Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Principia Discussion => Topic started by: Enrico Salazar on October 20, 2005, 05:59:31 PM

Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Enrico Salazar on October 20, 2005, 05:59:31 PM
As Enrico stepped off tuna boat onto fine soil of this country he was immediately molested by a strange man in a rumpled suit with crazed eyes.  Normally this would not bother Enrico at all, on the contrary, he advertises for it . . . but this man wasn't interested in Enrico's crotch at all, he was only interested in talking religion and philosophy.  He asked Enrico, "Do you believe there is such thing as a true religion?"

Enrico snorted and replied "Isn't pornography the religion in this country?"

He told Enrico that it was not, which saddened Enrico for a few moments, it was after all why Enrico had come to this country in the first place.  Immediately his visions of becoming a pope of porn melted away . . . he would have to find other ways to get people to accept his 'host', he relized.  He was only sad for a moment, of course, because Enrico rarely has to do much persuading, being the virile testicle squid he is.

The man pulled a medalion from under his shirt and waved it before Enrico's eyes.  Enrico, in turn pulled seventeen medalions from under his shirt and waved them around too, thinking 'what strange customs these beautiful faggots have', but was distracted from his inner monologue by the man saying "This is called the Sacred Cow."

"Sacred Cow?"  Enrico asked, then added:  "In Enrico's homeland that is Beatrice Arthur."

"No no," the man said.  "Cow!  See Ayche Aye Oh.  Cow.  It is the singular version of Chaos."

"Chaos."  repeated Enrico.

"Yes,"  the man said.  "Chaos is the natural state of the universe.  Aspects of chaos are order and disorder.  Both are natural, so do not shun the disorder as false, it is true."

"You speak bullshit," Enrico laughed.  "Enrico likes that."

"This is not bullshit.  This is truth that will set you free."

"No."  said Enrico.  "Is bullshit.  But, bullshit is important."

The man's eyes widened in amazement.  "Bullshit?  Important?  Why?"

Enrico was surprised that the concept of Bull hadn't been taught to this man.  What else was going to be different in this country?

"Bullshit is very important."  Enrico told the man.  "Bullshit should be spread far and wide.  Always spread bullshit wherever you go."

"Why?"  asked the man.

"Is simple.  If you speak to someone and tell them truth you have made them think nothing, is true?"

"No, they think about what you said."

"How many peoples do you know?"  Enrico asked.  "Most peoples, they are not completely right in the head.  Most peoples accept your information like a baby goat accepts your root.  If you give them bullshit, though, the person will later find out about it, become angry, but then they will need to go look up the information themselves.  They will need to use their own head gravy, instead of relying on other peoples to do their thinking for them . . . in this way bullshit is very very important.  So spread bullshit everywhere, my fine friendly faggot."

Enrico was about to leave when the man called out to him "But what if they never find out that the information is bullshit?"

Enrico turned back to the man.  He shrugged.  "Fuck em.  If they are that stupid they deserve to stay that way."

And that is how Enrico taught the silly Discordian about the Sacred Bull.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: East Coast Hustle on October 20, 2005, 10:00:46 PM
even the East German judge gives that one a 9.5 out of 10.

bravo.

not that my opinion matters in the context of the contest.

8)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Horab Fibslager on October 21, 2005, 12:18:56 AM
find the man that worships/converses with bea arthur's vagina, an di believe you discover the former identity of senor salazar.

maybe.

in any case, not too shabby.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: fnordiscordia on October 21, 2005, 05:26:49 AM
THIS ONE'S ALRIGHT TOO.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: B_M_W on October 21, 2005, 05:35:10 AM
I LIKE this, especially the punchline. I think its going in my sig. Yes, it is.  8)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: hooplala on October 21, 2005, 02:18:50 PM
Quote from: Horab Fibslagerfind the man that worships/converses with bea arthur's vagina, an di believe you discover the former identity of senor salazar.

maybe.

in any case, not too shabby.

I wish I was Enrico.

I'd get a lot more action.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: LMNO on October 21, 2005, 02:20:32 PM
I'm not quite sure you'd want the kind of action Enrico's getting...
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: hooplala on October 21, 2005, 02:30:41 PM
Good point.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Bella on October 21, 2005, 03:36:08 PM
I'm jealous that Enrico stole some of your material, Baron.
He's never once hisssed at anyone. I just feel so left out.  :cry:
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: hooplala on October 21, 2005, 03:42:02 PM
Well, Bea Arthur is pretty amazing.  I'm surprised more people don't bring her up more often.

Wasn't Zurtok located IN Bea Arthur's vagina for a while?

Now THAT'S commitment.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Bella on October 21, 2005, 03:43:35 PM
Actually, I'm pretty sure Zurtok was also in Devil Squerrel's tummy for a while.
Must of been kind of crowded considering she's already eaten St. Hugh and Bob Dole and Canada.
I made her spit Canada back out before too much damage was done, though.

PS: Speaking of spitting - this essay almost made me spit my coffee on the monitor.
I'm so glad I'm not a judge in this contest. I don't know how I'd pick.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: LMNO on October 21, 2005, 03:48:44 PM
I'm using the criteria as a strict guidline.

The Entertainment value on these are so good, it comes down to Persuasion and Discordian Concepts.

But I'm not telling how I'm scoring these.


Hoshiko's gonna have a hell of a catching up to do.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 23, 2005, 06:50:50 AM
Quote from: eroticI'm using the criteria as a strict guidline.

The Entertainment value on these are so good, it comes down to Persuasion and Discordian Concepts.

But I'm not telling how I'm scoring these.


Hoshiko's gonna have a hell of a catching up to do.

Doesn't matter.  The mod's alt is gonna win.  We know this.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy on October 23, 2005, 07:03:35 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: eroticI'm using the criteria as a strict guidline.

The Entertainment value on these are so good, it comes down to Persuasion and Discordian Concepts.

But I'm not telling how I'm scoring these.


Hoshiko's gonna have a hell of a catching up to do.

Doesn't matter.  The mod's alt is gonna win.  We know this.

Which mod which alt?
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Shibboleet The Annihilator on October 23, 2005, 07:05:27 AM
Go away, nobody likes you.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy on October 23, 2005, 07:10:49 AM
Quote from:  Go away, nobody likes you.

You may think of yourself as nobody, but there are people here who like me.  There are people who like you.  I'm not going any where, deal.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Shibboleet The Annihilator on October 23, 2005, 07:13:31 AM
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy
Quote from:  Go away, nobody likes you.

You may think of yourself as nobody, but there is one person here who doesn't totally fucking hate me.  Blah blah blah, something about my hubbie. Hey did you know I have a kid that I gave birth to?

Fixed.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 23, 2005, 07:55:05 AM
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
Quote from: eroticI'm using the criteria as a strict guidline.

The Entertainment value on these are so good, it comes down to Persuasion and Discordian Concepts.

But I'm not telling how I'm scoring these.


Hoshiko's gonna have a hell of a catching up to do.

Doesn't matter.  The mod's alt is gonna win.  We know this.

Which mod which alt?

Ask them yourself, asskisser.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 23, 2005, 08:01:38 AM
Quote from:  
Quote from: Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy
Quote from:  Go away, nobody likes you.

You may think of yourself as nobody, but there is one person here who doesn't totally fucking hate me.  Blah blah blah, something about my hubbie. Hey did you know I have a kid that I gave birth to?

Fixed.

(http://www.pthppt.com/images/other/delay1.jpg)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Cole Frehlen on October 23, 2005, 01:35:36 PM
*sits giggling*
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Hoshiko on October 31, 2005, 07:47:20 PM
Quote from: erotic

Hoshiko's gonna have a hell of a catching up to do.

Yes. Yes she is.  :wink:
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: fluffy on November 01, 2005, 07:38:33 PM
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/Marburger/PDEssayContestfirst3.jpg)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Enrico Salazar on November 01, 2005, 07:58:31 PM
[Sally Field] Enrico hasn't had an orthodox career and he wanted more than anything to have your respect.

The first time he didn't feel it, but this time he feels it, and he can't deny the fact that you like Enrico! Right now, you like him! [/Sally Field]
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: hooplala on November 01, 2005, 11:29:35 PM
Quoting Sally Field will not endear you to a lot of people, Enrico.

Or, at least, not to me.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: East Coast Hustle on November 02, 2005, 12:25:24 AM
could be worse.

he could be quoting Sally Struthers.

8)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: LMNO on November 02, 2005, 01:56:06 PM
Do you want to be making more money?

Sure, we all do!

You can get your degree in:

Auto repair
Interior design
Gun repair
Child care
Methamphetamine production
Prostitution
Gun repair/Child care (double major)
Acting like Mal3
Federal Emergency Management
Autofellatio





Call today!
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Cain on November 02, 2005, 01:59:44 PM
Quote from: eroticDo you want to be making more money?

Sure, we all do!

You can get your degree in:

Auto repair
Interior design
Gun repair
Child care
Methamphetamine production
Prostitution

Gun repair/Child care (double major)
Acting like Mal3
Federal Emergency Management
Autofellatio





Call today!

My philosophy teacher actually advocated a career in the highlighted ones for me  :(
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: LMNO on November 02, 2005, 02:10:35 PM
All at the same time?


Well, I suppose they are all interrelated...
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Cain on November 02, 2005, 02:12:56 PM
Well, his exact words were "if you ever want to make money, become an arms merchant, drug dealer or pimp.  Its the only way, trust me."  Then again, his method of getting rich was fairly good too...
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: East Coast Hustle on November 02, 2005, 03:45:01 PM
your prof was a smart man.

ECH,
working on completing the trifecta

8)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Cain on November 02, 2005, 03:50:41 PM
That he was.  He headed the Religious Studies Dept at my school, so always made sure his own books were bought.  And everyone wondered how he was so rich... :roll:
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: fluffy on November 02, 2005, 04:24:32 PM

most drug dealers still live with their mothers
go read freakonomics
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Horab Fibslager on November 02, 2005, 10:57:14 PM
Quote from: fluffy
most drug dealers still live with their mothers
go read freakonomics

i don't this is as true as the people who push this would like to believe.

most drug dealers i've met, in my severely statsitically limited tenure of meeting drugdealers, is they often lvied with girlfreinds/room mates.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: fluffy on November 02, 2005, 11:21:25 PM
Quote from: Horab Fibslager
Quote from: fluffy
most drug dealers still live with their mothers
go read freakonomics

i don't this is as true as the people who push this would like to believe.

most drug dealers i've met, in my severely statsitically limited tenure of meeting drugdealers, is they often lvied with girlfreinds/room mates.


okay
i'll correct myself

most crack dealers in chicago still live with their mothers
because drug dealing don't pay shit
unless you are the top dawg
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Horab Fibslager on November 03, 2005, 12:22:46 AM
Quote from: fluffy
Quote from: Horab Fibslager
Quote from: fluffy
most drug dealers still live with their mothers
go read freakonomics

i don't this is as true as the people who push this would like to believe.

most drug dealers i've met, in my severely statsitically limited tenure of meeting drugdealers, is they often lvied with girlfreinds/room mates.


okay
i'll correct myself

most crack dealers in chicago still live with their mothers
because drug dealing don't pay shit
unless you are the top dawg

well i also have to add that most drug dealers don't deal drugs full time. it's usually a part time type deal, to make their own habits cheaper.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Hoshiko on November 03, 2005, 12:46:10 AM
There goes that career choice...
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: East Coast Hustle on November 03, 2005, 01:09:17 AM
let's ask the experts...

anyone who sells drugs and lives with their mom (unless she's invalid and ehy're taking care of her) is NOT a drug dealer, they're just selling drugs.

there is a small but crucial difference.

8)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: agent compassion on November 03, 2005, 01:11:27 AM
Ohhhh.....

::takes notes::
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: fluffy on November 03, 2005, 01:32:06 AM
Quote from: Horab Fibslager
Quote from: fluffy
Quote from: Horab Fibslager
Quote from: fluffy
most drug dealers still live with their mothers
go read freakonomics

i don't this is as true as the people who push this would like to believe.

most drug dealers i've met, in my severely statsitically limited tenure of meeting drugdealers, is they often lvied with girlfreinds/room mates.


okay
i'll correct myself

most crack dealers in chicago still live with their mothers
because drug dealing don't pay shit
unless you are the top dawg

well i also have to add that most drug dealers don't deal drugs full time. it's usually a part time type deal, to make their own habits cheaper.


i wasn't talking about hippies in the suburbs

crack in chicago
read the book
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Horab Fibslager on November 03, 2005, 02:05:47 AM
Quote from: fluffy
Quote from: Horab Fibslager
Quote from: fluffy
Quote from: Horab Fibslager
Quote from: fluffy
most drug dealers still live with their mothers
go read freakonomics

i don't this is as true as the people who push this would like to believe.

most drug dealers i've met, in my severely statsitically limited tenure of meeting drugdealers, is they often lvied with girlfreinds/room mates.


okay
i'll correct myself

most crack dealers in chicago still live with their mothers
because drug dealing don't pay shit
unless you are the top dawg

well i also have to add that most drug dealers don't deal drugs full time. it's usually a part time type deal, to make their own habits cheaper.


i wasn't talking about hippies in the suburbs

crack in chicago
read the book

yeah i gues we're talking abotu two different animals here.

i knew two crack dealers before. maybe 3. tehy didn't live with their parents when i knew em.

the one rented out a boarding house as a flop house.
not sure abotu the other one or 2 when they were in teh business.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Zurtok Khan on November 03, 2005, 05:59:07 AM
Quote from: Baron von HooplaWell, Bea Arthur is pretty amazing.  I'm surprised more people don't bring her up more often.

Wasn't Zurtok located IN Bea Arthur's vagina for a while?

Now THAT'S commitment.

Yes, yes I WAS in Bea Arthur's vagina for awhile.  Perhaps I shall return to it, and a shorter name.  Zurtok Khan was much better then the current mumbo jumbo.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on November 03, 2005, 10:10:07 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustlelet's ask the experts...

anyone who sells drugs and lives with their mom (unless she's invalid and ehy're taking care of her) is NOT a drug dealer, they're just selling drugs.

there is a small but crucial difference.

8)

'Bout time someone explained that.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: East Coast Hustle on November 04, 2005, 12:53:39 AM
what can I say?

you know I'm all about trying to enlighten the honkies.

8)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Shibboleet The Annihilator on November 04, 2005, 01:12:09 AM
Aren't yuo a honkey?
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: East Coast Hustle on November 04, 2005, 01:37:33 AM
not even close.

thought you knew?

8)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Horab Fibslager on November 04, 2005, 01:38:23 AM
mr teh turd,

the whitest black guy you'll ever meet.



uh not mentioning jacko.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: East Coast Hustle on November 04, 2005, 01:40:11 AM
you might have gotten that backwards, but who's to say?

it all comes out the same in the wash anyway.

8)
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: DJRubberducky on November 04, 2005, 05:02:47 AM
Yeah, pink. :cry:
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Horab Fibslager on November 04, 2005, 05:35:17 AM
no soilent green.
Title: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Irreverend Hugh, KSC on November 04, 2005, 09:20:04 PM
Quote from: fluffy
i wasn't talking about hippies in the suburbs

crack in chicago
read the book
[/size]

Watcha talking about. There ain't no more crack in Chicago, now that the fucking tweek-heads are running around all over the place.
Title: Re: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Captain Utopia on February 12, 2010, 06:35:31 PM
 :mittens:  to the OP, and because it's well overdue a bump.

Title: Re: Contest Entry: Sacred Bull
Post by: Jasper on February 13, 2010, 02:46:46 AM
You degenerate necrophile.

Thanks for bumping this.