how it's the Furies we're talking about, and that's their friggin' jorb. :)
Disclaimer: I still operate under a worldview that insists that things make sense to me. :D
Quote from: DJRubberduckyDisclaimer: I still operate under a worldview that insists that things make sense to me. :D
::slaps DJRubberDucky with a splintered ruler::
You are hereby sentenced to reading ALL of St. Hugh's rants.
:P
i tried but ended up gapping out alot like usual. i was enlightened tho. i realized a very important untruth today. st. hugh writes alot.
no need to thank me now for this important discovery.
Well, I still think CHeney can go more over the top, foaming at the mouth, having a series of heart attacks, etc.
And perhaps, instead of subtly relating GW to Everyman, now I'm thinking Louis could explicitly make the link between a society and its leader. That is, while everey Iraqui was not responsible for Saddam being in power, every American is responsible for GWB in power (even those that voted for Gore - I'm sure you could figure out some sort of strange loop there). Then you can undercut the argument by bringing up media manipulation, etc, so W gets all confused.
And yeah, less monologue, more dialogue.
that's my 2cents.
Oh, one more thing... In act 3, when W runs back on stage, and Louis guides him to the new table, perhaps he should say something like "have a nice nap?" to reference the Red King bit from Alice, and also to offer the posibility the it was the second act that was the dream, not the first & third.
gnimbley, you should hear the chimes here. They are intoxicatingly maddening...a whisper that soflty coaxes me back to insanity...I dunno...it sounds like something you may want to wrroy about at some point, in case your worry load gets too light.
Quote from: St. Hugh, KSCgnimbley, you should hear the chimes here. They are intoxicatingly maddening...a whisper that soflty coaxes me back to insanity...I dunno...it sounds like something you may want to wrroy about at some point, in case your worry load gets too light.
I am worried that that sort of makes sense and sort of doesn't make
sense and is sort of senseless and both sort of makes sense and is
senseless and both sort of doesn't make sense and is senseless and
both sort of makes sense and sort of doesn't make sense and sort
of sounds like something fluffy would say when she's been eating
the funny mushrooms.
DEATH CAGE MATCH!!!
New update! Death cage match is back. The Aztec god is back. Jerry,
unfortunatlely, was never in the plans.
Taylor makes the climatic speech.
All that's left is the verdict and the denuemoi, er. day new maw, er,
really short scene at the end.
ALMOST DONE!
I can hardly wait because I have this great idea for rewriting Act Two. Eris gets a gun and there is this disappearing presidential seal, well not actually, disappearing, but it turns into, well... You'll have to wait..
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
Very yummy. The Cheney interview was a bit dry, though, I mostly skimmed it. The Taylor rant at the end was very powerful, and possibly a bit scary on a very real level: "You think I can't see you out there? All safe and protected because we up here are not real and this isn't really happening. It's just a bunch of actors speaking a bunch of silly lines. You're not responsible for what happened, are you? Fuck you you're not!"
Just a suggestion, maybe the baliff in act one should be Plebeius Pedis, and the baliff in act three Henry Bell. They're just isolated characters, and while I like the idea of random characters giving monologues to liven up the rich tapestry of the...tapestry, it might confuse some people. Plebeius can bang his javelin and Henry can bang his rifle for the "order" thing. Also, the baliff is kind of...just there for the play. Unless you're planning something for him.
I am thinking about having the bailiff shoot himself at the very end of the
play for having to listen to all this dribble.
:twisted:
I like using the ghosts for the bailiff. There is a complication, but I will
think about it.
IT'S FINISHED!!!
Now I will have to do the re-writes. I already have plans to extensively redo the second act. It will be somewhat similar, except it will move to a room in the private residential quarters of the White House.
There will be a Presidential Seal on the wall or something. When Taylor is confronting Bush, she will claim he is a bond salesman and the Seal will turn into a picture. Then it will turn back. So you won't know which is reality. Heh heh heh.
Everybody else will insist that George is the President, but he won't be so sure. Eris is going to be a Secret Service agent instead of the next door neighbor. (She gets a gun but still will be a witch. Yeah. I know.)
Anyway, it should work much better. The audience wil be confused.
The third act will have to be edited as well, not so much for content but for style. I left out the part about the bailiff shooting himself. I may add it back in. It was just sooooo tempting to finish the first draft, so I skipped the whole "punishment" scene. I rushed just to get it done.
Done. That is a very nice word.
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
Very nice. Can't wait to see the finished version.
I'm not sure how much you care about small errors, but this is what I've got so far,
- Marie Davenport called Marie first appearance and Davenport in jury appearance
- Page 19: Louis: You did you go to war with Afghanistan and Iraq, did you not?
There's other stuff, but I'm lazy and two is enough :P
The sentence fits the crime quite well, that was brilliant :)
The ending is priceless.
Hiss!
Ah, well, ah, the thing is, the first draft of the rewrite of the second act
is posted to the web. Download it as usual. And I started into the rewrite
of the third act, but it is obvious that Dick Cheney's stuff is going to need
more than just a cleanup (which I have already done to Act 1). And
Act 2 will need another pass since it is like just having done just a first
draft.
The good news is that I worked Richard Nixon in.
And Century 21 (I truly don't know where that came from.)
You can download it as usual here.
The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
Hmmm, the new twist in Act 2 is interesting, but somehow I find it weaker than the previous full-front confrontation between the two George. And Eris is so much more like the crazy witch neighbour than an occultist Secret Service Agent... The former Act 2 fitted better in between the other two acts, now you have some slight plotholes to fix in the Act 3 (Taylor V.S. Mrs Bush part in particular).
I still have the original Act 2. Well, we'll see what I think the next time I
review act 2. I still don't know what I want, other than to mess with the
audience's head. And try to universalize George, by making him more
specific, if you understand what I mean. Er, what do I mean?
Don't think the new act 2 works, huh? Hmmm....................
I was hoping you were keeping copies of all the prior drafts. I think it'd be fascinating to look over all of them and see how the play evolved/devolved.
Looking at the current version now. :)
I had another small suggestion which you can take or leave.
Near the beginning in act I, George talks about his dad prattling on, and I think it'd be cooler if he said "When you have to jump, you just gonna have to do it, like I did it. That's what being George Bush means."
I suggest this because then there's less implication that the dad's name is also George. There may well be a few dozen George Bushes in the country, but odds are much fewer of them are George Bush Jrs. I just think that would help better dissolve the Bush character into Everyman.
But like I said, that's a really picayunish detail - as in, the sort of thing people would really only notice if this play made it into high school English textbooks and students had to write essays on it. ;)
Ooh! And is it just me, or is it a change that Tisiphone is now interrogating Jimmy Connors? I'm very happy. :)
Quote from: DJRubberducky
Ooh! And is it just me, or is it a change that Tisiphone is now interrogating Jimmy Connors? I'm very happy. :)
Yes, Megaera originally interrogated Conners. But I wanted her to do Cheney. And Tisiphone didn't have anyone to interrogate. And the
Conners interrogation wasn't wacky enough. Neither is the Cheney
interview, but I was talking with Megaera last night and she kept
getting Dick Cheney confused with Dick Clark and other famous Dicks, so........
Heh heh - that explains why she likes hot dogs so much. ;)
Well done on the second act! It's got a great Stoppard/Shepard feel to it.
I still think there are too many monologues in the 3rd act, 'cuz Taylor's indictment of the audience loses ome of it's punch.
But hell, it's a great piece of work, man. I'd love to get it done somewhere.
wow
Eventually, I'll perform this. I have a friend who'd love being a F... Kindly One.
Gnimbley,
I saw this comic recently and it made me think of your play - both Cheney's and Taylor's rants:
http://www.catandgirl.com/view.php?loc=214
I just reread the two Act IIs. While I was reading the first one I
thought that I should stick with that one (and just do a rewrite.)
And then I read the second one and I liked that one a lot, too.
I like the Eris (rational witch neighbor) character in the first one.
And I like the fact that the ending makes more sense with this
act II.
I like the political humor in the second. And while the first half
of the scene is clunky, it moves along fairly well after that. And
I like how characters and their identities change when Taylor
enters and exits.
So, what do you think? Should I base the rewrite on the first
version (where George is a bond salesman) or on the second
(where he is the President)?
What's a gnome to do? Oh, bother, bother, bother.
Where are the cookies? OMG! There are no cookies in the
house! IT'S A DISASTER!
::leaves quickly to go find cookies::
I liked the second one. But I haven't read the first.
Quote from: Bob the MediocreI liked the second one. But I haven't read the first.
In Scene II of the current play, he's a bond salesman.
The current version on the internet GWB is BOTH, and Eris is a secret
service agent. In the previous version she was the neighbor. In the
current version she is also a Century 21 real estate agent. In the first
version she wasn't. Confused?
Okay, for those of you who want to compare the two versions side by
side, here they are:
http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/Act2Version1.pdf
http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/Act2Version2.pdf
I like the first version too...
I don't envy you the choice. Or the people who'll yell about it.
I like the second, with reality switching every time Taylor comes it & leaves. Could you make it a 3-way reality shift, and be able to include the good bits of the first version?
Quote from: LMNOI like the second, with reality switching every time Taylor comes it & leaves. Could you make it a 3-way reality shift, and be able to include the good bits of the first version?
Which are the good bits?
The second version makes less sense to me, which means it's probably the better choice for an "Erisian mystery".
Staging it with the first version, you have act 1 where George is the President, act 2 where he's some average schmoe, and act 3 where it doesn't matter which he is - he (along with everyone else) bears a share of the guilt for the way things are in the world today.
Staging it with the second version, the impression is more that he is the President, with occasional delusions that he isn't, and those happen and end quickly enough that the audience is probably not going to be able to process the idea as thoroughly as they would with the first version.
So... version 1 boosts the condemnation, and version 2 boosts the confusion.
Or...you know. :D
/me slips a batch of chocolate-chip cookies under the script.
Ah, yeah, sorry.
I have this third draft lying around that I need to finish.
Maybe I will get to it this week. It's about time.
More cookies would be an incentive.
If you finish the third draft, I'll stop getting Fluffy drunk in the Open Bar...
Ah, that is if you can find her.
I haven't seen her since Alice took her down the rabbit hole, have you?
Quote from: gnimbleyMore cookies would be an incentive.
If it weren't for the fact that express shipping on a box of cookies would cost ten times what it cost to make the cookies, I'd seriously offer. :)
Quote from: gnimbleyAh, that is if you can find her.
I haven't seen her since Alice took her down the rabbit hole, have you?
Methinks Fluffy is planning a surprise for the 27th....
(Lewis Carroll's birthday, for those of you keeping score)
methinks fluffy is always planning a surprise. Never underestimate the bunny.
Ah, don't want this to disappear into the jaws of the evil autolock yet.
Ah, well, about the play.
Ah, well...
I am going to jettison Act II and make it a two act play.
I am going to do this someday soon.
I am really in mourning about it because I really, really loved Act II.
It was tender and loving. It made a good house pet. It was bipolar
but that just made it more lovable.
BUT IT DOESN"T WORK, DAMMIT!
So anyway. That's the latest.
You may go back to your cookie break now.
if it doesn't work, make it adream sequence.
i dunno if that makes it work any better, alogn with toomuch other stuff, i haven't read it, and i only skimmed the inital draft of whatever yoe were working on when you first announced you were writing it.
Quote from: gnimbleyAh, yeah, sorry.
I have this third draft lying around that I need to finish.
Maybe I will get to it this week. It's about time.
More cookies would be an incentive.
Come on!
*Gives tow barrels of cookies to gnimbley*
Quote from: Irreverend Hugh, KSCQuote from: gnimbleyAh, yeah, sorry.
I have this third draft lying around that I need to finish.
Maybe I will get to it this week. It's about time.
More cookies would be an incentive.
Come on!
*Gives tow barrels of cookies to gnimbley*
::gets to work::
Quote from: gnimbleyAh, don't want this to disappear into the jaws of the evil autolock yet.
Ah, well, about the play.
Ah, well...
I am going to jettison Act II and make it a two act play.
I am going to do this someday soon.
I am really in mourning about it because I really, really loved Act II.
It was tender and loving. It made a good house pet. It was bipolar
but that just made it more lovable.
BUT IT DOESN"T WORK, DAMMIT!
So anyway. That's the latest.
You may go back to your cookie break now.
take the second act out, but turn it into a one act play, then you can have a series of plays that are related and stuff :D
Trumpet Fanfare
Well, folks, this is it. The end.
The play is done, except for one last proof read looking for dropped
verbs, inconsistent tenses, misspelled words, stuff like that.
I have finished the play, "The Trial of George W. Bush by gnimbley
the gnome". (That's right, no more Erisian Mystery, sorry.)
I have made TONS of changes. Mostly to the order of stuff. In the course
of writing this I have cut stuff out, added stuff back, written new scenes,
eliminated characters, added characters, and, in general, driven myself
BATS!
Damn, I need a cookie.
Anyway, Act II did not die. Act III died. It is now a two act play, although
they are rather long acts. The play should take more than two hours to
perform. What was act II has been chopped up into three parts and spread
over the first act, and two new scenes, which are extensions of act
II, have been dropped into the new act II.
Anyway, the link is below. Some of your favorite bits may have bit the
dust. For that I apologize, but HEY! I had to do it. Really. (My biggest
regret is killing off DJRubberDucky's "Death cage match!" but I greatly
expanded her character and slipped DCM in elsewhere. )
The file is a PDF, 230K or so.
The Trial of George W. Bush (http://home.earthlink.net/~cscooper/TrialGWB.pdf)
Let me know if you see any obvious spelling or grammar errors.
I am going to do an html version soon and put it up on the internet. When
I do I will let you know. Then I would appreciate passing the link
around so it gets some exposure. Thanks.
Yahoo! The gnome gdid it! :P
Heh, I'm gonna have to read this.
I found your mind, gnimbley.
You want it back, or something?
Quote from: Irreverend Hugh, KSCI found your mind, gnimbley.
You want it back, or something?
Not necessarily. How much do you charge to return it?
Quote from: gnimbleyQuote from: Irreverend Hugh, KSCI found your mind, gnimbley.
You want it back, or something?
Not necessarily. How much do you charge to return it?
Not much. It's really negligible.
(http://img330.imageshack.us/img330/2976/takethathugh4jm.jpg)
Figures.
::puts gnimbley's mind in a stew pot::
Dinner will served and severed and one hour.
Hey.
The play is up on the internet in html form at my brand new web site.
The file sizes for the scenes are larger than I would like since they are
exported ou of Microsoft Word which really sucks at creating web pages.
Oh, and the photos seem to be taking up more space than I am allotted.
Eek!
Anyway, the link is in my sig. Sorry if some of the navigation is
chaotic, but what do you expect? The political and satire stuff is not
up yet (I have to take care of the photos first) but will be soon.
Ta ta!
Quote from: gnimbleyHey.
The play is up on the internet in html form at my brand new web site.
The file sizes for the scenes are larger than I would like since they are
exported ou of Microsoft Word which really sucks at creating web pages.
Oh, and the photos seem to be taking up more space than I am allotted.
Eek!
Anyway, the link is in my sig. Sorry if some of the navigation is
chaotic, but what do you expect? The political and satire stuff is not
up yet (I have to take care of the photos first) but will be soon.
Ta ta!
Cool! Let me know which pages are doing weird stuff and I will see what I can do to help you out. I'm not an html expert, but I can do quite a bit.
Oh, it's not an html problem. The photo problem was I didn't pay
attention to the size of the photos and the size of my disk parition.
I uploaded about 8 megabytes of photos to a 10M disk and it protested
that it didn't have enough room for all my other files.
I'm such a gnome.
I moved the photos to Photo Bucket, so thats cool. Fortunately I
formatted the photo web pages in a database and all I had to do for
the html pages was change the variable with the directory for the
photos and re-export them. That took abut 15 seconds to redo
106 webpages. HA!
The other problem is that Microsoft software sucks. It is easy to create
web pages from Word but they are full of tons of extraneous Microsoft
crap. The pages are probably two to three times as large as they need
be, which of course, effects loading time (and bandwidth) but it is
almost impossible to easily strip out all the crap they put in. If you
want to see what I mean, look at the source for Act 1 Scene 1 and
the source for Scene 2. Should be damn obvious.
Oh, well, I'll get to it. Just have other stuff to do first.
For everyone:
If you haven't read the play yet, go read at least some of it, pretty please.
And tell your friends if you like it. I would like for it to be noticed outside
of the discordian community. And yes, that is gratuitous self-promotion.
If you can't shut up Turd and Roger, you can't shut me up either.
i read most of it today and i like it a lot.
it's easier for me to read stuff off the internet with only one eye
but i can't always find something i like as much as that
Oh holy crap! I'm just now reading the revised second act. I love it! :D
Oh, and there's a circular link on Act2Scene5 - it keeps going back to itself. I realize it's an important scene, but jeez. :D
Thanks!
Fixed it. It was only the link at the bottom. The link at the top was okay.
But, who would use the link at the top?
I miss Gnimbly. :sad:
Me too, he was one of the few I recall fondly from that era. He sent me a box of weird/awesome books, one time.
He doesn't even show up at eb&g any longer...
Yeah, gnimbley was good people, er gnome. fluffy on the other hand....
I wonder if he ever got his play produced. I liked it.
Old school bump.
Aw. I kind of remember this...
Quote from: LMNO on February 08, 2018, 01:34:31 PM
Aw. I kind of remember this...
Out of that whole mob, Gnimbly is the one guy I really miss.