I'm (still) a Discordian because...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

because Roger bought the rights to my name out from under me at a back alley auction.

I didn't want to...But Nigel said if I didn't get her those rights, she'd pull my spine out through my urethra.

She must have been in a good mood.

Yeah, she normally doesn't give warnings.

AND THAT'S HOW WE GET BONELESS CHICKEN, KIDS

This is why chickens never smile.

They know what happened to The Little Red Hen.

I wouldn't normally say this, buy she had it coming. That tiny scarf and the hipster glasses sent me over the edge.

ATTN, MEMBERS OF PD:  Don't be frightened, it's only SCIENCE.  And she's way the fuck up in Portland, so you're safe until the hipsters run out.  Please return to your regularly scheduled entertainment.  There is no cause for alarm.

I GOT MY BOOTS ON AND GAS IN MY TANK.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

because Roger bought the rights to my name out from under me at a back alley auction.

I didn't want to...But Nigel said if I didn't get her those rights, she'd pull my spine out through my urethra.

She must have been in a good mood.

Yeah, she normally doesn't give warnings.

AND THAT'S HOW WE GET BONELESS CHICKEN, KIDS

This is why chickens never smile.

They know what happened to The Little Red Hen.

I wouldn't normally say this, buy she had it coming. That tiny scarf and the hipster glasses sent me over the edge.

ATTN, MEMBERS OF PD:  Don't be frightened, it's only SCIENCE.  And she's way the fuck up in Portland, so you're safe until the hipsters run out.  Please return to your regularly scheduled entertainment.  There is no cause for alarm.

I GOT MY BOOTS ON AND GAS IN MY TANK.

There is no need to rush for the lifeboats, citizens.  There is room for everyone.  Please form orderly lines, with the first class passengers to the left.  Steerage passengers are to remain below decks until summoned to board their lifeboats.

[wlfjstr]

Wait!  I'm still a Discordian?!  Stupid deprogramming courses never work...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Wait!  I'm still a Discordian?!  Stupid deprogramming courses never work...

The virus hides in the bootstrap, and reinstalls itself when they turn you back on.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Wait!  I'm still a Discordian?!  Stupid deprogramming courses never work...

The virus hides in the bootstrap, and reinstalls itself when they turn you back on.

That's what I LOVE about it!!!!!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

because Roger bought the rights to my name out from under me at a back alley auction.

I didn't want to...But Nigel said if I didn't get her those rights, she'd pull my spine out through my urethra.

She must have been in a good mood.

Yeah, she normally doesn't give warnings.

AND THAT'S HOW WE GET BONELESS CHICKEN, KIDS

This is why chickens never smile.

They know what happened to The Little Red Hen.

I wouldn't normally say this, buy she had it coming. That tiny scarf and the hipster glasses sent me over the edge.

ATTN, MEMBERS OF PD:  Don't be frightened, it's only SCIENCE.  And she's way the fuck up in Portland, so you're safe until the hipsters run out.  Please return to your regularly scheduled entertainment.  There is no cause for alarm.

I GOT MY BOOTS ON AND GAS IN MY TANK.

There is no need to rush for the lifeboats, citizens.  There is room for everyone.  Please form orderly lines, with the first class passengers to the left.  Steerage passengers are to remain below decks until summoned to board their lifeboats.

Heyyy now, no need to run, gentle citizens!

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

...because when someone gives up my name in a police interrogation, I want it be Pope Alouicious Von Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free

...Because I don't want to stop picking at it

...Because I don't want it to heal

[Eater of Clowns]

...my religious burial rites include being scattered upwind of a big city whilst "CHOKE ON IT YOU BASTARDS" is screamed.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

... I can see the fnords and believe I can get other people to start noticing them too.

[EK WAFFLR]

...because Discordianism puts sitting naked with seven other naked people in a sofa, watching Triumph of the Will while listening to  Woodstock '69 into perspective.