h: plaigirism

[Horab Fibslager]

The Heresies of Grand Imam Horab, Chapter H

A simple fact that most Discordians don't want to think about is this:  We need the Greyfaces far, far more than they need us.  In simple terms, we simply could not survive without them...if every greyface on Earth disappeared tomorrow, we would all be dead 3 days after the canned food ran out.  Most of us would be dead long before that; abcessed teeth, strep throat, and other simple ailments would carry us off in droves long before the last supermarket shelf had been stripped.

Thus, we are, in essence, parasites.  We are the guinea worm in the guts of society, prone to suddenly erupt from the flesh of the body politic much like the movie Alien (though much smaller)(1).  We feed from the greyface, and offe nothing they care for, or need, in return.  The argument that we function as a "safety valve" is sheer nonsense, as anyone NEEDING that valve isn't a greyface...that person is a discordian.  So, perhaps a better analogy is that we are digger wasps (2)...we harvest our replacements from the greys.  In addition, we provide no more of a "spark of genius" than is normal.  The smartest man that ever lived, Sir Isaac Newton, was as grey as English cooking.

Ye Gods, can this be true?  Is it possible that we really aren't daring rebels at all, but rather an insidious parasite that not only feeds from its host, but mocks it while we do so?  This is a horrible thought...but far more hideous truths await...

We are mutants.  That's right, mutants.  Gazing back on history, Discordians were killed or exiled from most civilizations (Athens being a prime example, or England)...and those civilizations did just fine.  Discordians tend to be a fatal flaw in agrarian civilizations come harvest time.  So, how DID we survive?  The sad truth is that we didn't...but as the Discordian mindset seems to be a common mutation, or maybe just a recessive condition, we reappeared and flourished only after the greyface society became secure enough to handle the genetic load (3) we represent...much as it is able to handle persons with Down's Syndrome or short-sightedness.  I postulate that this began just after the last bubonic plague pandemic, just before the enlightenment.

Mutants, indeed.  Our mutation is a curse, the mutation of not being able to just get along...the mutation of independent thinking.  Now, there is some advantage in this, if you look at it in a certain light...we are the lemmings that are just bright enough to see the cliff, and to cry warnings to those around us...however, since the jumped up primates around us will not, can not, listen, all we are really doing is upsetting people and causing a fuss.  

We have convinced ourselves that we are wise to their game...more fools we...without pausing to consider that the greyfaces have been playing this game for 10,000+ years.  We play our silly word games, and pull our silly pranks, and convince ourselves that WE really see what's going on...when the sad truth is that our cozy little society has simply become a microcosm of the grey society at large/i]...albiet a slightly more FUN one.  We are absolutely convinced that we have hoodwinked society in some manner, while the real truth is staring us in the face.

What is this truth?  Simple; you can't beat the system.  It is utterly and totally impossible...One hundred centuries of greyness isn't going to be toppled by dressing up funny and freaking the merehumes(tm)...or anything else, for that matter.  It will stay just the way it is, until it blows itself up...or simply drowns in its own shit, like fruit flies in a jar.  

I can hear what you're thinking:  "FUCK YOU, REV!  That's not ME!  I'm DIFFERENT!"  Hehe...sure you are.  You're "different" all right...just like everybody else.  We reject society while benefitting from it.  We pretend that we have "found" ourselves, and that somehow WE lie in green pastures, when the truth is, we are on the same clanking conveyor belt...the one that goes to the spinning blades.

You won't listen, of course.  You'll play "good news, bad news" and "word association", and dress in your outre fashions, and jake the living bejeebers out of the greyfaces, never even notice the hammer coming down on your skull, just like it does to everybody else.

Way to go, Monkeyboy.

Or kill me.



NOTES:

1.  Guinea worms are real.  Look 'em up...if you have a strong stomache.  More on these later.

2.  Digger wasps?  Is God a PSYCHO?  Jesus fucking Christ, those things are NOT proof of a benevolent diety.

3.  Genetic load is when undesirable/fatal traits are not allowed to kill their host, and are thus passed on to further generations.

4.  Blatant plaigirism is fun and easy.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

   

"Immature humorists borrow, mature humorists steal."
- Mark Twain

[sakredchao]

uhm..  my suggestion is to learn what the plants most people consider weeds are.  most of them are food or medicine.  also.  don't be a pansy about eating bugs.  learn how to set snares to catch small game..  or learn to shoot a bow to take down large game.

or, i mean you're welcome to die in the collapse.

good luck
kim

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

1. Any individual can catch and clean a game bird with near to no experience. I and the lovely Sjaantze, Harbringer of Distraction killed two ducks and two guinea fowl just last week. We tied their legs together, hung them upside down, cut off their heads with a pair of Kitchen Shears, let them drain for 20 minutes, dipped them in a bucket of hot water and plucked all the feathers off. After that we proceeded with the gutting, which is surprisingly simple.

Once done, the bird can be rubbed with any herbs or spices you may have and cooked over a fire on a stick if nothing else is available.

A fish is even more simple to gut and cook.
A rabbit, squirrel or other small furry animal is about the same, but you skin it instead of pluck it.
---

We have available to us, right now, plenty of library books and Internet sites, that an inability to survive without modern civilization betrays only a lack of reading.

In fact, I recommend that every Discordian read up on survival. When this society shifts from Beuracracy to Aftermath, we just might need those skills.

[Bella]

Horab, I'm so glad you're back from hiatus.
It just wasn't right without you here and this is cracking me up.

I was raised by a survivalist type whacko freak I called Dad, so i can fish and hunt, pluck chickens, grow a garden, build a fire and cook over it. Demonica and Zorga and I can make our own cheese and cook with gluten made from whole wheat and make herbal medicines. I still make soap and usually mix up my own paints and love to mess with herbs.

All of these skills are well and good, but there is still something lacking. That's why I'm looking for a mentor. I need someone to teach me how to hunt the wild tofu, for they are reputedly full of guile and difficult indeed to snare.

[gnimbley]

Ever hunted the wild snipe?

I made a bunch of money selling old survivalist books on eBay when India and Pakistan were setting off nuclear bombs. I still have that geiger counter around here somewhere.

[Horab Fibslager]

que?

[Bella]

Ever hunted the wild snipe?

I made a bunch of money selling old survivalist books on eBay when India and Pakistan were setting off nuclear bombs. I still have that geiger counter around here somewhere.

Once, but then I think once is all anyone ever hunts the wild snipe, isn't it?
Geiger counter.........brings back bad memories of life with father.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

link's broke, no idea what he was plagiarizing

[The Good Reverend Roger]

link's broke, no idea what he was plagiarizing

The last Nenslo Rant, from chapter 3 of Revelation X.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

link's broke, no idea what he was plagiarizing

The last Nenslo Rant, from chapter 3 of Revelation X.

It's worth mentioning that this was about the time I was trying to find a style, so I was blatantly (and openly) biting on Stang and Nenslo and HST.  Horab, however, was on meth and kept forgetting things like me saying "Props to Onan Canonbite", etc, and insisted on revealing the horrible truth about me.

Then all his teeth fell out and he presumably died.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

link's broke, no idea what he was plagiarizing

The last Nenslo Rant, from chapter 3 of Revelation X.

It's worth mentioning that this was about the time I was trying to find a style, so I was blatantly (and openly) biting on Stang and Nenslo and HST.  Horab, however, was on meth and kept forgetting things like me saying "Props to Onan Canonbite", etc, and insisted on revealing the horrible truth about me.

Then all his teeth fell out and he presumably died.

I miss all the fun stuff.

[Sepia]

Always nice to know what happens. I liked what horab wrote, never knew him outside of that. Meth though, poor fuck

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Always nice to know what happens. I liked what horab wrote, never knew him outside of that. Meth though, poor fuck

After a while, all I could see was "how much Horab hates TGRR".

[hooplala]

I never realized Ratatosk has been around that long.