Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Or Kill Me => Topic started by: Mangrove on December 02, 2008, 10:20:40 PM

Title: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Mangrove on December 02, 2008, 10:20:40 PM
Dear publishing industry,

Please, please, please, STOP producing idiotic books with the title format:

"1001 ____ to ___ before you die."

Guess what fuckos? My life isn't a check list. The quality of my life is not determined by the arbitrary standards that you set forth in your books.

Even if I were to complete all the assinine tasks set forth in your publications, what does that prove exactly?

"It's ok, I watched all the 1001 stupid movies...I'm still a violent alcoholic who beats my wife but at least I got to watch some good tv before I died!"

"Great! My life has meaning! I visited lots of countries and committed horrible crimes in all of them. Yay!"

"Thank you 1001 albums (to hear before I die). I still have cancer, but I finally got 'round to buying Abbey Road on CD, so it's all good."

I noticed that you haven't produced a book called: '1001 lifeskills to have so people won't think you're a douchebag when you're dead.' Similarly, I can't find '1001 enlightened behaviours' or '1001 nice things you could do for others if you weren't such a selfish prick.'

Now go find 1001 ways to insert a publishing trend into an orifice.


:argh!:  :argh!:   :argh!:  :argh!:


Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Manta Obscura on December 02, 2008, 10:26:24 PM
You make a really good, and funny, point here, Mangrove. But as a possible unintended consequence, I now have the urge to write '1001 lifeskills to have so people won't think you're a douchebag when you're dead.' I'm thinking it might make a good monthly installment in Intermittens.

Speaking of mittens:

:mittens: to your post.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Mangrove on December 02, 2008, 10:28:54 PM
Quote from: Manta Obscura on December 02, 2008, 10:26:24 PM
You make a really good, and funny, point here, Mangrove. But as a possible unintended consequence, I now have the urge to write '1001 lifeskills to have so people won't think you're a douchebag when you're dead.' I'm thinking it might make a good monthly installment in Intermittens.

Speaking of mittens:

:mittens: to your post.

I spend way too much time in the bookstore.  :lulz:

If you want to write "1001 Lifeskills..." be my guest!
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on December 02, 2008, 10:29:16 PM
 :lulz:

:mittens:

While I agree 1000% I also think the possibilities to fuck with the basic idea are ENDLESS!!!

1001 _____ to/for/of _____ before you/caused by _____.....

ways - screw around - settle down

types - diseases - sitting on public toilet seats
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: hooplala on December 02, 2008, 10:30:10 PM
Quote from: Mangrove on December 02, 2008, 10:20:40 PM
Dear publishing industry,

Please, please, please, STOP producing idiotic books with the title format:

"1001 ____ to ___ before you die."

Guess what fuckos? My life isn't a check list. The quality of my life is not determined by the arbitrary standards that you set forth in your books.

Even if I were to complete all the assinine tasks set forth in your publications, what does that prove exactly?

"It's ok, I watched all the 1001 stupid movies...I'm still a violent alcoholic who beats my wife but at least I got to watch some good tv before I died!"

"Great! My life has meaning! I visited lots of countries and committed horrible crimes in all of them. Yay!"

"Thank you 1001 albums (to hear before I die). I still have cancer, but I finally got 'round to buying Abbey Road on CD, so it's all good."

I noticed that you haven't produced a book called: '1001 lifeskills to have so people won't think you're a douchebag when you're dead.' Similarly, I can't find '1001 enlightened behaviours' or '1001 nice things you could do for others if you weren't such a selfish prick.'

Now go find 1001 ways to insert a publishing trend into an orifice.


:argh!:  :argh!:   :argh!:  :argh!:





FUCKING YES.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Mangrove on December 02, 2008, 10:31:42 PM
Quote from: Khara on December 02, 2008, 10:29:16 PM
:lulz:

:mittens:

While I agree 1000% I also think the possibilities to fuck with the basic idea are ENDLESS!!!

1001 _____ to/for/of _____ before you/caused by _____.....

ways - screw around - settle down

types - diseases - sitting on public toilet seats

A new genre is born!  8)
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Manta Obscura on December 03, 2008, 01:57:49 PM
Quote from: Mangrove on December 02, 2008, 10:31:42 PM
Quote from: Khara on December 02, 2008, 10:29:16 PM
:lulz:

:mittens:

While I agree 1000% I also think the possibilities to fuck with the basic idea are ENDLESS!!!

1001 _____ to/for/of _____ before you/caused by _____.....

ways - screw around - settle down

types - diseases - sitting on public toilet seats

A new genre is born!  8)

We should make a thread where we do a sort of Mad Lib style fill-in-the-blank based on Khara's formula and then, after picking the best "1001" entry, make another Mad Lib thread to create the list.

So if "1001 types of diseases to get before you die" wins, we could Mad Lib the equation:

(Means of contracting disease) by doing/by going/ by sleeping with (carrier of disease).

The possibilities are phenomenal.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: AFK on December 03, 2008, 02:04:07 PM
Knowing me, I'd only have the motivation and follow through to accomplish 2 or 3 of the things anyway. 

Also, I'm guessing you weren't a big fan of the movie The Bucket List, Mang.   :lol:
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: LMNO on December 03, 2008, 02:41:05 PM
I second the idea to make this an ongoing section of Intermittens.

"An excerpt from the upcoming book 1001 things to do with a chicken before you die:*

745: Jam the quills just beneath the surface of your skin.  Go to the doctors' complaining of a rash.

970: Neckbone dildo.  Do it.

006: Slather with butter, salt and pepper, and roast it at 375 for 10 minutes a pound.





Etc etc.




*Title to change with every issue.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Manta Obscura on December 03, 2008, 02:50:02 PM
Quote from: LMNO on December 03, 2008, 02:41:05 PM
I second the idea to make this an ongoing section of Intermittens.

"An excerpt from the upcoming book 1001 things to do with a chicken before you die:*

745: Jam the quills just beneath the surface of your skin.  Go to the doctors' complaining of a rash.

970: Neckbone dildo.  Do it.

006: Slather with butter, salt and pepper, and roast it at 375 for 10 minutes a pound.





Etc etc.




*Title to change with every issue.

:lulz:

Fantastic, LMNO.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on December 03, 2008, 05:25:30 PM
Quote from: Manta Obscura on December 03, 2008, 01:57:49 PM
Quote from: Mangrove on December 02, 2008, 10:31:42 PM
Quote from: Khara on December 02, 2008, 10:29:16 PM
:lulz:

:mittens:

While I agree 1000% I also think the possibilities to fuck with the basic idea are ENDLESS!!!

1001 _____ to/for/of _____ before you/caused by _____.....

ways - screw around - settle down

types - diseases - sitting on public toilet seats

A new genre is born!  8)

We should make a thread where we do a sort of Mad Lib style fill-in-the-blank based on Khara's formula and then, after picking the best "1001" entry, make another Mad Lib thread to create the list.

So if "1001 types of diseases to get before you die" wins, we could Mad Lib the equation:

(Means of contracting disease) by doing/by going/ by sleeping with (carrier of disease).

The possibilities are phenomenal.

This is a great idea....  and combined with LMNO's idea from below, I think we have a winner!!!!

Quote from: LMNO on December 03, 2008, 02:41:05 PM
I second the idea to make this an ongoing section of Intermittens.

"An excerpt from the upcoming book 1001 things to do with a chicken before you die:*

745: Jam the quills just beneath the surface of your skin.  Go to the doctors' complaining of a rash.

970: Neckbone dildo.  Do it.

006: Slather with butter, salt and pepper, and roast it at 375 for 10 minutes a pound.





Etc etc.




*Title to change with every issue.

I LOVE IT!!!! 

Might want to drop it down to the top 10 or 101 just to be able to do it.

Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: LMNO on December 03, 2008, 05:37:03 PM
Actually, the point of my bit was to have oddly numbered excerpts.

So you weren't forced into a certain number.

Like, say you wanted to this:

QuoteAn excerpt from 1001 ways to seduce your neighbor's underage daughter:

[censored]




See? you have a lot more options that way.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on December 03, 2008, 05:43:58 PM
Quote from: LMNO on December 03, 2008, 05:37:03 PM
Actually, the point of my bit was to have oddly numbered excerpts.

So you weren't forced into a certain number.

Like, say you wanted to this:

QuoteAn excerpt from 1001 ways to seduce your neighbor's underage daughter:

[censored]




See? you have a lot more options that way.


AH, I see now what you mean, I thought it was a random thing, not the oh, nevermind, still on the first cup of coffee....

BRAIN IS WORKING NOW....

Sorry, was having a breezy moment....  it will pass!!

I like BOTH ideas, and I don't know how to combine them.  DAMMIT!
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Mangrove on December 03, 2008, 08:28:08 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 03, 2008, 02:04:07 PM
Knowing me, I'd only have the motivation and follow through to accomplish 2 or 3 of the things anyway. 

Also, I'm guessing you weren't a big fan of the movie The Bucket List, Mang.   :lol:

:lol:

I didn't mind that movie....wasn't exactly Citizen Kane, but it filled an evening.

Actually, I don't object to what they did in the movie because it was a personal list. The tasks they completed had meaning to them. Listening to a load of albums or seeing a 1001 movies just because someone said I should however, is of an altogether different character.

Anyways, I like these ideas (MO, LMNO and Khara). Here's my latest submission:

1001 Fatal Diseases to contract before you die.

Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Manta Obscura on December 03, 2008, 08:40:22 PM
Quote from: Mangrove on December 03, 2008, 08:28:08 PM

1001 Ailments to contract before you die.



Fixed, so I can make a few dumb jokes:

#218: Erectile Dysfunction. It's like the wingman that always leaves you hanging.

#122: Colon cancer. When you see it, you'll shit bricks.

#51: Color-blindness. Good luck passing art class.

#2: AIDS. Everybody's doing it . . .
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Mangrove on December 03, 2008, 08:42:37 PM
Quote from: Manta Obscura on December 03, 2008, 08:40:22 PM
Quote from: Mangrove on December 03, 2008, 08:28:08 PM

1001 Ailments to contract before you die.




#51: Color-blindness. Good luck passing art class.


:mittens:

+10 points for being mean enough to write the gag in colour.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: AFK on December 03, 2008, 08:54:48 PM
Quote from: Mangrove on December 03, 2008, 08:28:08 PM

Anyways, I like these ideas (MO, LMNO and Khara). Here's my latest submission:

1001 Fatal Diseases to contract before you die.



I really like this one. very horrormirthic

Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: LMNO on December 03, 2008, 10:36:57 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 03, 2008, 08:54:48 PM
Quote from: Mangrove on December 03, 2008, 08:28:08 PM

Anyways, I like these ideas (MO, LMNO and Khara). Here's my latest submission:

1001 Fatal Diseases to contract before you die.



I really like this one. very horrormirthic


#739:  SIDS.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on December 04, 2008, 05:01:51 AM
(http://loki.discoflux.com/img/mittens.png)

I couldn't agree more.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Mangrove on December 04, 2008, 08:38:09 PM
That's quite an impressive pair of mittens btw.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on December 04, 2008, 10:19:52 PM
why, thank you. i've been waiting for someone to write something worthy of mittens that big.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 18, 2012, 05:53:47 PM
How did I miss THIS?   :lulz:
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: LMNO on October 18, 2012, 06:03:11 PM
I don't even remember doing this.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 19, 2012, 02:11:57 AM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on December 03, 2008, 10:36:57 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 03, 2008, 08:54:48 PM
Quote from: Mangrove on December 03, 2008, 08:28:08 PM

Anyways, I like these ideas (MO, LMNO and Khara). Here's my latest submission:

1001 Fatal Diseases to contract before you die.



I really like this one. very horrormirthic


#739:  SIDS.


Q: How do you know if the obnoxious woman in your psych ward is a hypochondriac?

A: She complains that her SIDS is acting up.
Title: Re: 1001 and one things...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 19, 2012, 02:13:12 AM
The title alone...  :lulz: