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Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)

Started by Cainad (dec.), November 18, 2008, 03:55:20 PM

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Chief Uwachiquen

What did Michael Jackson and Farra Fawcett get for Christmas?



Patrick Swayzee.

NotPublished

What was Farra Fawcett's final wish? To save the children
In Soviet Russia, sins died for Jesus.

NotPublished

In Soviet Russia, sins died for Jesus.

Freeky


NotPublished

In Soviet Russia, sins died for Jesus.

Freeky

That's my favorite joke of all time. I always think its best to tell after a string of bar jokes, because people are all like "wut" and then after a few minutes they're :facepalm:

Shibboleet The Annihilator


Cramulus

Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving in a car and they get pulled over. The police officer asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" and Heisenberg says, "Well, not really, but I can tell you exactly where I was."

The officer thinks that this peculiar response is grounds for a search, and he finds a dead cat in the trunk, and he says, "Do you guys know that there's a dead cat in your trunk?!" Schrödinger replies, "Um, now I do."

Suu

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Cramulus on June 23, 2011, 05:12:51 PM
Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving in a car and they get pulled over. The police officer asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" and Heisenberg says, "Well, not really, but I can tell you exactly where I was."

The officer thinks that this peculiar response is grounds for a search, and he finds a dead cat in the trunk, and he says, "Do you guys know that there's a dead cat in your trunk?!" Schrödinger replies, "Um, now I do."

:mittens:

Add to this Terry Pratchett's angry quote from Death:  "Well, is it alive or dead?  I have a schedule to keep!"
Molon Lube

Disco Pickle

"Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter." --William Ralph Inge

"sometimes someone confesses a sin in order to take credit for it." -- John Von Neumann

LMNO


Telarus

Telarus, KSC,
.__.  Keeper of the Contradictory Cephalopod, Zenarchist Swordsman,
(0o)  Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times,
/||\   Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

Idem

In the early 1900s, the president of America went to visit Russia. Of course, Russia was still ruled by the Czar back then, and the American President was warmly welcomed by the whole Russian royal household.
As the two leaders and their entourages were dining one day, in one of the huge dining rooms in the palace, the Americans were telling the Russians about some of the great things in their country. One of thetopics of conversaion was the Grand Canyon in Colorado. Of course, the American were quite boastful about this being the largest canyon in the world, when suddenly, from the head of the table, the Czar stood up,and made an announcement.
"In Russia," he said, "we have a canyon even bigger than your Grand Canyon!"
Now no-one was going to stand up and contradict the Czar, but of course no-one believed him either.
Finally, the American president stood up, and said "Okay. Let's see this canyon then."
So an expedition was organised. Of course, their destination was way out in the remote wilderness, and they only had horses to travel with, so the going was slow. But eventually, after several weeks gruellingjourney, they finally arrived at where the canyon was supposed to be.
But there wasn't one. Not even a little one.
And then it dawned on everyone - he had been using Czar chasm to make them look stupid.

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube